Factors To Consider When Betting On Outright Winners

General Election Polling Discussion Thread (June 2020)


Welcome to the /politics polling discussion thread for the general election. As the election nears, polling of both the national presidential popular vote and important swing states is ramping up, and with both parties effectively deciding on nominees, pollsters can get in the field to start assessing the state of the presidential race.
Please use this thread to discuss polling and the general state of the presidential or congressional election. Below, you'll find some of the most recent polls, but this is by no means exhaustive, as well as some links to prognosticators sharing election models.
As always though, polls don't vote, people do. Regardless of whether your candidate is doing well or poorly, democracy only works when people vote, and there are always at least a couple polling misses every cycle, some of which are pretty high profile. If you haven't yet done so, please take some time to register to vote or check your registration status.


Below is a collection of recent polling of the US Presidential election. This is likely incomplete and also omits the generic congressional ballot as well as Senate/House/Gubernatorial numbers that may accompany these polls. Please use the discussion space below to discuss any additional polls not covered. Additionally, not all polls are created equal. If this is your first time looking at polls, the FiveThirtyEight pollster ratings page is a helpful tool to assess historic partisan lean in certain pollsters, as well as their past performance.
Pollster Date Released Race Trump Biden
Yougov 6/26 National 39 47
Marist/NPPBS 6/26 National 44 52
HarrisX 6/26 National 39 43
KFF 6/26 National 38 51
Climate Nexus 6/26 National 41 48
Fox News 6/25 Texas 44 45
Fox News 6/25 N. Carolina 45 47
Fox News 6/25 Georgia 45 47
Fox News 6/25 Florida 40 49
CNBC/Hart/POS 6/25 National 38 47
Hodas (R) 6/25 Michigan 38 56
Hodas (R) 6/25 Wisconsin 39 55
Hodas (R) 6/25 Pennsylvania 42 54
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Wisconsin 36 45
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 N. Carolina 40 46
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Arizona 39 43
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Michigan 36 47
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Pennsylvania 39 49
Redfield & Wilton 6/25 Florida 41 45
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 N. Carolina 40 49
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Florida 41 47
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Michigan 36 47
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Pennsylvania 40 50
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/25 Arizona 41 48
Data for Progress 6/24 National 44 50
PPP (D) 6/24 N. Carolina 46 48
Ipsos 6/24 National 37 47
Quinnipiac U. 6/24 Ohio 45 46
Siena/NYT Upshot 6/24 National 36 50
Morning Consult 6/24 National 39 47
Marquette LS 6/24 Wisconsin 42 51
PPP (D) 6/23 National 43 52
PPP (D) 6/23 Texas 48 46
Trafalgar (R) 6/22 Michigan 45 46
Echelon 6/22 National 42 50
Gravis 6/20 Minnesota 42 58
SurveyMonkey 6/20 National 43 53
Gravis/OANN 6/20 N. Carolina 46 43
Saint Anselm College 6/18 New Hampshire 42 49
Fox News 6/18 National 38 50
0ptimus 6/18 National 44 50
Civiqs (D) 6/18 Kentucky 57 37
Quinnipiac U. 6/18 National 41 49
UCLA/Democracy Fund 6/18 National 39 50
Change Research 6/17 Arizona 44 45
Change Research 6/17 N. Carolina 45 47
Change Research 6/17 Michigan 45 47
Change Research 6/17 Wisconsin 44 48
Change Research 6/17 Pennsylvania 46 49
Change Research 6/17 Florida 43 50
Change Research 6/17 National 41 51
Civiqs (D) 6/16 Arizona 45 49
PPP (D) 6/16 Georgia 46 48
PPP (D) 6/16 New Mexico 39 53
TIPP/Am. Greatness (R) 6/16 Michigan 38 51
TIPP/Am. Greatness (R) 6/16 Florida 40 51
NORC/AEI 6/16 National 32 40
EPIC-MRA 6/16 Michigan 39 55
Scott Rasmussen 6/15 National 36 48
Abacus Data 6/15 National 41 51
SelzeDMR 6/15 Iowa 44 43
Hendrix College 6/14 Arkansas 47 45
Remington Research (R) 6/13 Missouri 51 43
Meeting Street Insights 6/12 National 38 49

Election Predictions


Prognosticators are folks who make projected electoral maps, often on the strength of educated guesses as well as inside information in some cases from campaigns sharing internals with the teams involved. Below are a few of these prognosticators and their assessment of the state of the race:

Polling Models

Polling models are similar to prognosticators (and often the model authors will act like pundits as well), but tend to be about making "educated guesses" on the state of the election. Generally, the models are structured to take in data such as polls and electoral fundamentals, and make a guess based on research on prior elections as to the state of the race in each state. Below are a few of the more prominent models that are online or expected to be online soon:

Prediction Markets

Prediction markets are betting markets where people put money on the line to estimate the likelihood of one party winning a seat or state. Most of these markets will also tend to move depending on polling and other socioeconomic factors in the same way that prognosticators and models will work. Predictit and Election Betting Odds are prominent in this space, although RealClearPolitics has an aggregate of other betting sites as well.
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NFL teams most likely to go from worst to first in 2020

We have talked a lot about the draft, biggest remaining needs for every NFL team, some breakout candidates and other stuff, so let’s now get back to more of a big picture and look at some teams from an angle of where could they go next season. In this article, I am analyzing those teams that finished fourth in their division this past year and why they could win it in 2020 or land at the bottom once again, plus an outlook where I actually see them.
Of course much of this is about these eight teams and how much better or worse I feel about them than the general public, but it was heavily dependent on their three division rivals as well. The top half I could certainly see earn a playoff spot and surprise some people if everything goes right. After that a lot of my faith is more built around the lack of great competition and giving some hope to these respective fan bases. As the cliché goes – everybody is 0-0 right now.


1. Arizona Cardinals

Why they can win the division:
Let’s just start with the main point here – this Cardinals squad has all the ingredients to make a big jump in 2020. I expect Kyler Murray to enter the superstar conversation in year two, after impressing with his arm talent and ability to extend plays in a (somewhat controversial) Offensive Rookie of the Year campaign. Steve Keim managed to unload a bad David Johnson contract and basically acquire an elite receiver in DeAndre Hopkins for a second-round pick. Kenyan Drake now has a full offseason to learn this offense and make himself a major factor once again, following up an outstanding second half of the season once the Cardinals traded for him with Miami. He perfectly fits into this offense with a lot East-West based rushing from shotgun sets and his involvement in the pass game, including those quick throws as an extension of the rushing attack. Arizona’s defense should be a lot better with run-stoppers being added in the draft that fit their 3-4 base front with Utah’s Leki Fotu and LSU’s Rashard Lawrence, since they can stay in those packages against the other teams in their division running a lot of 12 and 21 personnel probably. Add to that a do-it-all player with ridiculous range and overall athleticism in Isaiah Simmons at eight overall, plus all the other guys being in their second year under DC Vance Joseph. I love Budda Baker as a missile from his safety spot and I think some of the other young guys on that unit will take a step forward, like second-year corner Byron Murphy, who I talked about last week. Now let’s get to rest of the West – every other team in that division has some issues. The 49ers are facing the objects of a potential Super Bowl hangover and some limitations with Jimmy G at the helm. The Seahawks have question marks on the edge on either side of the ball with Cedric Ogbuehi and Brandon Shell fighting for the starting gig at right tackle and Jadeveon Clowney still on the open market, with a bunch of draft picks these last couple of years having to step up. And the Rams had one of the worst O-lines in football last season and they lost some pieces on defense. The Cardinals already gave all these teams issues in 2019 and have now added pieces that were clearly missing when last matching up against each other.

Why they could finish last again:
Most importantly, I am still not completely sold on the Cardinals offensive line, with D.J. Humphries being signed to a rather expensive deal as a below-average left tackle, third-rounder Josh Jones – while earning a late first-round grade from me – still needing an overhaul on his footwork before he can slide in at right tackle and guard Justin Pugh finally having played a full 16 games for the first time since 2015 last season. NFL coaches had a lot of time to study Kliff Kingsbury’s Air-Raid offense, which when you break it down is pretty simplistic in the amount of schemes they run. Yes, he diversified it a little as last season went along, going under center and running some pro-style rushing plays, but at its core, you can learn how to create some issues for all those mesh concepts and spread sets. As far as the Cardinals defense goes, it is more about pieces than proven commodities. Patrick Peterson is seemingly on the decline, they are thin in the secondary and could Chandler Jones follow soon, after he has been one of the most underrated pass-rushers in the league for a while now? You are staring the reigning NFC champs in the eyes, a team that was a few inches away from earning a playoff bye and another squad that went to the Super Bowl just two years ago. This is probably the best division in the entire league.

Bottom line:
I still believe the 49ers have done enough to repeat as division champs, re-tooling for all the losses they have suffered this offseason. However, I’m feeling pretty good about the Cardinals earning a wildcard spot. While I believe in the Seahawks quarterback and the Rams head coach respectively to not allow their teams to not have throwaway seasons, I also see enough issues with those squads to make me believe the Cardinals could have the second-best year of anybody in the West. To me they are pretty clearly the best of these eight teams, because they have a young phenom at quarterback, stars at pretty much every position, a different type of system around them and what I’d like to call “juice” coming into 2020.


2. Detroit Lions

Why they can win the division:
Matt Stafford is back healthy and when he was in the lineup last season, this was a team that defeated the Eagles, Chargers and only didn’t finish the job against the eventual Super Bowl champion Chiefs because of some crazy stuff going on late. The veteran QB stood at 19 touchdowns compared to five picks and was playing at a near-MVP type level. However, Detroit’s identity will be built on the run game with re-investments in the offensive line as well as adding D’Andre Swift to form a dynamic one-two punch with him and Kerryon Johnson. Kenny Golladay and Marvin Jones may be the most underrated receiving duo to go with Danny Amendola as a tough guy in the slot and T.J. Hockenson coming into year two as a top-ten pick a year ago, having shown flashes when he was healthy. The defense is finally starting to take shape with third-overall Jeffrey Okudah as an elite corner prospect being added to an underrated secondary, Jamie Collins being a chess piece in the front seven after already having worked well with Matt Patricia and some young guys up front trying to prove themselves to go with the versatile Trey Flowers. Maybe more importantly than the Lions themselves – Nobody else got that much better and none of the other three really stand out to me. Other than the Vikings probably – who had the advantage of making a record-breaking 15 selections – the Lions might have had the best draft within the division. Thanks to that last-place schedule, they get to face the Redskins in the East (instead of Eagles & Cowboys) and Cardinals in the West, who I just talked about taking a step forward, but are still a better draw than the reigning conference champions or possibly having to travel to Seattle. I believe that new regime in Detroit has finally built an identity on both sides of the ball with the heavy investments in the run game and back-seven on defense. Winning ten games might earn you a division title, if everybody plays each other tough.

Why they could finish last again:
Can these guys finally stay healthy? Matt Stafford to my surprise played a full 16 games in eight straight years before last season, but a lot of that had to do with his toughness to fight through pain and he had major issues with that shoulder early on in his career before basically breaking his back after putting the team on it for the last decade. Kerryon Johnson has missed 14 of 32 possible starts and he has never carried the ball more than 118 times a season. Their receiving corp has been banged up quite a bit too. More glaring even – how will all these additions of former Patriots players work out? Can Matt Patricia build a New England 2.0 in Michigan or is he just bringing in players he knows will listen to him and the way he wants things to be done? Detroit could also rely on a lot of rookies to be immediate impact players – possibly two new starting guards on offense, running back D’Andre Swift probably sharing the load with Kerryon, Jeffrey Okudah having to immediately become their CB1 and Julian Okwara being asked to become a much more consistent player if they give him major snaps. And I recently talked about how their uncertainty at punter could be an issue for their ball-control, defense-minded style of play. They also have an early bye (week five), which I’m never a big fan of, after facing the Bears, Packers, Cardinals and Saints, which probably includes three playoff teams. If Chicago can get any competent QB play, all these teams should be highly competitive.

Bottom line:
I don’t think any team in this division wins more than ten games. Unfortunately I don’t see the Lions go over that mark themselves either. The Packers won’t come out victorious in so many close games (8-1 in one-possession affairs), the Vikings have lost a few proven commodities and look for young talent to immediately replace those and the Bears still have a quarterback competition going on. So if Detroit can do any better than just split the season series with those three teams, I see them finishing above .500, but ten wins is the ceiling for me. In terms of the competition inside the division, the Lions may be my number one team in this conversation, but I see a much clearer path to things crashing down for Matt Patricia and them having another disappointing season than I do with the Cardinals. No team in this division may finish below that 8-8 mark.


3. Miami Dolphins

Why they can win the division:
When you ask the general public, the Buffalo Bills right now are the favorites to win the AFC East, but they haven’t done so since 1995 and they still have to prove they really are that team. The Patriots lost several pieces on defense and Tom Brady of course, which probably leads them to starting a quarterback, who over his four career pass attempts has thrown more touchdowns to the opposing team than to his own. The Jets are still building up that roster, with GM Joe Douglas trying to plant seeds on burnt earth, and they face a BRUTAL schedule. So Miami has a lot of things going in their favor for an organization that I believe in what they are trying to build. Depending on what happens at quarterback, you could have a veteran in Ryan Fitzpatrick, who was by far the best inside the division in several key categories last season and/or Tua Tagovailoa, who had one of the most prolific careers we have seen from anybody in the SEC. They added at least two new starters on the O-line, they now have one of the premiere cornerback trios in the league with the all-time highest paid player at the position in Byron Jones and first-round pick Noah Igbinoghene to go with Xavien Howard and with some added beef up front, they are finally looking a lot like what Brian Flores had in New England. DeVante Parker really broke out over the second half of 2019 and Miami should have a much better rushing attack because of the additions up front and two quality committee backs in Jordan Howard and Matt Breida being added. They have two other young pass-catchers ready to break out this upcoming season in tight-end Mike Gesicki and a UDFA receiver from a year ago in Preston Williams. Whenever Tua’s name is called upon, he will be a perfect fit for Chan Gailey’s horizontal passing game.

Why they could finish last again:
As much as I like what I see from this entire organization, it is probably just a year too early for Miami. So many young players could be thrown into the fire and a lot of them I look at as needing that experience – 18th overall pick Austin Jackson (USC) is more of a developmental tackle still with his footwork and hand-placement issues, 30th overall pick Noah Igbinoghene (Auburn) has only played cornerback for two years and was bailed out by his athletic tools at times, third-rounder Brandon Jones has to develop more of a feel in deep coverage and at least one more rookie lineman will likely start for them. Even outside of this year’s draft class, they already had several players on their roster that are still moving towards their prime. Whether you look at last year’s first-rounder Christian Wilkins, a lot of second- and third-year pass-catchers or their young linebackers outside of Kyle Van Noy. The Bills are entering year four of that turn-around under Sean McDermott and Brandon Beane, the Patriots still have the greatest coach of all time and will be a tough matchup solely based on that and the Jets at least have people playing for their jobs, plus a very talented young quarterback I still believe in. As much as I doubt Adam Gase, as long as Sam Darnold doesn’t get mono again, the offense should at least be competent, and the defense could potentially have a top-five player at every level with All-Pro Bowl safety Jamal Adams, an 85-million dollar linebacker in C.J. Mosley and my number one prospect in last year’s draft on the interior D-line with Quinnen Williams.

