Continuing… submitted by
“Well, if that doesn’t throw the damper on things.” Dax remarks on our trip back down to the ground floor.
“Yeah. How rude. Up and deceasing your own self without bothering to tell anyone beforehand.” I noted.
“This is going to be a bloody balls-up. Trust me. This is going to be inordinately messy. A bog-standard botch job. A total dog’s dinner, just wait and see.” Cliffs adds.
“First, we have to contact IUPGS. Then what? Does Bulgaria have a consulate or embassy here? I wouldn’t think so…Then what?” I grieved. For once, I was rather low; both emotionally and on ideas.
“Let’s go back to the conference room and let everyone know. We’ll pull a brain session together. We should be able to sort out what needs to be done. The hotel already knows, so the state security forces also do as well. Be prepared for lengthy interrogation sessions, Gentlemen”, Cliff advised.
Back in the conference room, we relayed the sad information. All were taken aback and there were general notes of commiseration. However, since no one knew Iskren too well personally, it was more detached professionalism rather than overt weeping and wailing.
“Let us toast to our fallen comrade!” was accepted as both entirely appropriate and a damn good idea.
I got on the conference room phone and ordered up some more sandwiches, mixers, and bottles of booze. The moment was obviously structured that way, I reasoned.
We made our toasts to our fallen comrade and we had half a chalkboard filled with suggestions of what to do next.
The main consensus was: “Nothing.”
As in there was not much we could do. We were foreign nationals in a strangely foreign land. Our comrade was the sole member of his country, that is, Bulgaria, and the closest geographically we had aboard was Dr. Academician Ivan. No one wanted to loose Ivan on the DPRK security forces and have to deal with all that international fallout.
After some number of hours, after I suggested we all remain in the conference room as we’d (A.) be together, as in unity there is strength, (2.) we’d have each other’s backs when and if it came to interrogations, and, (iii.) this is where the free booze was.
Then there was a polite knock on the door.
I, as the den mother of this special education class, slowly got up and answered the knock.
It was a cadre of DPRK internal security forces, kitted out in their spiffy, tailor-made, and actually, quite smart-looking uniforms. Shoes and buttons polished to mirror-finishes, pants creases that could cut flesh, and enough polished brass to construct a spittoon.
“Hello? Yes?” I said through the semi-opened door.
“May we please come in? If the time is convenient.”, the head military type, very treacly asked.
“Of course”, I replied, “Please, do come in.”
Four of them entered as one. They did a quick-step, tight-march formation together and went to the head of the conference table.
“Good day, gentlemen. I am Colonel Hwangbo Dong-Hyeon of Internal State Security. First, we must offer condolences on the loss of your comrade. It must have come as a shock.” He intones.
There are mutters of “Thanks.” and “Damn right it was.”
“I have been entrusted to update you on the, ah, ‘situation’. First, Dr. Iskren Dragomirov Dinev, recently deceased, has been examined by the best medical practitioners in the country. He was obviously a foreign national and state guest, and we do not wish this to be a cause of suspicion or mistrust, especially during this auspicious Festival season.” He asserted.
We listened with rapt attention.
“I am authorized to tell you that it does not appear that the late Dr. Dinev expired of any untoward circumstances; or ‘foul play’, I believe is the western term. It has been ascertained that he expired due to wholly natural causes; namely massive myocardial infarction. Given his age, apparent health, and, ah, mass, this does seem a most reasonable explanation. This has been verified by no less than three DPRK medical professionals; one of which is the Emeritus teaching professor of Cardiology at Pyongyang Medical University. Again, you have our deepest condolences on the loss of your comrade.” He continued.
“I do remember Iskren complaining of gas pains the other night at the bar,” Joon agreed. “Thought nothing of it, given the change in all our diets.”
Colonel Hwangbo studied Joon like an entomologist examining a particularly fascinating new species of beetle.
“Which has been fine! Just rather rich compared to our usual food!” Joon hastily added.
Satisfied that Joon wasn’t making light of the ‘fine’ North Korean cuisine, Colonel Hwangbo continued, “As such, the Bulgarian Embassy here in Pyongyang has been contacted and apprised of the situation. They have taken over the case, as well as recovered the mortal remains and possessions of Dr. Dinev; all of which were conserved and authenticated by his Bulgarian national counterparts.”
“Ah, that’s good”, I said, “I’m pleased that there actually is a Bulgarian embassy here.”
“Ah. So.”, Col. Hwangbo continued, “Yes. They have already taken possession of Dr. Dinev’s mortal remains and possessions as I had noted, and will handle their repatriation to his country and family. As you can see, we have acted in the best of faith and with the utmost respect for your lately departed. Again, our condolences.”
There were some “Harrumphs”, and “Yeah, rights”, from the crowd, but since I was the team leader, it fell to me to handle this situation from here on out.
“Yes, indeed”, I replied, “We see that and do so deeply appreciate your efficiency and your keeping open the lines of communication. We have absolutely no room to complain. You, your team, your country, and your services have acted to the highest degree of professionalism and decorum. Let me extend, for the team, our heartiest appreciations in this most unfortunate matter.”
That seemed to please the Korean security forces. So much so they didn’t see the rolling eyes and smirks of grudging compliance from the crowd. I gave the evil-eye to several who were twittering quietly at my delivery of a load of over-the-top twaddle in the name of international goodwill.
“Thank you, Doctor…? Doctor…?”, he asked.
“Doctor Rocknocker.” I replied, “It’s spelled just as it sounds,”, I chuckled a knowing chuckle.
Colonel Hwangbo cracked a small smile for the first time since we met.
“As long as our orders of business are concluded, “ I inquired, “Might we offer you and your men a drink or sandwich or…”
“Cigar?” he suddenly brightened.
I smiled the sly, smirking smile of one of those used to the old duplicitous game of international diplomacy.
“Why”, I replied smilingly, “Of course.”
Col Hwangbo gratefully accepted a brace of fine Oscuro cigars. Probably more tobacco he’s seen in one place at one time since the last he rousted a snozzeled Western journalist or hammered European tourist with an overage of custom’s tobacco allowances.
His team eschewed cigars, but gladly accepted a pack each of pastel-colored Sobranie cocktail cigarettes.
It still slays me to see these battle-hardened, armed-to-the-teeth, unsmiling servants of the great state of Best Korea mincing about the courtyard smoking avocado, baby-blue, and peach-colored pastel cigarettes.
The Colonel and his team left after a couple of quick smokes, sandwiches, and surreptitious beers. I even enticed the Colonel into a couple of convivial vodka toasts when his team was otherwise occupied.