Bottom line:
As I mentioned before, the Bills are the front-runners in this division for me. As much respect as I have for Bill Belichick, I haven’t seen enough from Jarrett Stidham to make me a believer and he shrunk in some big moments at Auburn. The Jets to me could be a lot better than they were in 2019 and still go 6-10 just because of the type of schedule they are up against. So the Dolphins to me could easily finish anywhere from second to fourth, depending on how some of the players on that roster progress. I wouldn’t bet on them actually making the playoffs, but they could absolutely be a pain in the butt for some of the better teams in the AFC and in 2021 they might be the pick here.


4. Los Angeles Chargers

Why they can win the division:
First and foremost, this Chargers defense is absolutely loaded with no real hole that you can point to. Derwin James is back healthy after a first-team All-Pro rookie campaign, Chris Harris Jr. comes in to make this secondary one the elite units in the NFL to go with two more Pro Bowlers among it and they have some guys I expect to break out like Jerry Tillery, Drue Tranquill and Nasir Adderley. In terms of having matchup pieces and a versatile pass rush to challenge Kansas City, nobody in the league may be on the same level as these guys. Offensively, Ihave talked about how the left tackle spot is concern for L.A. with a battle between Sam Tevi and Trey Pipkins for the starting job, but the other four spots are as good as they have been in a while, acquiring Pro Bowl guard Trai Turner via trade, signing a top five right tackle in Bryan Bulaga and getting Mike Pouncey back healthy. Tyrod Taylor can steer the ship and even if Justin Herbert is thrown into the fire – which I wouldn’t recommend – they have the skill-position players and willingness to run the ball to take pressure off those guys. While the Chiefs return 20 of 22 starters from a year ago, this wouldn’t be the first time we saw a Super Bowl champion have some issues the following season and as much as we want to hype up the Broncos and Raiders, both their quarterbacks (and other players of course as well) have a lot to prove still. Outside of KC, the Chargers likely have the smallest changes to what they do other than moving on from Philip Rivers and we saw that formula work the year prior, when they challenged Kansas City until the very end for the division crown and the conference’s top seed potentially. While they probably would have liked to bring in Tom Brady over the offseason, the fact they decided against signing Cam Newton to a roster that is ready to win right now, shows you the confidence they have in that quarterback room.

Why they could finish last again:
I’m not a huge fan of Derek Carr, but the Chargers will probably have the worst quarterback in the division in 2020. And their starting left tackle could be the worst in the entire league. As good as their defense will probably be, you can not consistently win games in which your offense doesn’t put up 20+ points in the league today – especially when all these teams in their division have spent so much on acquiring offensive firepower these last couple of years. I believe all three of their division rivals got better this offseason and the Chargers spent their top draft pick (sixth overall) on a young quarterback, who might not even help them win games this season. As I already mentioned, Kansas City brings back almost their entire starting lineups and they went 12-4 despite Mahomes seemingly having his knee cap facing the sideline while laying on his back. I have uttered my thoughts on Denver several times now, which you can read up on later. As for Las Vegas’ new team, they did start last season 6-4 and just heavily invested into their two major issues – wide receiver and linebacker. And while I don’t like to talk about it – injuries have been a huge issue for this Chargers team in recent years and I don’t really know what it is even, but I can’t assume that they all of a sudden can stay healthy.

Bottom line:
In terms of talent on the roster outside of the quarterback position, you could make a pretty compelling argument that the Chargers are ahead of all the other teams on this list. That’s the reason they have a pretty high floor of finishing around .500 and if everything works out, they could absolutely be a playoff contender. However, for this exercise in particular, I believe their upside is capped by what they have under center. Tyrod Taylor can be a top-20 quarterback in the NFL this season and in terms of upside, Justin Herbert has all the tools to become a difference-maker once he steps on the field, but they don’t have the explosiveness the Chiefs or the Broncos have for that matter. With so much continuity on a team that has the best player in the entire league, I can’t go against the Chiefs and in the end we are evaluating the chances to actually win the division.


5. Washington Redskins

Why they can win the division:
These guys are very reminiscent of the 49ers with their defensive line, in terms of having invested a lot of high draft picks into the unit these last couple of years and now with that second overall pick bringing in a true stud from Ohio State – this time in Chase Young. When you look at all those guys up front – with the Bama boys patrolling the middle, Matt Ioannidis capable of moving around the front, Montez Sweat looking to break out in year two and Ryan Kerrigan still being there as a productive veteran – they will wreak some havoc this season. Ron Rivera could finally bring some structure to this organization and help them turn it around on defense with the addition of an old companion in Thomas Davis, plus some high-upside players like Reuben Foster and Fabian Moreau looking to prove themselves. Quarterback Dwayne Haskins had a very underwhelming rookie campaign, but he clearly wasn’t ready to be out there and found himself in a bad situation in terms of the support system around him. I like a lot of their young skill-position players the front office has surrounded him with, when you look at Terry McLaurin trying to become a young star in this league, who produced despite shaky quarterback play last season, Kelvin Harmon and Antonio Gandy-Golden being two big-bodied targets I liked these last two drafts, Derrius Guice hopefully finally being able to stay healthy to lead this backfield and this year’s third-round pick Antonio Gibson being a chess piece that you can manufacture touches for. Somebody I forgot to mention in this discussion recently is Steven Sims Jr., who is a jitterbug with the ball in his hands. New offensive coordinator Scott Turner will implement a system that should make life easier on his second-year signal-caller as well, while relying heavily on the run game.

Why they could finish last again:
Haskins is by far the least proven QB of the bunch, with Daniel Jones even being head and shoulders above him in their respective rookie seasons. No pass-catcher outside of Terry McLaurin had any major production to speak. Counting on a 37-year old Thomas Davis to not only be a leader for them, but also make plays on the field, could create issues, and Washington lost some pieces in the secondary. This offseason is a challenge for any team, that is looking to implement a new system on each side of the ball, but I think especially for a motivator like Rivera, who can give his squad a heartbeat and push them to success, not being there in person with those guys will hurt. Most importantly however, this division to me will be a two-man race between the Eagles and Cowboys – as it has been for a while now. They both will likely have top ten quarterbacks, better receiving corps, better offensive lines and more experienced defenses. The Giants may not blow anybody away coming into 2020, but looking at the two matchups from last year between them and the Redskins, Big Blue beat them 24-3 the first time around, when Daniel Jones threw one touchdown compared to two interceptions and then he diced them up for five TDs and no picks in week 16. The one area Washington would have had the clear upper hand was with their front-four, but New York just invested a lot of draft capital into their O-line to prevent that. Just go through the Redskins’ schedule and show me more than six wins. I dare you.

Bottom line:
These last two sentences really say it all. Even if Philly and Dallas split the season series and Washington can get a game off either one of them, it will be tough to turn around this squad as quickly as this season – with reduced practice time and team activities – to a point where they can finish above both of them. Both of them could easily win double-digit games in 2020 and while I think the Redskins are on the right track if Haskins looks more like the Ohio State version of himself, other than their defensive line, no unit for them is ready to compete for the division quite yet. Just going through their schedule in an objective manner, it is tough to find any lay-ups and say Washington has some baseline of wins they count on. To not have them any lower than this is more due to the respect for Riverboat Ron and how high I was on a lot of the guys they drafted recently.


6. Jacksonville Jaguars

Why they can win the division:
I was going back and forth between my number six and seven teams, because the Jaguars are projected to pick first overall come next April for a reason – they did lose a lot of pieces. However, to me it came down to the fact that the AFC South might be won at 9-7 or 10-6 and this coaching staff actually has to win to keep their jobs. There is a lot noise about the Colts, but when you go back to last season, Philip Rivers was a turnover machine with serious questions about his arm strength. Bill O’Brien made some very questionable decisions for Houston and Tennessee is counting on a formula that is built on a 250-banger running the ball 25+ times and Ryan Tannehill finally repeating a career year, as they are coming off an AFC title game appearance. As far as Jacksonville goes, Gardner Minshew was the highest-graded rookie quarterback according to PFF and altogether I would have put him second only behind Kyler Murray. D.J. Chark broke out as one of the young star receivers and I had a first-round grade on Colorado’s Laviska Shenault if he can be healthy, because his talent is off the charts. I think the O-line would have benefitted from another tackle to kick Cam Robinson inside to guard, but those guys are some road-graders to make the run game work. Defensively the only real contributor from that Sacksonville group a couple of years ago who actually wants to be there is Myles Jack, but I really like their young duo off the edge in first-rounders Josh Allen last year and now K’Lavon Chaisson (LSU). There are some questions about the back-end, but they were built front-to-back with a lot of zone coverage behind it and depending on the development of ninth overall pick C.J. Henderson, they can roll away from him matching up with the opposing team’s number one receiver. Avoiding some of the better AFC squads altogether is pretty sweet as well, to go with facing no playoff team from last year outside their division until the middle of November.

Why they could finish last again:
I’m just not sure if all of these players are ready to fight for that coaching staff and organization. Two of their remaining veterans (Leonard Fournette and Yannick Ngakoue) have openly talked about how they want to be traded, they only have a few actually proven commodities on that entire roster and with the way they have unloaded big cap numbers, they have set themselves up for a true rebuild potentially, as they are expected to be in the Trevor Lawrence-Justin Fields sweepstakes come next April. Even if they can get a few breaks and the division is up for grabs, does this organization even want to win this season? If not for the injury to Jacoby Brissett in the middle of the season, all three other teams in that division would have almost certainly finished above .500 and the Colts are actually the team that improved by far the most among them. That Texans, who have actually won the South four of the last five years, including last season, may be the smallest challenge and still sweep Jacksonville. Vegas rarely misses completely and the Jaguars right now are the odds-on favorite to pick first overall come next April, with an NFL-low OveUnder of 4.5 wins on the season. And as favorable as the early portion of their schedule looks like right, check out this eight-game stretch after their week seven bye – at Chargers, vs. Texans, at Packers, vs. Steelers, vs. Browns, at Vikings, vs. Titans, at Ravens. Ouch. They might go winless over that period.

Bottom line:
The Jaguars to me are a very interesting team, because I believe they have accumulated a bunch of young talent, which gets lost a little when you see all the names that aren’t there anymore. There is a lot to like about this roster, when you look at what these players could develop into, but that doesn’t mean they will have success this year already. The Colts have the best 53 currently in the division (or 55 now), the Texans have the best quarterback and the Titans are coming off an AFC Championship game appearance. Gardner Minshew could make this kind of a tough decision if they end up picking anywhere after first overall and I think some of those other kids will put up pretty good numbers, but they are still pretty clearly fourth in the South as for now.


7. Carolina Panthers

Why they can win the division:
Nobody knows for sure what Matt Rhule and his new coaching staff will throw at them. Joe Brady gets to work with Teddy Bridgewater once again, who he already coached in New Orleans – so there will be familiarity for him in this system and they already “speak the same language”. That young receiving corp with D.J. Moore, Curtis Samuel, free agency addition Robby Anderson and even an up-and-coming tight-end in Ian Thomas is pretty underrated actually, plus of course they have one of the truly elite weapons out of the backfield in Christian McCaffrey, who is probably set to break his own RB reception record once again. The Panthers defense-only draft has brought them a monster in the middle in Derrick Brown (Auburn), a really talented edge rusher in Yetur Gross-Matos (Penn State) on the opposite of last year’s rookie stud Brian Burns, a super-rangy safety with linebacker size in Jeremy Chinn (Southern Illinois), what I think is a starting corner in Troy Pride Jr. (Notre Dame) and some other pieces in the secondary. The talent is clearly there and now you bring in a scheme that is probably going to be unique for the NFL level as well, when you look at that 3-3-5 Baylor ran under Rhule and defensive coordinator Phil Snow. As much as we want to praise our legends of the game, the quarterbacks of the two front-runners in this division will be 41 and 43 years old respectively and let’s not forget that Atlanta started out last season 1-7.

Why they could finish last again:
Especially this offseason, without certainty if there will be anything like training camp or even a real preseason, that completely new staff with new systems they are trying to teach will certainly have some growing pains. Bridgewater has been a top-20 starting QB maybe one year of his career and even when he was applauded for the way he filled in for Drew Brees last season, he finished dead-last in intended air yards among quarterbacks with at least 100 pass attempts. How will that mesh with a lot of vertical targets around him? When he has those guys running free on slants and dig routes, the ball will get there, but will he be willing to throw that deep post or give his guys a chance on go-balls? Defensively they are counting on a lot of young players and they have nobody to even come close to replacing Luke Kuechly, as well as making the switch to an unproven scheme possibly, if they actually use some of those 3-3-5 looks coming over from Baylor. When you look at Rhule’s track-record, it always took him until year two to show improvement and then in that third season is when those teams can really make some noise. And that was in the AAC and Big 12 respectively. Now he is in the NFC South with a team that just went 13-3 in the Saints and a Bucs squad that already was 7-9 and lost six of those games by one score, only because despite finishing fifth in takeaways, they ranked in the bottom five in turnover differential due to easily leading the league with 41 giveaways. That should get a lot better with Tom Brady coming in, who has never even quite thrown half of Jameis Winston’s 30 interceptions in any of his 20 years in the league. Even the Falcons – for as poorly as they started last season – went 6-2 after really coming together and making some changes in their bye week last season.

Bottom line:
The Panthers are clearly the most unproven team in this division. While new systems that haven’t been scouted yet certainly have an advantage in terms of game-planning early on, especially in this offseason with heavily limited live reps most likely, that might equal a net minus. You have to root for a guy like Teddy Bridgewater and the way he has worked his way up to a starting spot again, but I just don’t look at him as a surefire franchise signal-caller. The other three teams in the South all have top ten quarterbacks in the league in my opinion and much more continuity around them. Until the Panthers finally get to their bye week at the start of December, I don’t see them winning more than four of those twelve games. At that point they may have their eyes on a different goal already, if Teddy B isn’t the clear answer under center.


8. Cincinnati Bengals

Why they can win the division:
We’re not that far away from 2015, when the Bengals won the AFC North with a 12-4 record as the fifth year in a row making the playoffs. Since then this is the first time I feel like there really is change happening with this team. Marvin Lewis was replaced by a young Zac Taylor, trying to prove himself to the league, they drafted Heisman trophy winner Joe Burrow first overall to replace as average a quarterback as we have had over the last decade in Andy Dalton and the front office finally spent some money in free agency. While you would think a quarterback going first overall usually comes into a situation, where he is devoid of talent around him, Cincinnati suddenly has one of the better group of skill-position players in the entire league, assuming A.J. Green is back healthy. Tyler Boyd is a stud in the slot, who will be Burrow’s version of Justin Jefferson, a 50-50 ball specialist in second-round pick Tee Higgins (Clemson) matches perfectly with Burrow’s expertise of winning with ball-placement and if they get anything from former first-rounder John Ross at least as a decoy with his speed, that’s a plus. I expect Joe Mixon to be among the league leader’s in running back receptions and be more effective in space with those receivers around him as well. The signings the Bengals have made on defense gives them a lot more talent and complements very well what they already had. D.J. Reader is one of the most underrated defensive linemen in the league and frees everybody up along the front, they completely overhauled that linebacker group, which was a major issue these last couple of years, they brought in a starting CB2 and nickel from Minnesota to pair up with William Jackson III, who is ready to announce himself as one of the best corners in football, and Von Bell is a great match with the rangy free safety Jessie Bates.

Why they could finish last again:
As talented as all those guys throwing, catching and running the ball may be, it all starts with what’s happening up front and the Bengals offensive line is still in transition. They could have two of the worst starters in the league at both guard spots and right tackle once again, with the prior ones close to reaching that bust status and Bobby Hart still somehow having a starting job. As great as Joe Burrow was last year at LSU and how clean his evaluation was, how much better than Andy Dalton will he be right away, especially going up against those scary defensive fronts inside his division? Defensively they could easily have six new starters, which obviously can be looked at as a positive sign, considering they allowed 20+ points in all but two games last season, but there is also a lack of continuity and reduced time to fit all those pieces together. Cincinnati’s coaching staff hasn’t really proven anything yet and they will be facing a massacre of a schedule, with three occasions of back-to-back road games and while three of their final four games of the season are at home, they will face the Cowboys, Steelers and Ravens, to go with a trip to Houston in-between. If they don’t beat the Chargers in the season-opener, they probably don’t get that first W until week four against the Jaguars and then they have to hope they can sneak out another one until their bye week. Baltimore is tied with Kansas City for the highest projected win total with reigning MVP coming into just his third season, Pittsburgh is favored to make the playoffs with Big Ben back under center and Cleveland was the offseason favorite in 2019, while fielding an even better roster this year.

Bottom line:
I feel bad for putting this team last, because I thought Joe Burrow was the top quarterback and definitely worthy of that number one pick and the Bengals finally spent big money in free agency to retool the defense. To me this is less about them than the Ravens, who just were the number one overall seed in the playoffs at 14-2 and haven’t done anything other than get better themselves, a Steelers team that made a run at the playoffs with the worst quarterback play in the league now getting Ben back and a Browns roster that is among the top ten league-wide in most people’s opinion. Still, there is a lot to like about this team at the skill-positions, which is probably behind only Cleveland in terms all the weapons they have, some young standouts on defense and hope that all of this brings a fresh breath of air.

If you enjoyed this content, I would really appreciate if you could visit the original piece (with video clips) - https://halilsrealfootballtalk.com/2020/06/16/nfl-teams-most-likely-to-go-from-worst-to-first-in-2020/
You can also listen to my breakdown on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9kCcuPobNU
submitted by hallach_halil to nfl [link] [comments]

The Mouthbreather's Guide to the Galaxy

The Mouthbreather's Guide to the Galaxy
Alright CYKAS, Drill Sgt. Retarded TQQQ Burry is in the house. Listen up, I'm gonna train yo monkey asses to make some motherfucking money.

“Reeee can’t read, strike?” - random_wsb_autist
Bitch you better read if you want your Robinhood to look like this:
gainz, bitch

Why am I telling you this?
Because I like your dumb asses. Even dickbutts like cscqb4. And because I like seeing Wall St. fucking get rekt. Y’all did good until now, and Wall St. is salty af. Just google for “retail traders” news if you haven’t seen it, and you’ll see the salty tears of Wall Street assholes. And I like salty Wall St. assholes crying like bitches.

That said, some of you here are really motherfucking dense & the sheer influx of retardation has been driving away some of the more knowledgeable folks on this sub. In fact, in my last post, y'all somehow managed to downvote to shit the few guys that really understood the points I was making and tried to explain it to you poo-slinging apes. Stop that shit yo! A lot of you need to sit the fuck down, shut your fucking mouth and listen.
So I'm going to try and turn you rag-tag band of dimwits into a respectable army of peasants that can clap some motherfucking Wall Street cheeks. Then, I'm going to give you a mouthbreather-proof trade that I don't think even you knuckleheads can mess up (though I may be underestimating you).
If you keep PM-ing me about your stupid ass losses after this, I will find out where you live and personally, PERSONALLY, shit on your doorstep.
This is going to be a long ass post. Read the damned post. I don't care if you're dyslexic, use text-to-speech. Got ADHD? Pop your addys, rub one out, and focus! Are you 12? Make sure to go post in the paper trading contest thread first.

  1. Understand that most of this sub has the critical reading skills of a 6 year old and the attention span of a goldfish. As such, my posts are usually written with a level of detail aimed at the lowest common denominator. A lot of details on the thesis are omitted, but that doesn't mean that the contents in the post are all there is to it. If I didn't do that, every post'd have to be longer than this one, and 98% of you fucks wouldn't read it anyway. Fuck that.
  2. Understand that my style of making plays is finding the >10+ baggers that are underpriced. As such, ALL THE GOD DAMN PLAYS I POST ARE HIGH-RISK / HIGH-REWARD. Only play what you can afford to risk. And stop PM-ing me the second the market goes the other way, god damn it! If you can't manage your own positions, I'm going to teach your ass the basics.
  3. Do you have no idea what you're doing and have a question? Google it first. Then google it again. Then Bing it, for good measure. Might as well check PornHub too, you never know. THEN, if you still didn't find the answer, you ask.
  4. This sub gives me Tourette's. If you got a problem with that, well fuck you.

This shit is targeted at the mouthbreathers, but maybe more knowledgeable folk’ll find some useful info, idk. How do you know if you’re in the mouthbreather category? If your answer to any of the following questions is yes, then you are:
  • Are you new to trading?
  • Are you unable to manage your own positions?
  • Did you score into the negatives on the SAT Critical Reading section?
  • Do you think Delta is just an airline?
  • Do you buy high & sell low?
  • Do you want to buy garbage like Hertz or American Airlines because it's cheap?
  • Did you buy USO at the bottom and are now proud of yourself for making $2?
  • Do you think stOnKs oNLy Go uP because Fed brrr?
  • Do you think I'm trying to sell you puts?
  • If you take a trade you see posted on this sub and are down, do you PM the guy posting it?
  • Do you generally PM people on this sub to ask them basic questions?
  • Is your mouth your primary breathing apparatus?
Well I have just the thing for you!

Table of Contents:
I. Maybe, just maybe, I know what I’m talking about
II. Post-mortem of the February - March 2020 Great Depression
III. Mouthbreather's bootcamp on managing a position – THE TECHNICALS
IV. Busting your retarded myths
VI. The mouthbreather-proof trade - The Akimbo
VII. Quick hints for non-mouthbreathers

Chapter I - Maybe, just maybe, I know what I’m talking about
I'm not here to rip you off. Every fucking time I post something, a bunch of dumbasses show up saying I'm selling you puts or whatever the fuck retarded thoughts come through their caveman brains.
"hurr durr OP retarded, OP sell puts" - random_wsb_autist
Sit down, Barney, I'm not here to scam you for your 3 cents on OTM puts. Do I always get it right? Of course not, dumbasses. Eurodollar play didn't work out (yet). Last TQQQ didn't work out (yet). That’s just how it goes. Papa Buffet got fucked on airlines. Plain retard Burry bought GME. What do you fucking expect?
Meanwhile, I keep giving y'all good motherfucking plays:
  1. 28/10/2019: "I'ma say this again, in case you haven't heard me the first time. BUY $JNK PUTS NOW!". Strike: "11/15, 1/17 and 6/19". "This thing can easily go below 50, so whatever floats your boat. Around $100 strike is a good entry point."
  2. 3/9/2020: "I mean it's a pretty obvious move, but $JNK puts."
  3. 3/19/2020, 12pm: "UVXY put FDs are free money." & “Buy $UVXY puts expiring tomorrow if we're still green at 3pm. Trust me.”
  4. 3/24/2020: “$UUP 3/27 puts at $27.5 or $27 should be 10-baggers once the bill passes. I'd expect it to go to around $26.”
And of course, the masterpiece that was the TQQQ put play.
Chapter II. Post-mortem of the February - March 2020 Great Depression
Do you really understand what happened? Let's go through it.
I got in puts on 2/19, right at the motherfucking top, TQQQ at $118. I told you on 2/24 TQQQ ($108) was going to shit, and to buy fucking puts, $90ps, $70ps, $50ps, all the way to 3/20 $30ps. You think I just pulled that out of my ass? You think I just keep getting lucky, punks? Do you have any idea how unlikely that is?
Well, let's take a look at what the fuckstick Kevin Cook from Zacks wrote on 3/5:
How Many Sigmas Was the Flash Correction Plunge?
"Did you know that last week's 14% plunge in the S&P 500 SPY was so rare, by statistical measures, that it shouldn't happen once but every 14,000 years?"
"By several measures, it was about a 5-sigma move, something that's not "supposed to" happen more than once in your lifetime -- or your prehistoric ancestors' lifetimes!
"According to general statistical principles, a 4-sigma event is to be expected about every 31,560 days, or about 1 trading day in 126 years. And a 5-sigma event is to be expected every 3,483,046 days, or about 1 day every 13,932 years."

On 3/5, TQQQ closed at $81. I just got lucky, right? You should buy after a 5-sigma move, right? That's what fuckstick says:
"Big sigma moves happen all the time in markets, more than any other field where we collect and analyze historical data, because markets are social beasts subject to "wild randomness" that is not found in the physical sciences.
This was the primary lesson of Nassim Taleb's 2007 book The Black Swan, written before the financial crisis that found Wall Street bankers completely ignorant of randomness and the risks of ruin."
I also took advantage of the extreme 5-sigma sell-off by grabbing a leveraged ETF on the Nasdaq 100, the ProShares UltraPro QQQ TQQQ. In my plan, while I might debate the merits of buying AAPL or MSFT for hours, I knew I could immediately buy them both with TQQQ and be rewarded very quickly after the 14% plunge."
Ahahaha, fuckstick bought TQQQ at $70, cuz that's what you do after a random 5-sigma move, right? How many of you dumbasses did the same thing? Don't lie, I see you buying 3/5 on this TQQQ chart:
Meanwhile, on 3/3, I answered the question "Where do you see this ending up at in the next couple weeks? I have 3/20s" with "under 30 imo".

Well good fucking job, because a week later on 3/11, TQQQ closed at $61, and it kept going.
Nomura: Market staring into the abyss
"The plunge in US equities yesterday (12 March) pushed weekly returns down to 7.7 standard deviations below the norm. In statistical science, the odds of a greater-than seven-sigma event of this kind are astronomical to the point of being comical (about one such event every 160 billion years).
Let's see what Stephen Mathai-Davis, CFA, CQF, WTF, BBQ, Founder and CEO of Q.ai - Investing Reimagined, a Forbes Company, and a major fucktard has to say at this point:

"Our AI models are telling us to buy SPY (the SPDR S&P500 ETF and a great proxy for US large-cap stocks) but since all models are based on past data, does it really make sense? "
"While it may or may not make sense to buy stocks, it definitely is a good time to sell “volatility.” And yes, you can do it in your brokerage account! Or, you can ask your personal finance advisor about it."
"So what is the takeaway? I don’t know if now is the right time to start buying stocks again but it sure looks like the probabilities are in your favor to say that we are not going to experience another 7 standard deviation move in U.S. Stocks. OTM (out-of-the-money) Put Spreads are a great way to get some bullish exposure to a rally in the SPY while also shorting such rich volatility levels."
Good job, fuckfaces. Y'all bought this one too, admit it. I see you buying on this chart:
Well guess what, by 3/18, a week later, we did get another 5 standard deviation move. TQQQ bottomed on 3/18 at $32.73. Still think that was just luck, punk? You know how many sigmas that was? Over 12 god-damn sigmas. 12 standard deviations. I'd have a much better chance of guessing everyone's buttcoin private key, in a row, on the first try. That's how unlikely that is.
"Hurr durr you said it's going to 0, so you're retarded because it didn't go to 0" - random_wsb_autist
Yeah, fuckface, because the Fed bailed ‘em out. Remember the $150b “overnight repo” bazooka on 3/17? That’s what that was, a bailout. A bailout for shitty funds and market makers like Trump's handjob buddy Kenny Griffin from Citadel. Why do you think Jamie Dimon had a heart attack in early March? He saw all the dogshit that everyone put on his books.



Yup, everyone got clapped on their stupidly leveraged derivatives books. It seems Citadel is “too big to fail”. On 3/18, the payout on 3/20 TQQQ puts alone if it went to 0 was $468m. And every single TQQQ put expiration would have had to be paid. Tens or hundreds of billions on TQQQ puts alone. I’d bet my ass Citadel was on the hook for a big chunk of those. And that’s just a drop in the bucket compared to all the other blown derivative trades out there.

Y’all still did good, 3/20 closed at $35. That’s $161m/$468m payoff just there. I even called you the bottom on 3/17, when I saw that bailout:

"tinygiraffe21 1 point 2 months ago
Haha when? I’m loading up in 4/17 25 puts"
Scratch that, helicopter money is here."
"AfgCric 1 point 2 months ago
What does that mean?"
"It means the Fed & Trump are printing trillions with no end in sight. If they go through with this, this was probably the bottom."

"hurr durr, it went lower on 3/18 so 3/17 wasn't the bottom" - random_wsb_autist
Idiot, I have no way of knowing that Billy boy Ackman was going to go on CNBC and cry like a little bitch to make everyone dump, so he can get out of his shorts. Just like I have no way of knowing when the Fed decides to do a bailout. But you react to that, when you see it.
Do you think "Oh no world's ending" and go sell everything? No, dumbass, you try to figure out what Billy's doing. And in this case it was pretty obvious, Billy saw the Fed train coming and wanted to close his shorts. So you give the dude a hand, quick short in and out, and position for Billy dumping his short bags.
Video of Billy & the Fed train

Here's what Billy boy says:
“But if they don’t, and the government takes the right steps, this hedge could be worth zero, and the stock market could go right back up to where it was. So we made the decision to exit.”
Also, “the single best trade of all time.” my ass, it was only a 100-bagger. I gave y’all a 150-bagger.
So how could I catch that? Because it wasn't random, yo. And I'm here to teach your asses how to try to spot such potential moves. But first, the technical bootcamp.