“Well, gang”, I said, closing the door, “Looks like that situation has been handled, most appropriately at that. We’ll miss ol’ Iskren, but at least he went fast and hopefully painlessly.”
I knew that last one was but a load of old dingo’s kidneys as I’ve had run-ins with cardiac disorders in the past and they are anything but
painless. In any case, that was, as I noted, in the past. What was done is done. It was as it was. It is as it is.
“So, gentlemen”, I say, “Let us get back to work. Reality calls. Now, we’ve given you landlubbers the lowdown on our seismic pleasure cruise. Now we’d like to hear what you who had stayed onshore have come up with.”
Erlan, Graco, and Viv fill us in on the regional geology of Best Korea and lay out a plan to examine the sedimentary piles closest to the few paved roads in the north and east of the country.
We’ll be traveling by bus, as my request for four or five off-road vehicles was denied due to timing and lack of availability.
Yeah. Right. What a massive pile of bovine biogenic colluvium. A country with a military as huge as Best Korea’s and they can’t spare a few jeeps or Hummer reproductions?
Truth be told, they still don’t trust us and don’t want to let us out of their sight.
However, we did manage to snag some internal publications from the Central Geological Survey of Mineral Resources, which we figured as a major coup. Never before were Westerners allowed to even know of the existence of these materials, much less be able to research (read: slyly copy) them.
That ‘personal shaver’ I carried was actually a sneaky personal copier, a Vupoint ST470 Magic Wand Portable Scanner with all the external stickers peeled off, and any serial numbers abraded away.
Hey, they photograph us from every angle on the sly, listen in on our conversations, record our phone calls…hell, turnabout isn’t just fair play, it’s almost expected.
It’d be rude to refuse to play along.
Anyways, we learned that The Korean Peninsula (KP) occupies a junction area of three large tectonic domains that are the Paleo-Central Asian Orogenic Belt, Paleo-Tethyan Orogenic Belt, and the Western Pacific Orogenic Belt.
- The Archean Rangrim massif is divided into the Rangrim and Kwanmo submassifs, high-grade region and greenstone belt, respectively.
- Early Paleoproterozoic rocks underwent metamorphism up to granulite facies, which may be correlated to the Jiao-Liao-Ji mobile belt in the North China Craton (NCC).
- Proterozoic rift sequences in North Korea are similar to those in the NCC with rare late Paleoproterozoic strata and more Neoproterozoic strata.
- Mesozoic igneous rocks are extensively distributed in the KP.
- The main Paleozoic basin, the Phyongnam basin in NK, have a similar Paleozoic tectono-stratigraphy to the NCC.
Of most interest is item #5. The Phyongnam basin is the only sedimentary and depositional basin of mention in the north of the Korean peninsula; and therefore the center of our attention as it pertains to oil and gas.
The potential source rocks, and possible reservoirs, include the Paleozoic Late Ordovician Miru Series was identified as the Koksan Series and subsequently renamed. The 170-meter thick limestone and siltstone centered around the P'yongnam Basin have extensive crinoid, coral, and gastropod fossils. Paleogeography researchers have suggested that corals formed in the Miru Sea-a branch of the South Yangtze Sea. At the base of the Taedong Synthem is the P'yong'an Supergroup, which lies disconformably atop older Paleozoic rocks.
In the Pyongyang Coalfield it is divided into the 650-meter sandstone, shale, and conglomerate of the Nogam Formation, the 500-meter Kobangsan Formation, 350-meter coal-bearing Sadong Formation and 250-meter chert-bearing Hongjom Formation, all typically assigned to an Upper Permian shallow marine environment.
In the Mesozoic, north of Pyongyang, Precambrian basement rocks are unconformably overlain by a Jurassic limestone conglomerate ascending to layers of siltstone and mudstone. The Upper Jurassic Shinuiju Formation northwest of Shinuiju has sandstone, conglomerate, and mudstone up to two kilometers thick.
Offshore drilling in the West Korea Bay Basin indicates these rocks are the onshore extension of offshore units. It is subdivided into fluvial rocks and Upper Jurassic black shale, limestone, conglomerate and sandstone formed in a lake environment.
There are very few Cenozoic sediments are known in North Korea, likely as a result of erosion due to uplift of the peninsula. Submarine normal faults along the eastern coastline may have driven crustal tilting. The 350-meter thick Bongsan Coalfield in Hwanghae Province on the west coast preserves and coal-bearing layers dating to the Eocene.
Further to the north, in the West Korea Bay Basin Eocene and Oligocene sedimentary rocks up to three kilometers thick unconformably overlie Mesozoic rocks, formed in lakes and coal swamps during the Paleogene.
What this meant is that we’d need to travel mostly northeast and/or southwest. This was fortuitous as the paved roads in the country were created in structural valleys formed by the primary fault trends in the country. The main trans-tensional set trended NE:SW and the conjugate set trends approximately 900
to the main set at NW:SE.
The topography was heavily dissected by drainages and the terrain consists mostly of hills and mountains separated by deep, narrow valleys. The coastal plains are wide in the west and discontinuous in the east.
The plan was to take the bus north to Sunchon, then hang a right off towards Unsan and Yongha. There were outcrops between the last two towns and they appear to be upper Paleozoic to Lower Mesozoic clastics. Ideal oil and gas hunting grounds.
From there, we’d head north-northeast towards Yangwon. There appeared to be some fair to excellent outcrops of rocks that are as of yet, unidentified as to age. From there, we’d continue to follow the outcrop belts either to their termination at the basin’s edges or at international borders with China or Russia.
But, once we hit the field, time goes into relative warp. Put a bunch of geologists out on some relatively virgin outcrops and just stand back as they spend hour after hour after hour first looking for evidence of the formation’s provenance, it’s age and field relations. Then begin the heartfelt, stalwart, and sometimes vicious, arguments between all concerned about each and every one of those salient points.
We were all looking forward to it and wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s our intellectual and scientific equivalent of meat and potatoes.
We all agreed on a way forward and generated a document to deliver to those in charge of our logistics on this trip. There would be a total of 11 Western geoscientists, four guides, perhaps a couple of national geologists or geophysicists, and whatever cadre the shiny suit squad wanted to include.
There would also be a driver, his relief, and a couple of extra translators. Good thing it was a large bus, as it’s going to be a huge crew.
We needed to allow our handlers a full day to arrange room and board for us while in the field, as we had to be bivouacked somewhere outside our fine hotel. It needed to be secure, pass sanctuary muster, and be ‘controllable’, referring to both Western scientists and nosy locals.
One thing we found odd was the lack of concern for long-term logistics, not to mention the end of our self-ordained indentured servitude. When this trip and all the Western geoscientists were contacted, we were all assured of an opportunity to meet with the Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-Un once our trip was completed.
We were to personally deliver one hell of an international photo-op. A ‘hey look how progressive we are’ meeting and our findings in this wonderful and progressive country.
But lately, with what we thought was the fallout of the Festival washing out all the usual propaganda, we’ve heard nothing about Herr Comrade Leader Supremo, K1J1-Un. Nor had we heard one iota about our intended final meeting with him before we left for China.
Since there are “absolutely no” COVID-19 cases in Best Korea, it seemed, well, odd that Beijing was our only possible current exit port of call, and onward to our individual homes.
There were all flavors of rumors flying all throughout the basement bars and casinos of the hotel. One claimed that Kim was now receiving treatment at a villa in the Mount Myohyang resort north of the capital Pyongyang after cardiovascular surgery. That he was near death and that his sister, Kim Yo Jong, is already warming up in the North Korean political bullpen if her brother kacks it.
Others said Kim is believed to be staying at an unspecified location outside of Pyongyang, with some close confidants. It was said that Kim appeared to be normally engaged with state affairs and there has not been any unusual movement or emergency reaction from North Korea's governing party, military, or cabinet.
There was also one other that tries to cover up any conspiracy rumors by shouting over a raspy bullhorn: "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"; but most ignored that little crank.
We all thought that rather odd, but of fairly low concern. In the final analysis, it would have little impact on our studies and their outcome. In other words, it wouldn’t affect our pay one way or the other. We all felt like we’ve given more than what was called for on missions such as this.
And we still haven’t a clue as to when this will all come to an end.
However, we all agreed to the consultation, it would have been fun to meet with him and have our pictures taken with the Supreme Leader. Dr. Academician Ivan Ivanovich Khimik. was especially cheesed that he might miss the opportunity to make finger-vee bunny ears behind the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of the DPRK during one of our photo sessions.
We all agree if we do somehow find ourselves in the same room with Ivan and Kim Jong-Un, we’ll form a human shield around the latter. We want to get back home; as we’ve all heard the rumors of the horrors of ‘political realignment’ camps here in Best Korea.
So the meeting breaks up and I’m left with Dax to take the final inventory. Two loads of sandwiches gone, piles of used napkins, ketchup-y table linens, bacon rinds and chicken bones, drippy ends of ice cream cones, prune pits, peach pits, orange peel, gloppy glumps of cold oatmeal, pizza crusts, and withered greens, soggy beans and tangerines, crusts of black burned buttered toast, gristly bits of beefy roasts…
“The hell with this”, I say, I grab the last nearly full bottle of vodka and hand Dax a bottle of Royal Navy dark Rum.
“Tally’s good”, I say, not really giving two tiny shits at this point. “At least, I think it is. Let’s make like horseshit and hit the trail.”
“I’m headed back to our floor and going to zone out in front of some old, looped BBC for the next few hours with a cold drink and hot cigar.” I proclaim.
“Oh, hell”, Dax says, “I agree. It’s been a weird couple of days. Let’s go.”
And so we do.
On the way, I leave the logistics concerns and itinerary for the upcoming field trips with the front desk clerk. I slip her 1000 won as its Festival! and I had a bulgy pocketful of same. She smiled and quietly said there’s be a surprise waiting for me in my room when I got there.
“Rock, you fucking old hound!”, Dax exclaimed as he punched me lightly on the shoulder. “Taking a dip in the hotel secretarial pool?”
“Dax, you surprise me”, I said in my defense, “I have been, and continue to be, happily married for the last 38 years to the most loving, most intelligent, most well-connected, and most accurate snap-shot with a Glock .380 Automatic I know of.”
“Well, me ol’ mucker”, Dax smiles slyly, “If one has been happily married for 38 years, one must have a little something on the side. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge, ‘eh, Squire?”
“Oh, nothing like that”, I replied, while waiting the obligatory 30 minutes for the fucking elevator to arrive. “I couldn't break my word to Esme, and not because I don’t believe in a God that will send me to Hell without an electric fan or because it's not the right thing to do. I simply don't want to. A man is only as good as his word; and if he loses that, he loses too much. I couldn’t function without people thinking that I’m square and on the level. My business would crumble to dust. As would my marriage.”
“Yeah, there is that”, Dax agrees, “You say something is going to happen and God damn, it fucking happens. That’s what makes you honest and honestly scary.”
I stare intently at the annunciator that tells me the fucking elevator is stuck on 4 again.
“You’re not mob, are you?” Dax harshly whispers, snickeringly.
I turn to face Dax and smile wistfully.
“Я с уважением отказываюсь отвечать, потому что я искренне верю, что мой ответ может обвинить меня
”, I reply quietly.
“What the hell does that mean?” Dax demands.
“I respectfully decline to answer because I honestly believe my answer might tend to incriminate me”, I calmly reply.
“Oh, look. Bloody elevator’s finally here.” I note and stride aboard.
Dax gets caught up in the tsunami of the crowd and is carried bodily inside. It was so remorseless, he almost lost his grip on his bottle of Dark Rum.
Up on ‘our’ floor, I go to key open my room. Dax is just down the hall and looking around to see what special surprise might show up. I was too tired to wait so I just push in, and see all my field clothes fully laundered, pressed, and either folded or hanging.
Someone broke into my room during the day and committed a compound neatness.
“POUND! Pound! POUND!” Hmm, appears to be someone at my door.
“Yes, Dax?” I said.
“You too?” he fumed, “Everything, cleaned to within an inch if its life. They even polished my bloody field boots.”
“Oh, fuck”, I said and ran to find mine re-pristinized.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCKITYFUCKFUCK!” I swore. They had polished my field boots and removed the fine years-of-work-to-acquire near-subsurface of the leather’s oil layer. They polished the water-proofing and conditioning out of the leather of our boots.
“OK. OK.”, I said, “Minor emergency. Cool out. I have the solution.”
I toss Dax a small can. It was brown, oily, and claimed to be “Neatsfoot oil”. It was the SPF- 500 of field leathers.
“Go ahead and oil them up with that”, I told Dax, “I’ve got another can, so don’t worry. Use what you need, don’t be shy, but if there’s any left, let me know. I’ll combine ours and offer it to anyone else in the team who had their boots steam-cleaned.”
So, a bit later, I’m sitting on my hotel room’s floor, on several sheets of newspaper, rubbing Neatsfoot Oil into my ancient, multinational size 16 EEE Vasque™ Tracker field boots.
Then there’s a knock at the door.
“It’s open. Enter carefully”, I say aloud.