Chapter III. Mouthbreather's bootcamp on managing a position – THE TECHNICALS

RULE 1. YOU NEVER BUY OPTIONS AT OPEN. You NEVER OVERPAY for an option. You never FOMO into buying too fast. You NEVER EVER NEVER pump the premium on a play.
I saw you fuckers buying over 4k TQQQ 5/22 $45 puts in the first minutes of trading. You pumped the premium to over $0.50 dudes. The play's never going to work if you do that, because you give the market maker free delta, and he's going to hedge that against you. Let me explain simply:

Let's say a put on ticker $X at strike $50 is worth $1, and a put at strike $51 is worth $2.
If you all fomo in at once into the same strike, the market maker algos will just pull the asks higher. If you overpay at $2 for the $50p, the market maker will just buy $51ps for $2 and sell you $50ps for 2$. Or he'll buy longer-dated $50ps and sell you shorter-dated $50ps. Max risk for him is now 0, max gain is $1. You just gave him free downside insurance, so of course he's going to start going long. And you just traded against yourself, congrats.

You need to get in with patience, especially if you see other autists here wanting to go in at the same time. Don't step on each other's toes. You put in an order, and you wait for it to fill for a couple of seconds. If it doesn't fill, AND the price of the option hasn't moved much recently, you can bump the bid $0.01. And you keep doing that a few times. Move your strikes, if needed. Only get a partial fill or don't get a fill at all? You cancel your bid. Don't fucking leave it hanging there, or you're going to put a floor on the price. Let the mm algos chill out and go again later.

RULE 2. WATCH THE TIME. Algos are especially active at x:00, x:02, x:08, x:12, x:30 and x:58. Try not to buy at those times.
RULE 3. YOU USE MULTIPLE BROKERS. Don't just roll with Robinhood, you're just gimping yourself. If you don't have another one, open up a tasty, IB, TD, Schwab, whatever. But for cheap faggy puts (or calls), Robinhood is the best. If you want to make a play for which the other side would think "That's free money!", Robinhood is the best. Because Citadel will snag that free money shit like no other. Seriously, if you don't have a RH account, open one. It's great for making meme plays.

RULE 4. YOU DON'T START A TRADE WITH BIG POSITIONS. Doesn't matter how big or small your bankroll is. If you go all-in, you're just gambling, and the odds are stacked against you. You need to have extra cash to manage your positions. Which leads to
RULE 5. MANAGING YOUR WINNERS: Your position going for you? Good job! Now POUND THAT SHIT! And again. Move your strikes to cheaper puts/calls, and pound again. And again. Snowball those gains.
So you bought some puts and they’re going down? Well, the moment they reach $0.01, YOU POUND THOSE PUTS (assuming there’s enough time left on them, not shit expiring in 2h). $0.01 puts have amazing risk/return around the time they reach $0.01. This is not as valid for calls. Long explanation why, but the gist of it is this: you know how calls have unlimited upside while puts have limited upside? Well it’s the reverse of that.
Your position going against you? Do you close the position, take your loss porn and post it on wsb? WRONG DUMBASS. You manage that by POUNDING THAT SHIT. Again and again. You don't manage losing positions by closing. That removes your gainz when the market turns around. You ever close a position, just to have it turn out it would have been a winner afterwards? Yeah, don't do that. You manage it by opening other positions. Got puts? Buy calls. Got calls? Buy puts. Turn positions into spreads. Buy spreads. Buy the VIX. Sell the VIX. They wanna pin for OPEX? Sell them options. Not enough bankroll to sell naked? Sell spreads. Make them fight you for your money, motherfuckers, don't just give it away for free. When you trade, YOU have the advantage of choosing when and where to engage. The market can only react. That's your edge, so USE IT! Like this:

Example 1:
Initial TQQQ 5/22 position = $5,000. Starts losing? You pound it.

Total pounded in 5/22 TQQQ puts = $10,824. Unfortunately expired worthless (but also goes to show I'm not selling you puts, dickwads)
Then the autists show up:
"Hahaha you lost all your money nice job you fucking idiot why do you even live?" - cscqb4
Wrong fuckface. You see the max pain at SPX 2975 & OPEX pin coming? Sell them some calls or puts (or spreads).

Sold 9x5/20 SPX [email protected], bam +$6,390. Still wanna pin? Well have some 80x5/22 TQQQ $80cs, bam anotha +$14,700.

+$21,090 - $10,824 = +$10,266 => Turned that shit into a +94.85% gain.

.cscqb4 rn

You have a downside position, but market going up or nowhere? You play that as well. At least make some money back, if not profit.

Example 2:

5/22, long weekend coming right? So you use your brain & try to predict what could happen over the 3-day weekend. Hmm, 3 day weekend, well you should expect either a shitty theta-burn or maybe the pajama traders will try to pooomp that shite on the low volume. Well make your play. I bet on the shitty theta burn, but could be the other, idk, so make a small play.

Sold some ES_F spreads (for those unaware, ES is a 50x multiplier, so 1 SPX = 2 ES = 10 SPY, approximately). -47x 2955/2960 bear call spreads for $2.5. Max gain is $2.5, max loss is 2960-2955 = $5. A double-or-nothing basically. That's $5,875 in premium, max loss = 2x premium = $11,750.
Well, today comes around and futures are pumping. Up to 3,014 now. Do you just roll over? You think I'm gonna sit and take it up the ass? Nah bros that's not how you trade, you fucking fight them. How?
I have:
47x 2960 calls
-47x 2955 calls

Pajama traders getting all up in my grill? Well then I buy back 1 of the 2955 calls. Did that shit yesterday when futures were a little over 2980, around 2982-ish. Paid $34.75, initially shorted at $16.95, so booked a -$892 loss, for now. But now what do I have?

46x 2955/2960 bear calls
1x 2960 long call

So the fuckers can pump it. In fact, the harder they pump it, the more I make. Each $2.5 move up in the futures covers the max loss for 1 spread. With SPX now at ~3015, that call is $55 ITM. Covers 24/46 contracts rn. If they wanna run it up, at 3070 it's break-even. Over that, it's profit. I'll sell them some bear call spreads over 3050 if they run it there too. They gonna dump it? well under 2960 it's profit time again. They wanna do a shitty pin at 3000 today? Well then I'll sell them some theta there.
Later edit: that was written yesterday. Got out with a loss of only $1.5k out of the max $5,875. Not bad.
And that, my dudes, is how you manage a position.

RULE 7 (ESPECIALLY FOR BEARS). YOU DON'T KEEP EXTRA CASH IN YOUR BROKER ACCOUNT. You don't do it with Robinhood, because it's a shitty dumpsterfire of a broker. But you don't do it with other brokers either. Pull that shit out. Preferably to a bank that doesn't play in the markets either, use a credit union or some shit. Why? Because you're giving the market free liquidity. Free margin loans. Squeeze that shit out, make them work for it. Your individual cash probably doesn't make a dent, but a million autists with an extra $1200 trumpbucks means $1.2b. That's starting to move the needle. You wanna make a play, use instant deposits. And that way you don't lose your shit when your crappy ass broker or bank gets its ass blown up on derivative trades. Even if it's FDIC or SIPC insured, it's gonna take time until you see that money again.



Do you think the market can go up forever? Do you think stOnKs oNLy Go uP because Fed brrr? Do you think SPX will be at 5000 by the end of the month? Do you think $1.5 trillion is a good entry point for stonks like AAPL or MSFT? Do you want to buy garbage like Hertz or American Airlines because it's cheap? Did you buy USO at the bottom and are now proud of yourself for making $2? Well, this section is for you!
Let's clear up the misconception that stonks only go up while Fed brrrs.

What's your target for the SPX top? Think 3500 by the end of the year? 3500 by September? 4000? 4500? 5000? Doesn't matter, you can plug in your own variables.

Let's say SPX only goes up, a moderate 0.5% each period as a compounded avg. (i.e. up a bit down a bit whatever, doesn't matter as long as at the end of your period, if you look back and do the math, you'll get that number). Let's call this variable BRRR = 0.005.

Can you do the basic math to calculate the value at the end of x periods? Or did you drop out in 5th grade? Doesn't matter if not, I'll teach you.

Let's say our period is one week. That is, SPX goes up on average 0.5% each week on Fed BRRR:
2950 * (1.005^x), where x is the number of periods (weeks in this case)

So, after 1 month, you have: 2950 * (1.005^4) = 3009
After 2 months: 2950 * (1.005^8) = 3070
End of the year? 2950 * (1.005^28) = 3392

Now clearly, we're already at 3015 on the futures, so we're moving way faster than that. More like at a speed of BRRR = 1%/wk

2950 * (1.01^4) = 3069
2950 * (1.01^8) = 3194
2950 * (1.01^28) = 3897

Better, but still slower than a lot of permabulls would expect. In fact, some legit fucks are seriously predicting SPX 4000-4500 by September. Like this dude, David Hunter, "Contrarian Macro Strategist w/40+ years on Wall Street". IDIOTIC.

That'd be 2950 * (BRRR^12) = 4000 => BRRR = 1.0257 and 2950 * (BRRR^12) = 4500 => BRRR = 1.0358, respectively.

Here's why that can't happen, no matter the amount of FED BRRR: Leverage. Compounded Leverage.

There's currently over $100b in leveraged etfs with a 2.5x avg. leverage. And that's just the ones I managed to tally, there's a lot of dogshit small ones on top of that. TQQQ alone is now at almost $6b in AUM (topped in Fed at a little over $7b).

Now, let's try to estimate what happens to TQQQ's AUM when BRRR = 1.0257. 3XBRRR = 1.0771. Take it at 3XBRRR = 1.07 to account for slippage in a medium-volatility environment and ignore the fact that the Nasdaq-100 would go up more than SPX anyway.

$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^4) = $7,864,776,060
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^8) = $10,309,100,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^12) = $13,513,100,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^28) = $39,893,000,000.

What if BRRR = 1.0358? => 3XBRR = 1.1074. Take 3XBRRR = 1.10.
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^4) = $8,784,600,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^8) = $12,861,500,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^12) = $18,830,600,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^28) = $86,526,000,000

And this would have to get 3x leveraged every day. And this is just for TQQQ.

Let's do an estimation for all leveraged funds. $100b AUM, 2.5 avg. leverage factor, BRRR = 1.0257 => 2.5BRRR = 1.06425

$100b * (1.06^4) = $128.285b
$100b * (1.06^8) = $159.385b
$100b * (1.06^12) = $201.22b
$100b * (1.06^28) = $511.169b

That'd be $1.25 trillion sloshing around each day. And the market would have to lose each respective amount of cash into these leveraged funds. Think the market can do that? You can play around with your own variables. But understand that this is just a small part of the whole picture, many other factors go into this. It's a way to put a simple upper limit on an assumption, to check if it's reasonable.

In the long run, it doesn't matter if the Fed goes BRRR, if TQQQ takes in it's share of 3XBRRR. And the Fed can't go 3XBRRR, because then TQQQ would take in 9XBRRR. And on top of this, you have a whole pile of leveraged derivatives on top of these leveraged things. Watch (or rewatch) this: Selena Gomez & Richard H. Thaler Explaining Synthetic CDO through BLACKJACK

My general point, at the mouth-breather level, is that Fed BRRR cannot be infinite, because leverage.
And these leveraged ETFs are flawed instruments in the first place. It didn't matter when they started out. TQQQ and SQQQ started out at $8m each. For the banks providing the swaps, for the market providing the futures contracts, whatever counter-party to whatever instrument they would use, that was fine. Because it balanced out. When TQQQ made a million, SQQQ lost a million (minus a small spread, which was the bank's profit). Bank was happy, in the long run things would even out. Slippage and spreads and fees would make them money. But then something happened. Stonks only went up. And leveraged ETFs got bigger and more and more popular.
And so, TQQQ ended up being $6-7b, while SQQQ was at $1b. And the same goes for all the other ETFs. Long leveraged ETF AUM became disproportionate to short AUM. And it matters a whole fucking lot. Because if you think of the casino, TQQQ walks up every day and says "I'd like to put $18b on red", while SQQQ walks up and says "I'd only like to put $3b on black". And that, in turn, forces the banks providing the swaps to either eat shit with massive losses, or go out and hedge. Probably a mix of both. But it doesn't matter if the banks are hedged, someone else is on the other side of those hedges anyway. Someone's eating a loss. Can think of it as "The Market", in general, eating the loss. And there's only so much loss the market can eat before it craps itself.

If you were a time traveller, how much money do you think you could make by trading derivatives? Do you think you could make $20 trillion? You know the future prices after all... But no, you couldn't. There isn't enough money out there to pay you. So you'd move the markets by blowing them up. Call it the Time-travelling WSB Autist Paradox.

If you had a bucket with a hole in the bottom, even if you poured an infinite amount of water into it, it would never be full. Because there's a LIQUIDITY SINK, just like there is one in the markets.
And that, my mouth-breathing friends, is the reason why FED BRRR cannot be infinite. Or alternatively, "STONKS MUST GO BOTH UP AND DOWN".


On Jan 14, 2020, I predicted this: Assuming that corona doesn't become a problem, "AAPL: Jan 28 $328.3, Jan 31 $316.5, April 1 $365.7, May 1 $386, July 1 $429 December 31 $200."
Now take a look at the AAPL chart in January. After earnings AAPL peaked at $327.85. On 1/31, after the 1st hour of trading, when the big boys make moves, it was at $315.63. Closed 1/31 at $309.51. Ya think I pulled this one out of my ass too?
Yes you can time it. Flows, motherfucker, flows. Money flow moves everything. And these days, we have a whole lot of RETARDED FLOW. Can't even call it dumb flow, because it literally doesn't think. Stuff like:

  • ETF flows. If MSFT goes up and AAPL goes down, part of that flow is going to move from AAPL to MSFT. Even if MSFT flash-crashes up to $1000, the ETF will still "buy". Because it's passive.
  • Option settlement flows. Once options expire, money is going to flow from one side to another, and that my friends is accurately predictable from the data.
  • Index rebalancing flows
  • Buyback flows
  • 401k passive flows
  • Carry trade flows
  • Tax day flows
  • Flows of people front-running the flows

And many many others. Spot the flow, and you get an edge. How could I predict where AAPL would be after earnings within 50 cents and then reverse down to $316 2 days later? FLOWS MOTHERFUCKER FLOWS. The market was so quiet in that period, that is was possible to precisely figure out where it ended up. Why the dump after? Well, AAPL earnings (The 8-K) come out on a Wednesday. The next morning, after market opens the 10-Q comes out. And that 10-Q contains a very important nugget of information: the latest number of outstanding shares. But AAPL buybacks are regular as fuck. You can predict the outstanding shares before the market gets the 10-Q. And that gives you EDGE. Which leads to


Are you one of those mouthbreathers that parrots the phrase "buybacks are just a tax-efficient way to return capital to shareholders"? Well sit the fuck down, I have news for you. First bit of news, you're dumb as shit. Second bit:

On 1/28, AAPL's market cap is closing_price x free_float_outstanding_shares. But that's not the REAL MARKET CAP. Because the number of outstanding shares is OLD AS FUCK. When the latest number comes out, the market cap changes instantly. And ETFs start moving, and hedges start being changed, and so on.