It’s a bell clerk with a room service cart. On the cart are a bucket of ice, a bowl of sliced limes, I think, several gimlet glasses, some Best Korean ‘Air Koryo’ carbonated citrus drink, and a fresh bottle of “Kaesong” vodka.
“Compliments of the front desk”, the bellman says.
I stand up, tip him a few thousand won, and set a new record in mixology; a fresh brace of drinks in less than 7.3 seconds.
I offer the bellman the lighter one and he accepts with a wide smile.
I say “건배” (geonbae) literally means 'empty glass', which is similar to the expression 'bottom's up'. For you see, my Korean’s coming along a treat.
We clink glasses and send those drinks to the places that they’ll do the best.
The bellman smiles offloads the cart onto the table in my room, shakes my hand, and departs.
I finish my boots, my drink, and my cigar. After another drink or seven, I crater early. Dax was right; it had been a long, weird day.
The next day, Festival! is still going strong, but still no word on the whereabouts of El Líder Supremo
. I find that odd, only slightly interesting, and since it will impact the day’s events zero, I file it away for maybe later use.
I go to the hotel pool around 0530 and there’s no one there. I’m able to get in a good 100 laps, unburdened with either small talk or by yammering kids blocking my lanes. I go early as I don’t wear gloves in the water, obviously. Statistically, there is less chance there will be others, adults and kids included, that would get freaked out by my gnarly left hand. I really don’t feel like recounting the old Russian Rig Accident story again.
After a brisk shower and double shower-scotch back in my room, I dress casually and wander down to the casino and bar level. It’s essentially breakfast time, but with the revelers not giving two hoots to AM vs. PM, it’s surprisingly busy. I find a perch up on Mahogany Ridge and order a classical breakfast cocktail of one liter of beer and 100 milliliters of chilled vodka.
I see Mr. Ho is manning the bar. I ask him to ring the massage parlor down the hall and see if Ms. Nang Bo-Hee is free sometime this morning.
He does and reports that she has an open hour and a half at 0900. Would I like it or any portion of that time?
“I’ll take the lot”, I said. “Tell them I’ll be there spot on 0900.”
“That’s great.”, Mr. Ho says, hanging up the phone, “Doctor Rock, they tell me that with the Festival discount and you taking the full 90 minutes, they can cut you a very special deal.”
“I’ll bet”, I replied, “Like what?”
“Oh, I cannot say for they did not tell me”, he smiled, “They will tell you when you arrive.”
“Marvelous”, I exhaled tiredly. “Another, Mr. Ho; make it a double, if you would please.”
The massage center here is run by a group not employed directly by the hotel. It’s a separate entity altogether. They run specials and have different discount programs that are not only not controlled nor advertised by the hotel, but they’re also not in any way beholden to the hotel, except for rent, I suppose and run it like their own little fiefdom.
Ms. Nang, my preferred masseuse, is a little, tiny Korean lassie about 5 feet tall and probably all of 90 pounds soaking wet. However, she is amazingly well trained and could probably put me in the hospital for a lengthy visit with her wiles and methods of flesh, bone, and muscle manipulation.
She offers a whole suite of different massage genres: Swedish, hot stone, aromatherapy, deep tissue, sport, trigger point, reflexology, shiatsu, Thai, and Rolfing.
Oh, fuck. I know Rolfing. I tried that nonsense back in grad school with an old east Indian lady that could have linebackered for the Minnesota Vikings. That shit fucking hurt
. Today, it’d incapacitate me permanently. That’s a definite no-go.
I decide that it’s going to be the Hot Stone-treatment today. A geological-manipulation inquiry.
At 0900 I’m the only client at the massage ‘store’. It’s early, day two of the festival, and people are either sleeping off the previous night’s festivities or too wobbly to even think of partaking in a massage.
I’ve had several major back surgeries over the years, including one bilateral laminectomy about seven years ago that removed 7.5 kilos
of overgrown bone and muscle from my lumbar region, so I’ve been very cautious about soliciting a massage. The masseuse has to know that area is strictly verboten
and will do everything to avoid annoying that particular piece of bodily real-estate.
I’ve walked or limped out of massages before where the practitioner said they understood my reticence, but went ahead and kneaded and provoked that land of keloids and deep-body scar tissue.
However, based on past experience, Ms. Nang knows full well my reluctance as well as my desires. That’s the reason I’m returning. She’s very, very good; a consummate professional and has a never-ending series of jokes and observations while she’s pummeling you into submission.
Today, we retire to a private cubicle and she hands me a small robe or napkin, not sure which, of Korean manufacture.
She tells me to get au natural
and to wear the robe while she prepares the tools of her trade.
OK, I’m not a small person; not by a long shot. This robe, however, is made for a sprite, not even for a small person.
She returns to our massage cubicle as I’m sitting there, at the end of the massage table, sipping my drink clad only in my dapper red-and-white checkered boxers.
“You need to be unclothed, Doctor. Use the robe. OK, sir Rock?” she says.
“Ms. Nang,”, I said, shaking my head, “It’s one or the other.” I show her how laughable the robe is as I can’t even get it over my upper arm. It’s not even as a tea towel when it comes to covering my expansive acres of exposed epidermis.
“I can close door.”, she says, “I’m used to it. I am professional. Does not bother me if it does not bother you.”
I lost all forms of bashfulness, timidity, or prudery long, long ago. After years and years of Russian banya
, Swedish massage, Turkish baths, and surgery; well, if it don’t bother you, it don’t bother me.
“OK”, I say, using the robe as a small two-dimensional breechcloth. She tells me to ‘hop’ up on the massage table and lie down, facing the floor.
After chuckling about the fact that I haven’t hopped for decades, I wander over to the nicely padded and extremely clean massage table and lie down. She rearranges the ‘robe’ to cover my backside and tells me to relax. She’ll be right back with the stones.
I’ve never tried this type of massage before, but as a geologist, I must; if for nothing else, progress in the name of science.
Ms. Nang returns with a large parcel consisting of many sizes of steamed stones. They were river-washed and tumbled basalt from the looks of them, all wrapped in a large fuzzy towel.
Now she finds the large towels…
She selects them one by one and places them in ‘special, strategic’ spots on my exposed back. From the lower 2/3rds of the nape of the neck, down the spine, over the fundus mountains, and down the back of each leg.
It’s a warm, almost hot in some places, but not an uncomfortable feeling. She returns to adjust them, grind them in a bit in places, and flip them to extract all that igneous lithological thermal goodness.
I have to admit, at that point, it was feeling quite delightful. Relaxed; I had my drink and was being kneaded My dorsal musculature was being de-lithified by the application of hot rocks and expert point massage.