"But ETFs won't change the number of shares they hold, they will still hold the same % of AAPL in the index" - random_wsb_autist

Oh my fucking god you're dumb as fuck. FLOWS change. And the next day, when TQQQ comes by and puts its massive $18b dong on the table, the market will hedge that differently. And THAT CAN BE PREDICTED. That's why AAPL was exactly at $316 1 hour after the market opened on 1/31.

So, what can you use to spot moves? Let me show you:
Market topped on 2/19. Here’s SPY. I even marked interesting dates for you with vertical lines.

Nobody could have seen it coming, right? WRONG AGAIN. Here:

In fact, JPYUSD gave you two whole days to see it. Those are NOT normal JPYUSD moves. But hey maybe it’s just a fluke? Wrong again.

Forex showed you that all over the place. Why? FLOWS MOTHERFUCKER FLOWS. When everything moves like that, it means the market needs CASH. It doesn’t matter why, but remember people pulling cash out of ATMs all over the world? Companies drawing massive revolvers? Just understand what this flow means.
The reversal:
But it wasn’t just forex. Gold showed it to you as well. Bonds showed it to you as well.
Even god damn buttcoin showed it to you.
And they all did it for 2 days before the move hit equities.

You see all these bankruptcies that happened so far, and all the ones that are going to follow? Do you think that’s just dogshit companies and it won’t have major effects on anything outside them? WRONG.
Because there’s a lot of leveraged instruments on top of those equities. When the stock goes to 0, all those outstanding puts across all expirations get instantly paid.
Understand that Feb-March was a liquidity MOAB. But this will end with a liquidity nuke.
Here’s just HTZ for example: $239,763,550 in outstanding puts. Just on a single dogshit small-cap company (this thing was like $400m mkt. cap last week).
And that’s just the options on the equity. There’s also instruments on etfs that hold HTZ, on the bonds, on the ETFs that hold their bonds, swaps, warrants, whatever. It’s a massive pile of leverage.
Then there’s also the ripple effects. Were you holding a lot of HTZ in your brokerage margin account? Well guess what big boi, when that gaps to 0 you get a margin call, and then you become a liquidity drain. Holding long calls? 0. Bonds 0. DOG SHIT!
And the market instantly goes from holding $x in assets (HTZ equity / bonds / calls) to holding many multiples of x in LIABILITIES (puts gone wrong, margin loans, derivatives books, revolvers, all that crap). And it doesn’t matter if the Fed buys crap like HTZ bonds. You short them some. Because when it hits 0, it’s no longer about supply and demand. You get paid full price, straight from Jerome’s printer. Is the Fed going to buy every blown up derivative too? Because that's what they'd have to do.
Think of liquidity as a car. The faster it goes, the harder it becomes to go even faster. At some point, you can only go faster by driving off a cliff. THE SQUEEZE. But you stop instantly when you hit the ground eventually. And that’s what shit’s doing all over the place right now.
Rewatch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hG4X5iTK8M
And just like that fucker, “I’m standing in front of a burning house, and I’m offering you fire insurance on it.”

Don’t baghold!
Now is not the time to baghold junk. Take your cash. Not the time to buy cheap crap. You don’t buy Hertz. You don’t buy USO. You don’t buy airlines, or cruises, or GE, or motherfucking Disney. And if you have it, dump that shit.
And the other dogshit that’s at ATH, congrats you’re in the green. Now you take your profits and fucking dump that shit. I’m talking shit like garbage SaaS, app shit, AI shit, etc. Garbage like MDB, OKTA, SNAP, TWLO, ZM, CHGG etc.
And you dump those garbage ass leveraged ETFs. SQQQ, TQQQ, whatever, they’re all dogshit now.
The leverage MUST unwind. And once that’s done, some of you will no longer be among us if you don’t listen. A lot of leveraged ETFs will be gone. Even some non-leveraged ETFs will be gone. Some brokers will be gone, some market makers will be gone, hell maybe even some big bank has to go under. I can’t know which ones will go poof, but I can guarantee you that some will. Another reason to diversify your shit. There’s a reason papa Warrant Buffet dumped his bags, don’t think you’re smarter than him. He may be senile, but he’s still a snake.
And once the unwind is done, THEN you buy whatever cheap dogshit’s still standing.
Got it? Good.
You feel ready to play yet? Alright, so you catch a move. Or I post a move and you wanna play it. You put on a small position. When it’s going your way, YOU POUND DAT SHIT. Still going? Well RUSH B CYKA BLYAT AND PLANT THE GOD DAMN 3/20 $30p BOMB.

Chapter VI - The mouthbreather-proof play - THE AKIMBO
Still a dumbass that can’t make a play? Still want to go long? Well then, I got a dumbass-proof trade for you. I present to you THE AKIMBO:

STEP 1. You play this full blast. You need some real Russian hardbass to get you in the right mood for trading, cyka.
STEP 2. Split your play money in 3. Remember to keep extra bankroll for POUNDING THAT SHIT.
STEP 3. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy SQQQ 9/18 $5p, pay $0.05. Not more than $0.10.
STEP 4. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy TQQQ 9/18 $20p, pay around $0.45. Alternatively, if you’re feeling adventurous, 7/17 $35p’s for around $0.5.
STEP 5. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy VIX PUT SPREADS 9/15 $21/$20 spread for around $0.15, no more than $0.25. That is, you BUY the 21p and SELL the 20p. Only using Robinhood and don’t have the VIX? What did I just tell you? Well fine, use UVXY then. Just make sure you don’t overpay.

Chapter VII - Quick hints for non-mouthbreathers
Quick tips, cuz apparently I'm out of space, there's a 40k character limit on reddit posts. Who knew?

  1. Proshares is dogshit. If you don't understand the point in my last post, do this: download https://accounts.profunds.com/etfdata/ByFund/SQQQ-historical_nav.csv and https://accounts.profunds.com/etfdata/ByFund/SQQQ-psdlyhld.csv. Easier to see than with TQQQ. AUM: 1,174,940,072. Add up the value of all the t-bills = 1,686,478,417.49 and "Net other assets / cash". It should equal the AUM, but you get 2,861,340,576. Why? Because that line should read: NET CASH = -$511,538,344.85
  2. Major index rebalancing June 22.
  3. Watch the violent forex moves.
  4. 6/25 will be red. Don't ask, play a spread, bag a 2x-er.
  5. 6/19 will be red.
  6. Not settled yet, but a good chance 5/28 is red.
  7. Front run the rebalance. Front-run the front-runners of the rebalance too. TQQQ puts.
  8. Major retard flow in financials yesterday. Downward pressure now. GS 180 next weeks looks good.
  9. Buy leaps puts on dogshit bond ETFs (check holdings for dogshit)
  10. Buy TLT 1/15/2021 $85ps for cheap, sell over $1 when the Fed stops the ass rape, rinse and repeat
  11. TQQQ flow looks good:

Good luck. Dr. Retard TQQQ Burry out.
submitted by dlkdev to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Psycho Betting and Stats 301-Degenalytics Question

Before you even start watching this for entertainment and see if you get offended by this un-P.C. content. Don't be a pussy.
If you can't handle it, leave this thread. If you can, then you may proceed to the next level.
I've been scatter-brained, ire-filled, soul-searching and lost after a 7-day Degen Marathon that brought a shit load of misfortunes. I used to hate social media, but I've learned how to wield the soc. med. sword like a fucking Degen Jedi. I'm going to promote an honest cause where I seek to be victorious in the end. Just you watch you fucking doubters, haters, blockers, scammers. How much grit and intellect would the average fucking person have to endure what I've gone through in the last fucking 48 hours and still come out alive with a sense of greater purpose?
Had about $400 to $500 in righteously earned bonus dollars earned through impossible grinding degen mission that came pretty close to accomplishing (91%).
I would have had some imaginary >$600 BR by now, but instead the roll-over deadline caused the entire deposit to be forfeited and I manage to salvage some $100.
Due to a bonus rollover scheme, 80U of my balance was stuck in bonuses and if I fail to accomplish the roll-over by the deadline, it all gets forfeited.
With a $500-$600 balance, I could have somewhere at $900-1000 by now after a 20-2 W-L record on European football on Wednesday.
How did I get that record yesterday, by sampling a bunch of solid pre-game picks and live betting using my own fucking brain. I consult with the finest in capping. With $10-$20 bet sizes, That would have put me up maybe $15x16 = +$240 at minimum. $1000 was the imaginary bank roll. As of today, betting with $1 units, after Monday-Wednesday's successful run, while Tuesday was a -$50 blip, I converted $100 to about close to $200 (40U).
🤪🤑Psycho Betting🤑🤪:
I learned the art of psycho betting. Taking some well-advised 10U and 30U psycho bets that put my bankroll up a significant amounts, but a big loss does the opposite. Yesterday I manage to hit 4 grand 30U slams in a row, however many on juiced lines, so each $30 bet one returns about $15-20. Thus my bankroll grew nearly +100 units and sits close to $200 from the initial $100 I manage to salvage after that bonus robbery.
If you want to fucking learn the art of Psycho-Betting to the extremest and be successful at it, fucking put in $100 in Bovada (remember to use money that you can afford to lose) and get that fucking bonus for the purpose of looting the bookies in a successful vengeance scheme. This guy is a fucking Artillery: https://twitter.com/GoTimeCappers.
Fucking hit more than 4x30U grand slams yesterday and some 10-20U cherries on top. I tailed his free picks and other through consultation [Haha fucking reddit/sportsbook will probably ban me for promoting another tout, :)].Of course with my $1.5U size on a crippled bank roll, I cannot grow it to as much as I wanted to using GoTime's techniques. I would have been at another +$400 if I had $6 units. It's a high risk and high reward system, but if you are confident with your picks you go big on it. If you lose it, then you grind back with smaller 10U and 20U bets to try to get back to part to be able to do another 30U bet. The goal is to be like 2-1, 3-0 on 30U grand slams a day. There is some level of sustainability and back up plans to execute in case the 30U bet did not work out. It is very improbable for you to lose 10 in a row on well researched picks that the experts in the community have common agreement on. A lot of the times, the lines shift to reward you less for the pick since big money is already on the pick.
Use the chart on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IQ_classification
Here is a Nice Calculation to do:
📚📑💻Stats 301 Question in Degenalytics💻📑📚**:**
Lastly I asked anyone in the past few days to do a Stats 301 question with Degenalytics Context: To fucking determine the probability that an avg Joe with a $100+100 Bonus Bank-roll or $500 + 250B bank roll can actually pull off the $3000/$7500 grind in some number of N months betting with supposedly 2 full months of real sports (N-2) getting Obliterated by COVID-19. I want you to give me an analytical calculation or a simulation of your work and give me all the possible scenarios.
Then give the final verdict of if that number converges to 0.000% or 100.00% that the average Joe would succeed his false-hope mission for a successful rollover.
In other words think of it like this: If the average joe bets his entire bank roll 12 or more times (roll-over is not x10 because of bookie juice), what is the probability that he will still end up in the green? Also assign a tilt probability factor that the Average Joe would go on some emotional tilt spree to end up bust again? And make it even harder by eliminating 2-3 full months of real sports (N-2.5) and having to bet on Bovada's limited shitty ass lines and shitty live odds.
If you fucking want to eliminate the -2.5 months, then allow the average joe the freedom to bet on N months of e-sports [hahah] and see where that goes.
I had a bad experience betting on e-sports for 2 months and only end up -15-20U. I'm not saying that I lost because I suck at e-sports betting or I tailed the wrong people. The Bovada lines are super shitty and limited. Most of the time, on live esports, all you see are dashed out lines as if they fucking know what the rigged result is and prevent people from doing hedge bets or try to bet opposite spreads when they are winning to guarantee an insurance 1-1 with minimal damage incurred to their bank-roll. The live betting experience on e-sports on the Bovada platform is so bad that you are guaranteed to lose in the long run. Fucking hell Bodog/Bovada even offered me a $250 deposit on 100% bonus after the Rudy Gobert day in Mid March. They advertised the joys and wonders of getting rich betting off esports.
I was so tempted to deposit, however I kind of over-slept and missed out on the dead-line so they closed the bonus offer. Pretty good relief that I did not fuck-up my real credit card and bank account by falling for that scam again. It was an accidental Grace of God moment to fucking avoid that E-sports deposit marketing scam.
BONUS Questions:
A: Calculate the number of months needed and number of successful bets required for the conservative degen 1u bettor to grind out the roll-over playing
$2.00 tug of war with the bookie.
B: Calculate the odds that a professional capper who knows how to adjust unit sizes (1u-5u), do parlays once a while, will succeed the roll-over in some
N-2.5 months or add some e-sports to have fun to keep the N factor.
C.1: Calculate the conditional probabilities for the bettor succeeding in the mission if on the first few days of betting:
i) He loses bet 1 for about $20.
ii) Wins bet 1 for about $20 to earn $17.5.
iii) Goes on a 3 game losing streak
iv) 5 game losing streak
v) Positivity case: The guy got lucky and nearly doubled his bank roll on a decent run from day. Up +100U or $200. [I'm sure that out of bad discipline the average Joe would still go -200U in the long run with a pretty high probability.]
C.2: Determine the mathematical scheme on how the Bookies can use your first few losses to eventually put you in a 60+:40- (Greater than 60% locked in bonus, less than 40% of your deposited money). Bonus:Locked funds ratio.
The Jinx-King answer: It converges to zero [hahaha], but I really am interested in know what other scenarios math and stats people have come up. And your mathematical approaches and formulae used to generate possible scenarios and probabilities. But I think it is safe to say that for the average Joe,the answer is 0.00% success rate. Bodog/Bovada knows this exactly and refuses to put a hiatus on the roll-over deadline. Instead they keep it going so that people can try to wager on e-sports and lose their entire bank roll. They are only interested it getting 100% of your locked funds so that they can buy expensive cruises, yachts, beach mansions, resort packages, etc in Aruba or some other tropical place. Where you got millions of desperate Americans, Canadians in struggling economies with lost jobs and zero positive cash-flow. About 10% or so or perhaps even more deposit money into off-shore gambling websites hoping they can roll-over their bank-roll some ridiculous number of times and make a few bucks to put food on the table.
In fact, it makes matters worst being jobless, having zero cash flow and having locked funds in scamming bookies. If you are not good at casino or sports-betting games, you would have:
A: Lose your entire deposit for failing to grind it out properly.
B: Not grind it out on time on whatever dead-line the roll-over was.
C: Even if you did successfully grind that shit out using conservative 1u betting and play $2 tug of war with the bookie, you will end up just wasting your time grinding it out for hours and hours on end. It would have been better for you to fucking find a job at some farm helping out with harvesting crops or work in meat plants so that food does not go to waste. I bet you I can make more money than your $2 tug of war in one a day picking off cans and bottles off the streets in some exercise walking/running/biking + collection routine then selling it to the recycling center for $0.05-0.25 a unit. Trust me at my university, I spot maybe about 50-200 empty/partially driven cans and bottles left on desks, lecture halls, the floor, libraries, work areas, etc. Supposed that I harvested that shit, I would be making $5-$20 a day collecting it all and going to the recycling center once every week.
The fucking company knows this COVID-19 closure shit and want to use it to their advantage to continue to rob millions of their customers. Last week, I tried to call customer service, chat help, email, etc. and management has spoken to plead my case to delay the roll-over dead-line in a pro-rated time frame so that customers with locked balances can resume betting with their full balance when Game 1 of any Major League Sport actually returns. They give me the same bull-shit over and over saying they decline my request. For what reason?
  1. The terms and conditions written in fine print for accepting the bonus conversion challenge. "Rules are Rules."
  2. They were aware my deadline of June 22 at 19:23 ET was approaching soon. They knew I was on a mission to salvage my bank roll before they yank out the 60-75U trapped in bonus balances (i.e. Ghost money). By the end of it, I realize I made a foolish mistake. Most of my wins were just from bonus money and I was rewarded $0.00 on righteous wins on expired bonuses.
Therefore Bonus money only earns bonus money which put my entire bank-roll in a 80:20 ratio where the bookies control 80U in ghost money. By the end of the roll-over deadline, they get to yank out 80U of my balance at the deadline and left me with about $100 (20U) bank roll to regrind.
  1. They knew I was winning consistently making solid picks.
During my 110 hour marathon over the brutal grind of losing more than 70 hours of work, leisure and recreation; 35 hours of sleep; to a fucking impossible grind of trying to roll over some 60% of $7500 on sports I have little knowledge of capping (i.e. E-sports, Table Tennis, European football) after a few days of studying the game, I was picking up my stride to grind it to 91%. They fucking knew that if I had another day to grind, they would be coughing up +$600-800 of withdrawable balance to my account.
I am a Fucking PHD Candidate (2-6 months from graduating and not having to pay another round of BS tuition) who does a shitload of mathematics, statistics, simulations, mathematical physics, wrote scientific papers. I've won T.A. Awards, Government/Provincial/Institutional level scholarships, Conference presentations, with even Undergrad honors back in the day. DM me if you need a fucking CV to prove my fucking credentials.
Why am I able to write a lot of shit? Because my fucking brain operates on some max level Intel Xeon chip on overclock mode and I cannot do much to shut it down other than going to sleep. They only way is to write articles that I think might benefit the community.
I have a crazy interest in sports and Degen'ing. I love to fucking put action on sports games, be proud about making the correct calls on the outcome of games before it happens, and then boast to my circle of competitive friends about who's the fucking Boss. As tabboo as society think us degens are, I think this absolute BS. There is a pure enjoyment in watching sports and having action on it. It is nice to get paid beer money to cover a round for your buddies, or earn that rent money over a successful night of betting on shit you actually enjoy watching. Fuck I rather make $300 for one evening of enjoying sports rather than working a 9-5 dull job to try to afford rent/mortgage. If I can fucking pay off all my monthly expenses in 3 fucking successful nights of 3 hr sessions of sports matches, that would be ideal. I would take the lather over a 9-5 rat-race grind.
Overall I am "PRO" in the debate for local single sports betting bookies to be established in Canada. Get these fucking scamming off-shore books like bodog/Bovada who contribute only contribute "Bagel" to the Canadian Economy, but instead make it worst by scamming the masses of hard working or desperate people to leak out some sum of billions of dollars of national GDP. Probably the same applies to all American States, that people should not have to cough up their hard earned $$$$ to off-shore scamming bookies. I shall write an article about this later to justify my arguments later.
Ultimately I my goal is to obliterate or negate the influence of all the cons, scamming bookies, and false touts out there who are just interested in stealing people's $$$. To write out full studies on exposing their schemes in an objective lens.
Calling me out: (Think I cannot track these pussy downvotes? I know you cowards 😂😜😎)
If you think I'm full of BS, then send me a personal DM to have a 1v1 argument the same way that Stephen A debates sports with Max Kellerman. You can downvote me or flame me with empty hate talk all you want on public threads. But don't be a fucky pussy by avoiding a debate with me. Trust me, I'm going to win and be the last one to state a real point that you will have no comeback for [haha]. Lastly, if you are open to discuss or debate with me about some issues, do some resarch/exploration, betting strategies, etc., I would love your collaboration in some projects I got going on.
Ultimately, I should help every honest worker strive towards Degen success or if not, just to purely enjoy putting action on sports games. If you are too full of yourself, then you are on your own, I bid thee adieu, and wish you all the best. However you will be absolutely declined to all services and counsel I work to provide to friends for free.
Social Media📺🎬
Some extra Resource to how I got to this point in my mission.
Here it is for starters:
June 23, 2020: The Impossible Pursuit Reddit/sportsbook/Brag and Bitch (Tuesday)
June 24, 2020: Doubling Bank roll and rewarded Bagel: Reddit/sportsbook/Brag and Bitch (Wednesday)
June 24, 2020: How can you win 5 in a row and lose it all simultaneously? Reddit/sportsbook/What is your most impressive win?
Full Twiiter: https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5
All my media: https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/media
Discord: ????? To be solved.
Challenges: Got a few right in progress now and a couple of drafts I am working on.
The Jinxking Crusade (In progress): https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/status/1275516258822131714?s=20
Turns out many people cannot withdraw anything out of Bovada/bodog due to some website glitches. Will try to recover a bankroll to attempt a withdrawal, however I am likely to have the same issues too. They will make some lame excuse to not give me a cheque. Definitely no point of pursuing anything in bovada/bodog if they refuse to give you withdrawables. The goal is to get their website off outta here. As well as get them out of advertisements. They definitely pulled off some "Get the fucking money and run scheme" and you will likely not see your money again. GG
The Jinxking Challenge (In progress): https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/status/1275661929940467713?s=20
Want to expose a bad tout who over prices the service and has a mediocre record? Tail and fade to call their their BS or mediocre non profiting record out. Also good for finding legitimate winners too. This will be a mission to expose shitty touts on Twitter the way Penn & Teller exposes BS in the market.
submitted by jinxking0p5 to sportsbook [link] [comments]