All was going quite well as Ms. Nang was building a huge tip in her ‘job well done’ bank.
Then the rocks had all attained room temperature. She excused herself to reload with another minor outcrop’s-worth and told me to flip over for round two of the process.
“In for a dime, in for a dollar”, I said, as I flipped over and use the robe as a laughable forward-facing breechcloth.
Ms. Nang mentioned that she was always fascinated by Westerners and their surplus of bodily fuzz. With my long, shoulder-length silver hair, full Grizzly Adams beard that drooped down to my sternum, and torso that picked up where my beard left off; she was quite unprepared to see the beached silver-gray panda that awaited upon her return.
“Dr. Rock!’, she exclaimed, “You are as a bear! So much hair. And silver color!”
“Yeah, sorry”, I replied, “Just the hand genetics dealt me. I guess it’s an adaptation for ethanol-fueled organisms that never feel cold.”
“I will soon return.” She titters excitedly and almost runs out of the room.
“Hmmm. I wonder what that’s all about?” I muse as I lie largely undraped in the massage cubicle.
Suddenly, the door bursts open and every female massage practitioner there herded into the room. They simply had to see the specimen upon which the delightful Ms. Nang was working.
OK, truth be told, I was a bit taken aback. Here I am lying on an elevated, and heavily padded, massage table. I’m ‘wearing’ only a crooked, worried grin and a sheet of a cotton washcloth that measures about 12x12 inches.
They Oohed! and Ahhhed!
I did feel like some form of an alien animal suddenly thrust out into public view. It was a bit disconcerting, but as usual, I just tried to deflect any unease with jokes and idiot remarks. At my age, not much is going to bother me, and this I found all the more laughable than troubling.
Suddenly, I was fielding their barrage of questions:
“You are American? All American men so…hairy?”
“Yes and no”, I replied. I also mentioned I hadn’t undertaken a study in that particular subject.
“Why you so big?” one tiny lass asked, eyes as big as dinner plates.
“Genetics”. I replied. “Just a corn-fed Baja Canadian doofus. We grow ‘em big back home.”
“Can we touch?” one particularly brave little lass asks.
“Touch what?” I asked. Look, I might be over 6 decades old, but there are still some areas reserved for my one and only betrothed.
I did tell Esme of this whole event later that evening during our nightly call. She laughed herself silly.
“Your beard! Oriental men never have such beard. We touch maybe?” she implored.
I was going to say “Go nuts”, but I decided that a simple “Sure” would be more fitting.
So they did. They were enthralled. They had never before, from what I was told, seen such a large silver-gray ZZ Top-style beard, especially here at the hotel. That part was weird enough, but when they started in on working their way south toward the equator, I had to say something to dissuade them.
“Where were you girls 45 years ago?” I laughed.
I don’t think they got the joke. They became somewhat bolder in their austral exploratory activities.
“OK! Time out! Ms. Nang! We have an appointment to keep”, I said as I shooed the rest of the lassies away, “We need to finish what we started.”
By the time that the third syllable of that last sentence came into being, I knew it wasn’t the right thing to say.
They all laughed and tittered as Ms. Nang ushered them out of the room. I could have sworn I heard the door lock behind them.
Ms. Nang reprieved her earlier stone placement therapy, with a couple of strategic detours.
She wasn’t that type of masseuse, and I wasn’t looking for that type of massage. She did, however, knead and pummel me mercilessly.
I’ve been bruised less from barroom brawls.
Finally, she announces that she’s finished. She’ll leave while I shower, as she used essential aromatic oils, and would await me out in the lobby.
After showering, I felt like a large bowl of pummeled Jello. I felt relaxed, and for the first time in weeks, my back was silent. My head was clear as a spring Sunday morn in Reykjavik.
The full 90 minutes, plus sideshow, was 4,500 won.
I paid the owner the required sum and handed Ms. Nang an additional 15,000 for a job well done. And for another anecdote that goes into the hopper.
I left the massage parlor feeling quite fine, thank you. I wandered over to the bar to see if I could augment and prolong this feeling of harmony with the universe. The mental picture even now of all those cooing Korean lassies in the massage room never fails to elicit a laugh and head shake.
A few hours later, I’m back in my room, tidying up my field notes and making certain all my paperwork was heavily encoded and up to date. It was, so I placed a number of expensive overseas calls to catch up with everyone on the outside.
I’m thinking of calling room service to have my mini-bar repaired when my room phone rings.
“Now who would be calling me at this hour?” I wondered.
It was the tour group leader. He informed me that the itinerary had been worked out and we’d be leaving tomorrow for the field at 0600. We were to arrive with all our luggage and be prepared to check out. We would spend at least a week in the field, if not two, depending on our results, and be bivouacking in different places in the interior of the country.
I thanked him for the information and said I’d inform the rest of the team. He told me that wouldn’t be necessary as they would come up to or floor, deliver the notice verbally, or by note if they were out of their rooms. If I wanted to later call each participant and ensure they were apprised of the situation, that would be most appreciated.
I assured him I would do so and that we’d be ready, to a man, at 0600 the next day.
I whip up 10 Post-it™ notes and stick one on each member’s door.
“Leaving for the field. Check out 0530. Wheels up 0600. Bring all luggage. Road trip!” To be continued…
Confirmed COVID-19 Cases Worldwide Double To 2 Million In 2 Weeks. It took four and a half months for the new coronavirus to hit 1 million confirmed cases — and two weeks to double that. -Huffington Post submitted by
French study finds hydroxychloroquine doesn't help patients with coronavirus. -CNN
Imagine my surprise.
Lawsuit accuses Liberty University of 'profiting' from the coronavirus pandemic -CNN
Republicans love money. It’s their drug. It’s their God.
Fox News asks court to toss lawsuit calling network a public health risk -The Hill
Trump and Fox have blood on their hands. Countless Americans are dying because of their lies, disinformation and downplaying the virus for months, to keep the stock market profitable
for billionaires for as long as possible.
COVID-19 outbreaks in upper Midwest show virus is not just a New York problem -MSNBC
I wonder how many of those people got sick because last week Republicans forced the people of Wisconsin to vote in person during a pandemic, or lose their right to vote and let the Republican scumbags win.
Why Dems won in Wisconsin despite GOP attempt to use pandemic to its advantage -MSNBC
What Trump’s bizarre love of Mutiny on the Bounty actually reveals about him -Vox Trump tweeted: “Tell the Democrat Governors that Mutiny On The Bounty was one of my all time favorite movies,” the president wrote. “A good old fashioned mutiny every now and then is an exciting and invigorating thing to watch, especially when the mutineers need so much from the Captain. Too easy!”
'Jarring, unwelcome, and dangerous': Some conservatives are outraged at Trump's claim that his 'authority is total' -Business Insider
US coronavirus toll hits new daily high with over 2,400 deaths -New York Post
Poll: 81 percent say keep social distancing despite damage to economy -The Hill
Trump backs down after Cuomo, other governors unite on coronavirus response: "I'm not going to put pressure on any governor to open," the president said in an about-face from his remarks on Monday. -NBC News
What a dumbass.
I wonder if someone told him that the Mutiny On The Bounty
didn’t end well for the captain.
The captain was the villain. He was the emperor Palpatine of the story. And Trump sees himself as the Palpatine type. The evil emperor type.
I bet when Trump watched Star Wars
, he was rooting for the dark side the whole time.
Trump threatens to adjourn both chambers of Congress -The Hill “President Trump on Wednesday threatened to use his executive power to force both chambers of Congress to adjourn if the Senate did not confirm his nominees for vacancies across the administration.”
It’s interesting to watch Trump unmask himself on live TV and turn into a dictator right before our eyes. Interesting and scary. This is what it must have been like when Hitler became the Führer
in the Weimar republic. Even the global circumstances were very similar.
If this was Star Wars
, this would be the moment when two-faced senator Palpatine reveals his true self
and transforms into the evil emperor Palpatine.
If history is gonna remember just one thing about Trump, let it be his sadistic cruelty. He is the 21st century’s version of Caligula.
Caligula -History Extra “Gaius (‘Caligula, or ‘little bootee’ – a childhood nickname given him by his father’s troops) is best known for a series of eccentric actions, such as declaring war on the sea and proclaiming himself a god. His reign actually began quite promisingly, but after a serious bout of illness he developed paranoia that led him into alarmingly erratic behaviour, possibly including incest with his sister, Julia Drusilla, whom he named as his heir. Gaius took particular delight in humiliating the senate, claiming that he could make anyone consul, even his horse (though, contrary to the popular story, he didn’t actually go through with this). As the son of Germanicus [a prominent general], Gaius was keen to establish his military credentials, though his campaign in Germany achieved little and his abortive invasion of Britain had to be turned into a battle with the sea god Neptune: he is said to have told his troops to attack the waves with their swords and gather seashells as booty. Gaius declared himself a god and used his divine status to establish what was, in effect, an absolutist monarchy in Rome. He followed Tiberius’s example of using treason trials to eliminate enemies, real or imagined.”
How long until Trump starts locking up journalists
and opposition politicians? Think that won’t happen? Remember all those “lock her up!
Of course Putin’s Operation Infektion is going to amplify those calls on right-wing extremist social media, to create more chaos and damage in the US.
And the way things have been going so far, it won’t be long til we’ll have armed MAGA mobs, demanding that Trump lock up every Democrat who dares to oppose the great leader.
Trumpists Urging People to Leave Their Homes to Own the Libs. There is a growing resistance on the right that threatens to add additional stress to a political system already nearing the breaking point. -The Daily Beast “A protest movement is taking hold targeting states that have extended social-distancing rules, closed schools, and restricted access to large religious gatherings. And it’s being fed by loyalists and political allies of President Donald Trump.”
'Lock her up!': Anti-Whitmer coronavirus lockdown protestors swarm Michigan Capitol. Demonstrators were supposed to stay in their cars for social distancing. Not everyone did. -NBC News
I’m sure infecting the whole country with a deadly virus isn’t enough for these brainwashed Trump cult zombies.
I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before these halfwits start destroying American infrastructure, because that’s what right-wing extremist nutjobs are already doing in other western countries.
There’s this idiotic internet rumor that says 5G cell phone towers are causing the pandemic.
How dumb do you have to be to believe that? This kind of ignorant bullshit appeals to the very dumbest among us. The mouthbreathing yokels who don’t understand the first thing about biology.
You know, the MAGA minions who think evolution is a hoax and Obama is a Kenyan muslim.
Anyway, guess who’s behind that idiotic rumor... Russia of course:
5G Virus Conspiracy Theory Fueled by Coordinated Effort -Bloomberg
Putin’s Long War Against American Science: A decade of health disinformation promoted by President Vladimir Putin of Russia has sown wide confusion, hurt major institutions and encouraged the spread of deadly illnesses. -New York Times
Russia trolls 'spreading vaccination misinformation' to create discord -BBC
Russian trolls fueled anti-vaccination debate in U.S. by spreading misinformation on Twitter, study finds -CBS News
This too was a part of Operation Infektion. The goal was and still is to kill as many American children with preventable viral infections as possible, by convincing parents not to protect their kids with life-saving vaccinations.
Maybe it’s working. Maybe Russian disinformation is ultimately responsible for the fact that the child mortality rate is 76% higher
in the US than in other rich countries.
Nah, that’s probably still our own fault for having the most expensive, least efficient healthcare system in the world:
The most expensive health care system in the world -Harvard School of Public Health “The U.S. spends more on health care than all the other wealthy democracies in the world. But in spite of all that spending, life expectancy in the U.S lags behind that of its peer countries. And many Americans struggle to pay for health care.”
And who doesn’t know this? Who thinks universal healthcare is more expensive than the private-for-profit clusterfuck we have?
The MAGA minions!
Examining Quality and Efficiency of the U.S. Healthcare System -PubMed.gov “The U.S. healthcare system is characterized as the world's most expensive yet least effective compared with other nations. Growing healthcare costs have made millions of citizens vulnerable.”
New study finds 45,000 deaths annually linked to lack of health coverage -The Harvard Gazette
And who loves the fact that our private-for-profit healthcare clusterfuck is insanely expensive and inefficient, and Americans are dying from a lack of proper healthcare?
The MAGA minions!
U.S. Healthcare: Most Expensive and Worst Performing -The Atlantic
U.S. health spending twice other countries' with worse results -Fox News
Yeah, even Fox News knows it! And yet they keep telling you that universal healthcare is supposedly evil and terrible. Why? Not because it’s true, but because the healthcare industry and big pharma tells them to lie to you. To maximize their profits.
In the U.S., an Angioplasty Costs $32,000. Elsewhere? Maybe $6,400. A study of international prices finds American patients pay much more across a wide array of common services. -New York Times
US healthcare is literally killing people -Financial Times
And who definitely does not want better, cheaper universal healthcare
, like they have in every civilized country, including Israel
The MAGA minions!
The dumbest fucking people on the planet.