Prizefighter Preschool: UFC 251: Usman vs Masvidal

Prizefighter Preschool is a preview for UFC events aimed at casual fans interested in learning more about the sport, or hardcore fans looking for even more input and perspective. With the UFC headed to Fight Island, myself and OpenFlameRecon will happily be your tour guides.
Event | UFC 251
Location | Yas Island, UAE (AKA Fight Island)
Expected Attendance | 0
Fight Pass Early Prelims Start Time | 6:00pm EST
ESPN Prelims Start Time | 8:00pm EST
ESPN+ PPV Main Card Start Time | 10:00pm EST
Prelims to Watch:
Welterweight (170lbs): Elizeu “Capoeira” Zaleski Dos Santos vs Muslim “The King of Kung Fu” Salikhov
Estimated Start Time: 9pm EST
Dos Santos vs Salikhov
Curitiba, Brazil From Buynaksk, Dagestan, Russia
22-6 Record 16-2
8-2 UFC Record 3-1
Capoiera Style Kickboxing
W (UD) Last Result W (UD)
Analysis: D: Expect an interesting bout here as elements of rarer martial arts play into what should be a striking heavy matchup. EZDS’ capoeira background manifests itself in flashy spinning kicks when he’s not throwing relentless combinations. Despite the “King of Kung Fu” nickname, Salikhov doesn’t show much Kung Fu in the cage. This is because it’s Kung Fu, and thus entirely ineffective in modern combat sports. However, his kickboxing is extremely crisp, and he is more than willing to throw vicious spinning kicks like his opponent. Salikhov has more potent 1-punch KO power, but he’ll need to overcome flurries from EZDS to show that off. C: While Salikhov is an extremely violent fighter, his style often involves throwing single big strikes at a lower pace than his opponents, in conjunction with absurd kicks that keep opponents at a distance while punishing their bodies. Meanwhile, although EZDS has looked somewhat slower in recent fights against Jingliang and Kunchenko, his volume is somewhat higher, and he has a higher tendency to throw strikes that don’t necessarily have the intention of ending the fight. As a result, it seems more likely that EZDS will be able to win with higher output and chance to do damage.
Picks: D/C: EZDS/DEC
Light Heavyweight (205lbs): (#7) Volkan “No Time” Oezdemir vs Jiri “Denisa” Prochazka
Estimated Start Time: 9:30pm EST
Oezdemir vs Prochazka
Fribourg, Switzerland From Hosteradice, Czechia
17-4 Record 26-3-1
5-3 UFC Record 0-0 (Debut)
Kickboxing Style Kickboxing
W (SD) Last Result W (KO)
Analysis: D/C: Volkan Oezdemir is an interesting case; his UFC debut saw a controversial split decision win. After that, he flatlined his next two opponents early on, making good on his “No Time” nickname. When he challenged for the Light Heavyweight title, Daniel Cormier dominated him, and he followed that loss with two more losses. A big KO win over Ilir Latifi turned that around, and a split decision over rising contender Aleksander Rakic kept that momentum going. But now he faces a debuting Jiri Prochazka, the former champion of Japanese promotion Rizin. Prochazka enters the UFC on a 7 fight KO streak, having never lost his Rizin title, rather vacating in order to switch promotions. This fight has the possibility of ending at any moment due to the explosive power of both competitors. It’s a quintessential matchup of a mid-tier contender seeking to hold their ground against a newcomer with serious hype. Oezdemir’s style has changed over the past year or so, but the fundamental basis of it involves an extremely physical clinch, backed by hard low kicks. While Jiri’s powerful striking led him to a lot of success in Rizin, it may not work out in his UFC debut, against an incredibly durable hitter like Oezdemir. Personally, I think No Time has run out of time with this matchup.
Picks: D: Prochazka/2/KO C: OezdemiDEC
Main Card
Women’s Flyweight (125lbs): (#14-SW) Amanda Ribas vs “12 Gauge” Paige VanZant
Estimated Start Time: 10:10pm (EST)
Ribas vs VanZant
Minas Gerais, Brazil From Reno, Nevada
9-1 Record 8-4
3 UFC Record 5-3
Jiu-Jitsu Style MMA
W (UD) Last Result W (sub)
Analysis: D: To me, this fight is placed far too highly on the card, because both women are “marketable”. Not that these two aren’t good, as they are (especially Ribas), however this bout is just in a place more important than it should be. Usually fighting at Strawweight, Ribas and VanZant are fighting 10 pounds heavier at Flyweight for this bout. This will be VanZant’s first bout since January of 2019, with a surgery for a broken arm and a re-breaking of said arm in-between then and now. While VanZant’s striking is fairly good, Ribas will look to take this fight to the ground and control the grappling. While 12 Gauge Paige has some decent grappling and even a few submission wins, expect Ribas to take this one should it head to the canvas. C: I think a lot of people are underrating PVZ in this fight. Ribas is a violent and exciting prospect and PVZ has been out with injury after injury, sure, but Paige is still a decent grappler with flashy striking. While I, and a lot of others, are expecting that Ribas will be able to put in work on the ground vs. PVZ, it would not shock me to see her get outstruck on the feet.
Picks: D: Ribas/1/Sub C: Ribas/2/SUB
Women’s Strawweight (115lbs): (#2) “Thug” Rose Namajunas vs (#1) Jessica “Bate Estaca” Andrade
Namajunas vs Andrade
Arvada, Colorado From Parana, Brazil
8-4 Record 20-7
6-3 UFC Record 11-5
L (KO) Last Result L (TKO)
Analysis: D: This bout, to me, is the exact opposite of the last bout; a highly skilled matchup between top contenders and former champions. This is a rematch of a world championship bout last year in which Rose Namajunas was dominating until holding on to a kimura too long, allowing Andrade to lift her opponent and send her skull-first into the canvas with a brutal slam KO. Andrade would go on to lose her first title defense to current champ Weili Zhang, setting up this fantastic rematch. The “story” of this fight is that of an attempted comeback for two women coming off of championship losses (Rose has not fought since the last Andrade fight). However, the more interesting aspect of this bout to me is determining how much of a fluke Andrade’s win was last time around. A lot of the MMA community believes that Rose simply lost due to the single mistake of hanging on long enough to get lifted and slammed. I fall in line with that point of view. Barring another crazy circumstance, Rose should be able to strike at a distance and avoid the absurd power of Brazil’s sledgehammer. C: I think a lot of people have the wrong mindset when looking at Namajunas/Andrade 1 and are too salty about Rose losing to fairly assess the fight. Rose had an absolutely incredible first round, consistently countering Andrade every time she stepped in, and even dropping her at one point. Her footwork is extremely light, and she has excellent in-and-out movement to compliment heavy hands and lethal grappling. Andrade, meanwhile, is like a female John Lineker, and a 5’1 Wanderlei Silva. Hooks, hooks, hooks. If Andrade ever threw a straight punch, I’d be concerned about which universe I’m living in. Her height lets her excel at throwing to the body and getting into a clinch, while her unreal strength lets her throw opponents around with minimal effort. However, Andrade seriously struggles with an opponent who can move around her with ease, and an opponent who can comfortably counter her on the way in (demonstrated recently by Zhang and Namajunas). Some people look at the first fight, see the success in the first round, and say Namajunas was winning the entire fight, and the slam was a lucky fluke. Here’s the thing for me: do I see a second slam happening? Not necessarily, but I think the option is there. The bigger thing for me is that Namajunas was beginning to slow down in the second round, and Andrade’s leg kicks were adding up. While she was not winning the round before the slam, she was very liable to pick up the next three or so rounds with consistent heavy leg kicks and pressure. In a five round fight, I’d probably pick Andrade here, but the 3 round bout leads me to think Namajunas can at least somewhat replicate her prior performance.
Picks: D/C: Namajunas/DEC
UFC Bantamweight Championship (135lbs)(vacant):(#3) Petr “No Mercy” Yan vs (#6) Jose Aldo “Junior”
Yan vs Aldo
Yekaterinburg, Russia From Manaus, Brazil
14-1 Record 28-6
6-1 UFC Record 10-5
Muay Thai Style Muay Thai/BJJ
W (KO) Last Result L (DEC)
Analysis: D: WARNING: SALT INCOMING. This is a great fight, but let’s be real, it isn’t the Bantamweight title fight-- that happened at UFC 250 when Sterling beat Sandhagen. For those unaware, UFC Bantamweight Champion Henry Cejudo retired at UFC 249, vacating his title. With a bout upcoming between the #2 and #4 in the division, the UFC instead decided to make the title fight between the #3 and the #6 a month after that because Jose Aldo is a former champ and a big name. Aldo lost his only fight since dropping down to bantamweight. While it was a razor-thin decision (that many thought he won) against the #1 contender, the official ruling was that he lost. Aljamain Sterling is the real bantamweight champion. With that rant out of the way, this fight should be incredible. Yan is a phenomenal rising contender with heavy hands, and Jose Aldo is one of the greatest of all time. While past his prime, Aldo proved in his last fight that he could still hang with the best in this 135lb division. Yan has extremely impressive power for this division and can turn out his opponent’s lights at any second. But Aldo’ leg kicks could easily chop Yan down before that occurs. While Aldo is all around a better striker, I fear that Yan’s power, and dehydration from the weight cut affecting Aldo’s chin could spell disaster for the King of Rio. C: Aldo used to be one of the biggest featherweights in the UFC, looking like nothing short of a corpse going into weigh-ins. The talk for years was always about Jose moving up in weight, so when he first mentioned changing weight classes, the MMA world was mortified to learn he meant going DOWN in weight, not up. That being said, he didn’t look awful in his fight against Marlon Moraes (in fact, I scored it for him at the time). One of, if not the greatest fighter of all time, Aldo’s style has evolved drastically over the years. From a violent and explosive finisher who would blast leg kicks to a one of the best defensive fighters in MMA, to a boxer with grueling liver shots, Aldo has proven himself both extremely adaptable and durable. In his bout with Moraes, however, things were a bit weird. The first round included a head kick that sent Aldo reeling, and the third round featured a much lower output from Aldo than one would have expected. While he looked great in the second round, that clearly was not a sustainable performance, and as such leaves a lot of room for concern against a beast like Yan. On that note, Petr Yan is an absolute savage. With good boxing, hard kicks, and a nasty clinch, Yan’s game is rounded out by brutal pressure, ceasely backing his opponent into the fence at all costs. Although his guard does leave room for improvement, having seen him hit hard or countered by opponents like Dodson and Rivera, even a hurt Petr Yan will force his opponents backwards. While his performance vs. Rivera was saved by a series of heavy knockdowns at the end of the rounds, I’m not sure how heavily to judge him for it-- after the fact, Yan mentioned having been stung by a jellyfish and experiencing a fever leading up to the fight. In addition, Aldo would be the best fighter that he has faced in his entire UFC career by a wide margin, and there may end up being levels to this shit. A prime Jose Aldo would give a fighter like Yan fits with his defensive footwork and counterpunching capabilities, but the Moraes performance did not give a lot to look forward to. Although it’s possible that Aldo turns back the clock yet again and blasts Yan early in the first round, it seems more plausible to me that by the second round, Yan will be turning up the heat to a late finish against an all-time great. PS: Sterling deserves the next title shot.
Picks: D: Yan/2/KO C: Yan/3/KO
UFC Featherweight Championship (145lbs): © Alexander “The Great” Volkanovski vs (#1) Max “Blessed” Holloway 2
Volkanovski vs Holloway
Shellharbour, NSW, Australia From text
21-1 Record text
8-0 UFC Record text
Kickboxing Style text
W (DEC) Last Result L (DEC)
Analysis: D: Instant rematches tend not to go well for former champions, and I see this bout following that trend. Max Holloway’s entire run to the featherweight title, and every subsequent defense of the title, all had one thing in common; volume striking. Holloway would drown out opponents in relentless flurries across rounds, picking up the pace as his opponents tired out. So when Alexander Volkanovski dethroned Holloway last year by outstriking him, it came as a surprise. With the pandemic admittedly affecting Max’s ability to train with his usual sparring partners, and so little time for changes to be made between this bout and the first, I expect Volkanovski to successfully defend here, as much as that upsets me. C: Outside of going on a rant about how dumb instant rematches tend to be, I’m uncertain of how Max Holloway could improve his odds of winning going into the fight. His normal style consists of dragging his opponents into deep water and drowning them, drastically picking up the pace between the first couple rounds and the final three. With a good jab, the ability to fight from both stances, and a size advantage over his opponents, Max was able to compile an insane 14 fight unbeaten streak (at featherweight). Volkanovski’s career has been similarly impressive, with a streak capped off by wins over Chad Mendes, Jose Aldo, and Max Holloway. His early fights involved him grinding his opponents out with extremely physical and violent wrestling, while the latter several fights of his career demonstrated his aptitude for feinting and kickboxing. The first fight between Volkanovski and Holloway involved a few critical tactics by Volkanovski: the constant leg kicks inhibited Max’s normal movement, while his feinting and handfighting stopped Max from being able to effectively jab to set up his combos. For the most part, every time that Holloway stepped in to try and throw combinations, Volkanovski would stifle it by throwing a heavy counter. Max was able to adapt somewhat in the later rounds, but his success was rather muted. It feels to me like Max would have to make a number of notable adjustments to his style in order to win, while Volkanovski has far less work to do (and, in fact, can revert to the grind-heavy style of his early career if necessary). Finally, Max has made comments about not having his coaches with him for sparring or training during the pandemic and while I do not believe him in entirety, I’m more than a bit concerned about what it might imply. Although I’d love to see Blessed pull this one off, I don’t feel comfortable picking him.
Picks: D/C: Volkanovski/DEC
Main Event: UFC Welterweight Championship (170lbs): © “The Nigerian Nightmare” Kamaru Usman vs (#3/BMF) Jorge “Gamebred” Masvidal
Usman vs Masvidal
Ft. Lauderdale, FL From Miami, FL
16-1 Record 35-13
11-0 UFC Record 11-6
Wrestling Style Boxing/Kickboxing
W(TKO) Last Result W (Doctor Stoppage)
Analysis: D: The most hyped up fight on this card, and the main event, did not exist as it does now just a few days ago. The original main event for this card was Usman defending his 170lb title against his teammate, Gilbert Burns. Because of this situation, Usman switched gyms temporarily. This switch proved to be a great decision as his original opponent and a few teammates caught COVID19. With Burns (the most deserving contender) out, the UFC decided to pay Jorge Masvidal the big bucks he thought he was worth and have him fight for the belt on short notice. Masvidal has been a consistent figure in the UFC for years, but was never more than a mid-card fighter. A stint on a survivor-like reality show had Masvidal claiming he’d come back “baptizing” people. While Jesus may not be a fan of CTE[a], Street Jesus certainly is, and Masvidal came back to flatline heavy favorite Darren Till in Till’s home country of England. Next, Masvidal was paired with undefeated wrestler Ben Askren. Knowing Askren’s striking to be terrible, Masvidal anticipated that Askren’s first move would be to dive in for a takedown. One flying knee later and Akren’s undefeated record was gone, in its place was Masvidal’s fastest knockout in UFC history record at just 5 seconds. All this talk about baptizing people and being a “bad motherfucker” caught the eye of Nate Diaz, who called for a fight with Masvidal to see if the east coast or west coast gangsters were more, well, gangster. The UFC, seeing a huge money fight, but not wanting to allow a single PPV event without a title belt on the line, instituted the “BMF” belt. While the BMF belt was nothing more than a vanity plate for the winner of a fun fight, Masvidal taking said belt via doctor stoppage was enough to start serious talk of him being a title contender. Cue months of money disputes, and one unfortunate case of COVID later and Masvidal is getting his shot at the real belt. While Masvidal was baptizing fools, Usman was welterweight champion, having dominated Tyron Woodley in shocking fashion to take the belt. The Nigerian Nightmare then took out noted loudmouth tool Colby Covington in his first defense. The two fighters known for their excellent wrestling decided that their hatred of one another was more important, leading to neither man attempting a takedown and both men trying to take each other’s heads off with punches. Usman cathartically broke the jaw of Covington to end the night. One interesting note here is Usman’s switch of gyms. Temporarily working under Trevor Wittman, I think Usman’s striking may greatly improve. If it does, Masvidal might be in serious trouble. While Masvidal has serious KO power and good grappling, he stands to get outwrestled for 5 rounds if he can’t close the show early. Usman’s chin and possible improvements to his striking game lead me to think that Gamebred won’t get such an opportunity. C: Usman is an extremely talented wrestler with endless cardio and a slowly developing striking game. Having shown himself capable of outstriking and outgrappling wrestlers like Covington and Woodley, while dominating strikers like RDA, the champion has put together a skillset and resume that leave some questioning who will be able to take the belt off of him. Between his solid clinch entries and consistent bodywork, Usman has few weaknesses to be exploited. However, some notable deficiencies in his game are present in his comfort standing (while his offensive striking is improving, his defense and capacity for getting out of the way of punches leaves something to be desired). Masvidal, meanwhile, is well suited to take advantage of some of these deficiencies. Having been around for nearly two decades in the fight game, his skill set is extremely well rounded. From showing incredible kick-catching against the likes of Ellenberger and Cerrone, to stuffing takedowns from Bendo and surviving on the mat against Maia (who went on to describe Masvidal as having some of the best defensive BJJ he’d ever faced), Masvidal has brought his game to a new level by demonstrating an urgency to finish fights that was lacking in his previous title runs. Given the extreme short notice nature of the bout, it’s kind of hard to pick against Usman here. Maybe the short notice will benefit Masvidal through a combination of not overtraining/a new stylistic matchup/willingness to take risks, but betting on x-factors like that against a champion as consistent as Kamaru Usman doesn’t make sense to me here. The more likely scenario, to me, is that a combination of Usman’s superior grappling and Masvidal’s short notice preparation will result in a successful defense of the title.
Picks: D/C: Usman/DEC
[a]jesus loves knockouts
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JoJo's Bizarre Adventure OC Tournament #5: Round 1 Match 16 Jade Vs Keith