Amazing how well Operation Infektion
has brainwashed right-wing extremists, to demand
corrupt policies that will ultimately kill them.
That’s why they’re chanting in the streets, demanding to reopen the economy in the middle of a deadly pandemic, so that the billionaires can make more profits at our expense again. Instead of giving back to the community in our time of need.
Republican billionaires don’t believe in sharing is caring. That’s why they’re Republican billionaires.
How much has Trump donated to those affected by the coronavirus so far? Nothing? Yeah, that’s what I figured.
Meanwhile, Trump’s brainwashed peasants demand that he lock up the scientists and politicians who tell us not to gather in megachurches during a deadly pandemic because we’re gonna die.
And this is why:
Russia goes after coronavirus in latest health misinformation push -Axios
US conservatives spread tweets by Russian trolls over 30 times more often than liberals -MIT Technology Review
Republicans are far more likely than Democrats to think the coronavirus threat is ‘exaggerated,’ new survey finds -Market Watch
Conservatives’ Coronavirus Denial Is Going to Get People Killed. By dismissing the disease as a Democratic hoax, right-wing pundits are putting their elderly audience in danger. -The New Republic
And why do MAGA minions believe windmills cause cancer
and cell phone towers give you the cooties? Russia!
Your 5G Phone Won’t Hurt You. But Russia Wants You to Think Otherwise. -New York Times
So what does Putin’s army of brainwashed right-wing extremist western morons do? They destroy the cell phone towers in their own countries:
These Videos Show People Burning Down 5G Cell Phone Towers Over Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories -Vice
At least 20 UK phone masts vandalised over false 5G coronavirus claims -The Guardian
You know, the same cell phone towers that first responders rely on, to save your stupid life. During a pandemic for example.
Verizon cellular outage left Burlington first-responders in the dark -WCAX “For first responders, having clear communication can mean the difference between life and death. "If it's a fire, or if it's a medical call, being able to communicate with each other so the best treatment can be given or the most effective means of extinguishing a fire -- everything with it is critical on communication," said Burlington Fire Deputy Chief Peter Brown.”
Putin’s western saboteurs are systematically destroying their own countries from the inside.
You hear that?
If you’re really quiet you can hear Putin laughing.
Operation Infektion is weakening the west, and taking down America.
It’s no coincidence that Trump
and Fox News often parrot Russian disinformation
Donald Trump is the virus: His coronavirus response confirms how toxic he is for the country -New York Daily News
Trump Can Lie About His Coronavirus Record, But People Remember His Early Inaction On The Threat -The Late Show
Debunking Trump's dangerous new attack on W.H.O during pandemic -MSNBC
Fearless Dr. Fauci is more loyal to truth than to Trump -AL.com
That’s why Trump’s death cult hates Fauci
CDC Director Distances From Trump, Says Relationship With WHO Has Been ‘Productive’ -Huffington Post
WHO is a "long-standing partner" to CDC, says Director Robert Redfield -CBS News
Trump's move to strip $400 million from WHO amid coronavirus is just the propaganda windfall Russia, China, and Iran have been hoping for -Business Insider “All three countries have piled on the US in the wake of Trump's announcement, accusing it of undermining the global effort to defeat the virus. Trump has made the US the bad guy at a time when many countries were turning against China. Public-health experts, former US officials, US lawmakers, and even a top conservative think tank have said that cutting WHO's funding could exacerbate the coronavirus pandemic.”
'We Alerted The World' To Coronavirus On Jan. 5, WHO Says In Response To U.S. -NPR
A Timeline Of Coronavirus Comments From President Trump And WHO -NPR
Pelosi says Trump's WHO decision is 'dangerous, illegal and will be swiftly challenged' -The Guardian “The President’s halting of funding to the WHO as it leads the global fight against the coronavirus pandemic is senseless,” the Democratic speaker said in a new statement.”
Elizabeth Warren Endorses Joe Biden For President -Huffington Post
AOC: 'It’s really important that we rally behind our Democratic nominee' -The Guardian
Sanders warns his loyalists it would be ‘irresponsible’ not to support Biden. Sanders criticizes his supporters who have so far resisted his vow to do whatever it takes to help Biden win the presidency -The Guardian
And who’s telling Bernie supporters not to vote for Biden and let Trump win? Russia!
Inside the Russian effort to target Sanders supporters — and help elect Trump -Washington Post
Russia Doesn't Want Bernie Sanders. It Wants Chaos. The point of Kremlin interference has always been to find democracy’s loose seams, and pull. -Wired
Bernie Sanders blames vicious Bernie Bros on Russian trolls -Washington Examiner
July 19, 2018: Sanders Introduces Resolution to Protect American Democracy from Russian Meddling -Senate.gov
Not voting for Biden means Trump will win.
If you’re a Bernie fan, Trump is the exact opposite of everything you believe in. Trump is
the ruthless predatory capitalism we all hate so much.
Biden may not be everything you want, but Trump is nothing you want.
By not voting and letting Trump win, you’re only hurting yourself. And isn’t that what we always ridicule clueless Trump voters for? Voting against their own best interest?
Alright, that’s my little rant for today. Let’s get back to today’s headlines:
Japan urges citizens to isolate as reports warn of 400,000 deaths -Reuters
The Dow Is Falling as Economic Data Show the Damage From Pandemic -Barron’s
Trump is predicting a rapid economic recovery. Experts say it's not likely. The impact of the pandemic on business and employment will probably be felt for years, according to multiple economists. -NBC News
Why we’re facing the worst recession since the Great Depression -CNBC
How Covid-19 Broke the Global Economy -Bloomberg
Why dairy farmers across America are dumping their milk -CNN
Retail sales plunge 8.7 percent in March, biggest drop on record -The Hill
A zoo is struggling so much that it may have to feed some animals to other animals -CNN
Insane video captures massive paper mill explosion in Maine -New York Post
Lots of fires lately.
April 5: Fort Myers Fire Destroys 3,500 Rental Cars -Auto Rental News
April 7: Rise in searches for 'How to set fire' a sign insurance fraud beckons as economy crashes -Washington Examiner
April 10: San Antonio firefighters investigate suspicious fire at strip club -NBC News
April 14: Fire rips through La Jolla nail salon -Fox 5
April 14: Fire tears through commercial building in St. Paul, leaving it a total loss -Twin Cities Pioneer Press
I wonder if there has been a significant uptick in the number of fires in businesses that were struggling due to the lockdown. I’m gonna have to google some nationwide insurance statistics in a few weeks.