The results are in for Match 14. The winner is…
Raymond Delwyn Shimizu, with a score of 66 to Cy Syntheta’s 60!
Category Winner Point Totals Comments
Popularity Baker Street Rat Pack 13-17 The rat pack took a commanding early lead, but the Lookers managed to slowly catch up, ending 2 votes behind.
Quality Sharp Lookers 22-15 Reasoning
JoJolity Sharp Lookers 21-18 Reasoning
Conduct Tie 10-10
Raymond Delwyn Shimizu wasn’t sure what came over him there, thinking about this noted killer in terms of ghosts and ghouls, but it seemed to have served him well, at least, against this foe who had played with him a game of stealth of sorts. ‘Pure and True’ repaired his sword to the pristine state it had begun the match in, and then the man looked around at the damage this battle had caused, quiet contemplation on his face.
A tanned, casually-dressed (Ray, as part of the sharpest-dressed team, might even call his look outright shabby, were he the judgmental sort) young man with prominent eye bags met his gaze soon, and Raymond looked at the book the figure was reading, a story of sorts about local fauna of the Agricultural District. Fascinating stuff, he was sure, but of the younger people in the room who had been closely watching the battle, this guy was the one who, for some reason, he had felt the most curious about.
“Old enemy..?” Noticing he was being watched, but apparently not deeming being in the same room as Ray a threat, the tired-looking guy asked about the defeated Cy. “I mean, that was basically on sight that they started an Antlerhead cosplay and you turned this entire library into… This.” He gestured at the wreckage of the place, the vacantly malicious black-hatted man still walking around like nothing about this was odd, but many of the other obvious Stand Users of the area moving more cautiously around every oddity like an elaborate game of ‘floor is lava’ had just played out before them.
“Moreso a noted hired killer I happened to run across,” he answered, still weighing how much of his cover to blow as he spoke, “I just came here for research, and immediately understood that a fight had begun. Really did a number on this place, though…” Adjusting his hat, he summoned ‘Pure and True’ again. “All this, and I never actually met this ‘Oh No’ guy…”
“I saw a bunch of professors leaving to go ‘talk more at CaraMel’s’ earlier, when I came here, if you’re talking about that,” the guy answered, the purple beret girl nodding slightly as if to corroborate the story in the slight background, “and two of them seemed to be offering much of the same gripes about not finding this person… It wasn’t my business, so I minded my own, but it did stick out in my head somewhat.”
“I see… Thank you.” He’d heard somewhere that the head of the Institute would often blow off meetings and ask another member to say what he wanted to hear. And he’d wanted to check that place out, so maybe he could..!
Then, he looked around at him. That ‘assassin’ fought with almost a contempt for this place of learning, for some reason, which makes me wonder even more about who sent them, but… I had my part in this too. I can’t just leave a mess. If I did, that receptionist girl would either have a heart attack or cut my throat in my sleep, I’m feeling it… That helps too.
Ray, while he wished he could investigate further, felt a sense of responsibility for this wrecked-up place. Even using his Stand to fix this place up, public hours here were shorter than they were for faculty and students of Midnight Sun schools, so it would probably be close to closing time for the public by the time he finished up with that. Certainly barely anybody else walking around seemed to want to help clean…
He would have to choose how he used his limited research time wisely from here.
Keep reading to see what that young man Ray met is getting up to, but also keep in mind, as of this being posted, you have over a day still to vote on a cow heist that’ll shape the future of the district!
While it might not be the most well known creature in the district’s storied history, there have certainly been rumors going about of one that is seldom seen, written about only briefly, and nonetheless a marvel in its own right.
Something dangerous that lurks in the forests of the Agriculture District. A creature that can best even expert hunters and is used to scare children away from wandering too far into the woods. They are only ever said to be spotted every 2 to 3 decades, but they are as fearsome as the rumors say they are.
Midnight Sun Parapsychological Institute Research Library
It was just Keith’s luck, two stand users were fighting inside the library. The worst part about it, very few people were even batting an eye at the literal silent war going on in the background. He could swear he saw some college kids placing bets on the fight over in the corner.
This was not at all what he came here for, he just wanted to learn more about the biodiversity of the Agricultural District. While it was hard to find specifics about it in the history and geography section, surely there would be something here that would be able to help him.
But as fate would have it, his hunt for books had ended up fruitless. Maybe some of the content was being gated, or maybe the Agriculture District was just difficult to get specific data on. Keith would not be dissuaded that easily though, changing the search terms and checking all the boxes in the computer catalogue, he hit enter.
The top result was an essay, and a recent one at that. Keith clicked the link, it was the only relevant result he got today.
“The Desert Jackalope of Los Fortuna”
The article was more of a news reading and summary on witness accounts of a jackalope that resembled a striking resemblance to a desert hare. It was just spotted recently along the outskirts of the city as well. But as luck would have it, Keith couldn’t glean any more information from the article besides the existence of the jackalope, the fact it could shed its horns, and the fact it was spotted in a number of varied biomes over the past century.
With that, bidding the Speedwagon Swordsman farewell, Keith closed the tab and turned to leave. It seemed as if he was going to need to do some investigating of his own if he wanted to see the jackalope and the other features of the Agriculture District in person.
A few days later…
Bounty Woods, the relative middle of nowhere - Agriculture District
Keith made his way over to the Agriculture District by bus, taking in the scenery and getting off at the last stop. Keith had visited the district a few times in the past few days, taking notes on the wildlife, exploring the strange desert biomes which somehow coexisted with frigid tundras and dense jungles, and trying to get more information on the elusive jackalope. Finally he managed to pin down its location here with the help of some locals.
Keith made his way to the foot of the hiking trail, and stopped as he noticed something in front of him. There was a large pick-up truck, and out of it he saw a man emerge, dressed in full uniform.
“Hey! What are you doing there? This range is currently off-limits, sir!” The man called out.
Keith, pointedly nonthreateningly, put his hands up when he realized the man he quickly surmised as the district’s Sheriff looked right at him. “Sorry officer, I didn’t know this was private property. I swear it won’t ever happen again.”
The officer was slightly taken aback by the reaction, but continued, “What? No boy, this place is dangerous. You gotta get out of here.”
“He… is… right,” A voice, low, uttered, before something opened the car door and stepped out.
Keith stood in silent shock. A creature over 7 feet tall, hide cloak, antlers adorned on their head, and glowing green eyes. There was no mistaking it, it was the Antlerhead, another one of the creatures said to be in the district, but what were they doing here? “Wh … what ... how …. Antlerhead?” Keith’s head ran wild with questions as he fumbled over what to ask first and finally put his arms down.
The man looked back at this ‘Antlerhead,’ and then back at Keith. “You got the stink of the Industrial District’s smoke all over you, but even besides that… You’re not from around here, are you? Another of that batch of newcomers…” He sighed, “probably means you’re just involved in this now. Guess I’ve got some explaining, then… Names, first. Sheriff East, to ya.” East walked over and sat down on the back of the truck.
The Black Hill Estate - Agriculture District, a day before
Sheriff East West was no stranger to the Estate, but ever since its enigmatic proprietor, “Spencer,” disappeared, and shortly after a bunch of new stand users moved in, the place had nonetheless put him a little on edge. What effective police the district had had were on loan to the Keshem family, aiding them in investigating a local’s tip into a possible heist, however, and the sole time since the recent incidents began he had been there had proven pleasant enough.
East walked down the bridge to the island estate. He knew that these people weren’t so unlike those of the area; most of them simply didn’t wish to be bothered, but under these circumstances, he thought it important. “Worth a shot, at least…” East mumbled to himself.
Sheriff East made his way up to the poarch and rang the doorbell… no response. Strange, he thought, surely there would be somebody left at the manor to respond… Is everyone out all at once? Or has the wild around here ended another stay here prematurely…
From behind East, then, making the hairs on his back stand on end, came an animalistic rumbling, and grumbling, and as he turned, he saw them: a massive, cloaked figure, another of the many beings whom had been recently sighted around the earth and Los Fortuna.
“What are… you doing… here?” Jade had followed after him the moment he crossed the bridge. They vaguely recalled the last time he was here, to pick up a lost child who, by all the limited follow up the Estate did, did in fact return safely and happily to his family, cementing at least the likely lack of malice of the man. He had introduced himself then, but here he had to be here for something else… Generally, the only people who came out here without a purpose were thrill seekers, and he had seemed a touch old for that.
East nearly jumped out of his shoes as he turned around. And almost did again as he got a look at Jade standing at the edge of the steps. “Chist, you can’t just do that to somebody. 38 is way too young to start gettin’ sent to the hospital with heart attacks!”
Still audibly breathing Jade reworded, basically, the same question, “What… are you… here for?” Jade was slightly curious, and it had seemed like the man wasn’t running away… Either brave, foolish, or simply… Not threatened?
East eventually caught his breath and cleared his throat. “Well, I had a favor I was going to ask for one of y’all, knowing that people with certain… Skillsets, have taken up residence out here. A certain, er… Problem has come up around Bounty Woods.” East tried to formulate his words carefully, thinking about how to phrase what he was about to say.
“On with it…” Jade prompted him, finding little amusement in how he took his time getting to his point.
“There is a creature that’s been wrecking the crops and the outlining forest.” East took another slight pause, realizing how that sentence might come across to Jade. “Wait, actually it's probably easier if I explain. Have you ever heard of a ‘Jackalope?’”
“‘Jackalope…’” Jade grunted, then slowly nodded, not particularly caring about the slip up East made. “Rabbit… with antlers. Like mine.”
East continued, “While that’s true that’s not even the half of it, they are extremely dangerous but I’m getting ahead of myself.” East cleared his throat again, “There is a right mean one over near the outskirts of the forest. It’s practically kicked out all the other animals that lived in that area too.”
Jade grunted quizzically, “So… you want… my help?” Jade had never heard of any animal that could cause all others to flee from an area, not even they did that in their forest. This seemed to be a not terribly unusual occurrence here based on how East spoke of it.
“Yeah that’s about, er, the gist of it. My men are busy, Ernie’s busy, Matilda and that Green animal expert kid who works the airport are busy… Basically everyone I’d have asked normally is on something that, yeah, it’s more important long term, but in the meantime, there’s still this damn jackalope causing trouble, yeah?” East scratched his head, then turned to leave. “Though, honestly, maybe I can come back some other time and ask the others here… I take it you’re not interested in this kind of stuff, after all.”
Jade puts up a hand, “Wait...tell me... more.” Jade saw no reason to involve the others just yet, this was a problem they themself could probably easily solve.
Turned away, a grin was plastered on East’s face. I’ve got one… I wonder if ‘one’ is enough, though… I guess it’ll have to be, if nobody else shows up.
East wracked his brain for what to say, “I assume you’re from out of town. Did you come here to see the jackalope?”
Keith nodded, “Uh,..yes?” Keith wasn’t quite sure what this had to do with anything.
East continued “It must have been somebody from the college in the parapsychological whatchamacallit that got the information, but I don’t know what they’ve been telling you, so I want to make one thing clear. The jackalope is dangerous.” East pointed to Keith, “And it’s a stand user to boot.”
Exactly how surprising Keith Moon found this read clearly in his entirely unchanging facial features, beyond briefly resting his eyes as if to mentally prepare himself for what he’d sought out, and how much danger it might cause if left unattended.
“So we have to capture it before it starts ruining entire farms or injuring somebody here.” East said as though it were a totally clear matter of fact… Not that Keith or any other reasonable person would disagree.
Keith interjected, “Wait, you aren’t going to kill it, right?” Even if the jackalope was dangerous, Keith thought that pulling something like that would be a shame and a waste of life, if it could be avoided.
Jade chimed in, “Catch… And… Relocate… If we can.”
East nodded, “While I would prefer to bring them to a safe enclosure…”
Jade interrupted with a cross between a snort and a growl.
East continued a little defeated, “We reached a compromise on what to do with it. Although, admittedly, in the worst case we might have to put them down. I never like havin’ to pull the plug on anything either, but it’s like with all that stuff you hear about going down way down South… Sometimes, it’s just the nicest thing you can do for an animal outta place.”
Keith just took in all this information; frankly, none of it sounded good. This might’ve been his only chance to even see the jackalope in person, and he couldn’t stand the thought of it possibly being killed. “I can’t walk away here and I can’t let you kill it. I need to see the jackalope for myself first.” Keith talked with a quiet conviction.
East mused, “You know what, I’ll make you the same offer I made them,” East gestures over to Jade. “You help capture it and see for yourself what kind of damage that jackalope can do. If you do a better job than Jade over here, then you can decide what gets to happen to the jackalope, as long as you don’t let it loose near any hiking trails or settlements. Though, I, uh… Like I said, you smell like the Industrial District, so I’d at least like to hear what you mean to do with it if you mean to keep it after.” East turned over to Jade, “Does that sound fine to you?”
Jade gave another snort and rumbling noise, “Fine… I’ll still… Catch anyway. Makes no difference.” It would be troublesome having to share the space for trap setting, but if Keith got hurt that would be on him.
Now determined, Keith looked over to the mountain trail in front of them, “Deal.” There was no chance he was going to idly sit by and watch this happen.
“Alright now that that’s settled, let’s get ready to do this.” East said, reaching for some equipment from the truck. “Feel free to use anything you need, and don’t underestimate the jackalope. Run away if you have to and, I emphasize and emphasize again, absolutely do not try to confront it unprepared.”
As East rode his little posse the rest of the way he was comfortable driving without risking scaring the thing off, he explained some of its abilities to them, and as they drew to a halt…
“Everybody ready now?” East stood back, “Now I don’t want to make this seem like a trivial sport, but there is something on the line for both of you here so here I go.” East took a deep breath in.
Jade didn’t care much for the competition, but as long as the jackalope was a potential threat to the forest they had to deal with it where they could.
Keith had to compete in order to make sure the jackalope had a better possibility of surviving. Yes they were dangerous, but that didn’t mean they didn’t deserve the best possible outcome here.
“Open The Game!”
Location: A Hillside forest in Los Fortuna’s aptly named ‘Bounty Woods’ region. The area here The area is 60 by 96 meters with each tile being 6 by 6 meters.
There are 5 elevation levels here denoted by the 5 tile colors, brown and four increasingly darker shades of green. The brown is flat ground, then the green tiles slope up to 4 meters the darker the color gets. So the lightest green goes up from 0 to 4 meters elevation as you make your way up the map, next is 4 to 8 meters, and so on.
The players are in the bottom left area of the map as represented by their character tokens. Sheriff East is represented by the nearby black circle with the rectangle between them being his pick-up truck. Inside the pick-up truck are various tools for catching the jackalope such as binoculars, nets, flashlights, carrots, fishing poles, dog catcher poles, and other potentially useful things for tracking/capturing the jackalope that wouldn’t directly harm it. There are even muzzles, hard plastic cages, and restraints custom made for its size. The players may feel free to take whatever they like from here.
The green circles are trees and the yellow star near the top center is the jackalope. The dotted orange rectangles are the rough direction of the dirt hiking path along the forest and the blue line going across the map is a river with wooden bridges denoted by brown arches. The river is about one meter deep towards the middle
Not visualized on the map are the rocks along the riverbed as well as the other vegetation in the forest. Basically everywhere on the map that is not directly along the dotted path has vegetation such as bushes and flowers growing on/around it as well as fallen logs, tree stumps and anything else you might find in a forest.
Goal: Catch the jackalope! Contributions such as traps, wrangling, and roadblocks and other effective contributions to catching the jackalope may also count to this score. Or in other words if you do more of the heavy lifting in catching the jackalope, you will be the victor!
Additional Information:
Warning: This jackalope is highly dangerous, it boasts a 345 stat line as well as the skills Jackalope 5 (more details later, just know that this is the base level of this animal stat usually) and a Berserk 3 skill(its bloodlust is effectively increased when you attack it allowing it to better work through pain and increase its strength under high stress)
Jackalopes are not to be messed around with, they boast near 360 degree field of vision, excellent hearing, great agility, sharp deer antlers, and burrowing capabilities as well as the combined strengths and traits of all other antlered animals on the body of a rabbit. Namely they have back leg kicking strength on par with a giraffe (meaning they are strong enough to kick the head off a lion), the speed of a gazelle (it can reach up to 60 mph), the ability to eat through things like a goat and the neck strength of a moose. Their most noticeable trait however is their ability to shed and regrow their horns at a moment’s notice.
This Jackalope in particular also seems to possess a stand ability, its stand ability allows its body or parts of its body to turn into metal, dirt, wood (or other plant material), or rock. It also lets it quickly regenerate by consuming any of those four things which it can do with relative ease at a one to one ratio of mass healing.
Onto the Jackalope’s general behaviors and other information:
  • Despite its powerhouse nature, the jackalope tends not to exert that power unless provoked.
  • It will usually turn parts of its fur and antlers into plants, leaves, and dirt to camouflage.
  • While the jackalope can eat just about anything, it can’t easily gnaw through rubber or hard plastic.
  • It will casually travel around at more usual rabbit speed looking for food and occasionally water throughout the match. But if necessary it will eat anything it can if it needs to regenerate.
  • It has a seemingly bottomless appetite and can eat through a whole carrot in less than half a second. Its stand ability also makes metals, dirt, wood, plants in general, and rocks just as easy to eat through. It will generally also eat its way through obstacles if needed.
  • It prefers vegetables, then berries and nuts, then grass = leaves = flowers, with everything else being beneath that for food preferences
  • If it ever needs to cross the river, the jackalope will turn its parts of its body into wood to better swim across or float downstream.
  • If attacked it will turn parts of its body into metal for defense and retaliate if you are in easy striking distance (around 6 meters in general, but can be shortened by other factors such as coverage, potential debuffs, injury severity, etc), otherwise it will hide or run.
  • They are rather territorial and will try to attack you if you get too close, but will not give chase if you run away.
  • Their attacks are generally limited to goring with their antlers, turn-around back leg kicks, and biting. If they are caught, they can flail with a flurry of strong kicks.
  • They can shed their horns if you try to grab/capture it by the horns, if they get stuck, or if it ever needs to go through denser foliage
  • The jackalope will make no active efforts to avoid or look for traps that are in its path.
  • Don’t expect this to be a quick match, with the jackalope’s strength, speed, and regeneration a direct conflict is ill advised.
  • The jackalope doesn’t have a known or proper name, but if you want you can call it ‘Jackie’ if you want to not have to type jackalope all the time
Team Combatant JoJolity
Black Hill Estate Jade (Antlerhead) “Wh… What’s this freak doing? Does he think he’s Bruce Lee or something?” This jackalope thinks it owns the forest it seems, maybe you can show it who’s really in charge here. Assert superiority in any forms you can by absolutely styling to the best of your abilities on this jackalope.
Underground Exodus Keith Moon “He may love coffee-flavored chewing gum, but he still won’t let his guard down for anyone.” This jackalope is a virtually extinct or critically endangered species for all you know; do whatever you can to keep close to it so you can study its behavior as you work to capture it.
Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to R1 Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!
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