CDC estimates more than 9,200 health care workers have been infected with covid-19 -CNN
Two US sailors on French carrier test positive for coronavirus -The Hill
Pentagon to extend troop movement freeze past May 11 -The Hill
Russians, Iranians hassle U.S. military in separate incidents -Politico
Coronavirus: Concerts, sports may not return until fall 2021, expert says -Mercury News
Universities begin considering the possibility of canceling in-person classes until 2021 -CNN
Women leaders are doing a disproportionately great job at handling the pandemic. So why aren't there more of them? -CNN
So far, on average, female world leaders have been doing a much better job handling the coronavirus pandemic than male leaders. But to be fair, Trump is really bringing down the male average.
House Democrats introduce plan to pay Americans $2,000 a month until economy recovers from COVID-19 -Business Insider
This would save a lot of lives and save the economy. It’s what other countries in Europe and Asia are doing. It’s the best option.
So of course the Republicans are going to do everything they can to stop it. In their minds, money is for rich people. In Trumpistan, only rich people get billions in free money from the government. Fuck the peasants.
“Let them eat cake.” -Marie-Antoinette
'Beyond Predatory': Trump Treasury Department Gives Banks Green Light to Seize $1,200 Stimulus Checks to Pay Off Debts -Common Dreams
Unparalleled crisis leads to unprecedented federal spending -The Hill
And almost all of that money is gonna end up in the pockets of Trump and a handful of his billionaire buddies.
Don’t be Putin’s useful idiot. Vote for Biden, even if he’s nowhere near as good as Bernie. He’s still a thousand times better than Trump.
Instead of admitting his failure to act, Trump is busy trying to blame everyone but himself for the 32,000 Americans who were killed so far.
In the past few days, Trump and his henchmen have been ramping up the anti-China rhetoric, just as I predicted
. Let’s see how much longer it takes before they accuse China of deliberately infecting America.
I think it’s only a matter of time, before Trump and his sniveling henchmen are going to call this pandemic an attack on America. To rally Trump’s brainwashed minions behind him, and to demonize liberals as traitors, just like Hitler demonized jewish Germans as traitors.
Pompeo, Joint Chiefs chairman raise concerns about China over coronavirus -CNN “Top government officials, including the secretary of state, are raising concerns about China’s involvement with the beginnings of the coronavirus pandemic, arguing that without China providing transparency, the US cannot discern where the virus originated. Joint Chiefs Chairman Mark A. Milley could not completely deny reports that the virus originated in a Chinese research lab in Wuhan, merely calling the evidence “inconclusive.”
Donald Trump’s 3-Month-Old Tweet About China And The Coronavirus Comes Back To Haunt Him -Huffington Post “China has been working very hard to contain the Coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well. In particular, on behalf of the American People, I want to thank President Xi!” [email protected], Jan 24, 2020
Trump says something, and then a few days later he says the exact opposite. And then he blatantly lies and screams “fake news” when someone points out that he’s a liar
Everyone knows this, except for his brainwashed cult members. They take every word he says as the gospel truth, and willfully ignore that he constantly contradicts himself. Trump vs Trump on Coronavirus: the US President's changing tone in just a few weeks -Channel 4
[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ] submitted by
Those three letters BBC, are familiar for most black men (gay or straight). It’s not the popular British Broadcasting Corporation that half the world enjoys watching. It stands for big black cock. Depending on the person it can be flattering, or irritating. I subscribe to the latter. I tend to be attracted to white guys but have known to be attracted to a variety of different types. However, I’ve noticed a trend. When it comes to asians, blacks, and hispanics I’m more likely to be seen as an individual. I’m not defined by my skin color (unless they don’t have an attraction to blacks). I’m not assumed to be a well endowed top, they usually read my profile and go from there. I’ve even had asian guys (traditionally associated as bottoms) interested in me who are tops. submitted by
I’m not exactly the hook-up type so it shouldn’t matter but sex gets brought up more often than not and often as a dealbreaker. Here’s the thing, there are different types of black men just as there are different types of people. I’m a more nerdy type who prefers science-fiction, fantasy, writing, over sports and music. I’m not hyper-masculine or aggressive, I’m just your average guy. I don’t use the N word, do drugs, I speak American English (as well as ebonics among family). I’ve never had sex but I’m more interested in trying to bottom after I get to meet, get to know, and trust someone. I don’t have a BBC. In short, I don’t subscribe to any stereotypes.
Now every race has stereotyped and made assumptions about people based on skin color. I have been guilty of it too. But in the context of gay dating, I’ve been overwhelmingly stereotypes by white guys. I hate having to generalize and (ironically) stereotype anyone but I’ve had this issue with white men ever since I’ve started using dating apps. Compared to asians, hispanics, and blacks who only bring up my skin color when they’re not attracted, when it comes to white guys, my skin color is defined by them whether they’re attracted to me or not.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve definitely met a few decent white guys but I often get messaged by guys who immediately jump to asking,
“Are you hung?” “Let me see that BBC.” “I bet you have a big dick!”
My profile usually has my sexual position as bottom yet these guys are still concerned about how big I am. Some have admitted they didn’t read my profile but assumed based off my photos. Then they’re are the guys who are more subtle about it but still assume I’m a top. I feel as if the majority of white guys interested in Black guys usually have more strings attached. We have to be a top, we have to be well endowed. I’ve had more than a fair share of guys who claim to be versatile (which very well may be true) but expect me to top. Almost as if they’re versatile with everyone else but exclusively a bottom for black guys.
Then they’re are the guys who are fine with me being a bottom but then want to settle with giving me a blowjob, and the inevitable “How big are you?” question comes up. My dick is always relevant to them in some way, it’s a weird fascination.
These conditions are the same for those who want to date. They expect me to be either a total top or versatile for it to work. Often when a white guy defies expectations and is looking for a Black guy to bottom they have oddly specific expectations. They have to be twinks, or fem, or trans. Almost as if an average black guy is to masc for their liking. I’m not sure why I have to wade through an extra layer when dealing with white guys but it gets tiring after a while having to explain for the hundreth time that I’m not a top, that I’m not well endowed.
I try not to let it get to me. Some of these guys don’t know or understand that I deal with guys like them all the time so it’s not fair for me to go off on them as if they’re every guy who wanted me to top. A fair few are decent (the guys who want a top but aren’t racial about it) and I try to be kind and politely decline every time. I don’t want to turn into an angry and bitter person and as much as I sometimes want to write off White guys and put “No whites.” on my profile I refuse to do it. Most of them may seem to define me by my skin color, but I”m not going to do the same thing.
I just wish there was a solution without me having to waste my profile mentioning my sexual preference and dick size, or having to put I’m not a stereotypical Black guy. I’d like to be viewed outside my race. As an individual.
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