Rested Underdog Baseball Betting System - BangTheBook.com

Sports Betting Systems

A reddit subreddit for sports betting systems that actually work. Systems for MLB Baseball and NHL Hockey (with NBA basketball coming soon) We share all performance data, so you always know HOW these systems made a profit, and the performance can be replicated using historical data.
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Sports Betting 101: Do’s and Don’ts of Sports Betting

Do Go Line Shopping

When you buy food, clothes, or any other item, it makes sense to look for the best price. All else being equal, it’s efficient to want the best possible good for the lowest possible cost. This concept maps perfectly onto sports betting, where all else is always equal. A bet on the New York Yankees is a bet on the Yankees regardless of what sportsbook you place it at, so finding the best price is a singular variable that should be weighed on its own.
Ideally you’d have access to multiple betting outlets and simply bet your game wherever you could find the best price, but at the very least this concept of “line shopping” is a good way to get an indication of value. The convenience of having multiple options for where to place a wager is one reason why Las Vegas is considered by many to be a sports bettor’s paradise. As more and more states and regions come onboard with legalized sports betting, that landscape is set to change, though. Just look at places like New Jersey that now offer multiple outlets for bettors to place wagers at.
If you can bet the Yankees at -150, but at other sportsbooks you’d have to lay -175 or -200, then generally speaking, you’ve stumbled upon a bargain. It can be annoying and time consuming to cross-reference every one of your bets, but fortunately the resources become more and more available as sports betting grows.

Don’t Bet Large Moneyline Favorites

The further away you get from a 50/50 bet, the harder it is to get a fair price. Most sportsbooks price 50/50 propositions at -110 on both sides, but when you’re dealing with lopsided odds, the house cut widens.
If a huge favorite is -3000 to win, you won’t see the underdog remotely close to that number. So if the favorite is -3000 and the underdog is +1500, which is fairly typical or thereabouts, then there’s a good chance the fair number is somewhere in the 2000s, This means that neither side is likely to be worth betting on. Many bettors will mask this problem by parlaying large favorites together so that they can stomach a more manageable payout, but it doesn’t change the fact that the component parts of the bet are inherently bad values.
Making a bet just because you feel like it “can’t lose” is the wrong philosophy, and it’s exacerbated when you delude yourself by combining multiple bets of this nature into one wager. This can become even more problematic when you’re not being offered fair parlay odds. Some sportsbooks do offer fair parlay calculations, but betting on a lot of large money line favorites is still virtually certain to lose you money in the long run.

Do Target Correlated Parlays

Long explanation incoming…
Most people familiar with sports betting will tell you that a parlay is always a bad idea, but it’s not even remotely that simple.
A parlay is essentially a neutral proposition in general, where you are making one bet, and then automatically betting all of the possible winnings on a second, or more bets. There’s nothing particularly useful about doing this, but there’s nothing particularly problematic about doing it either. Having said that, there are some parlays that are absolutely worth considering. Some sportsbooks will let you bet parlays when the bets are actually correlated.
The idea behind a correlated parlay is that the outcome of one bet can influence the result of a second bet, so the combination of two bets can give you a different likelihood of winning than two unrelated bets. For instance, if you bet a parlay on two coin flips, you have a 25% chance to win (.5 x .5 = .25) because those two 50/50 flips are totally independent. But if you bet a parlay on, let’s say, the under and the home team in a baseball game, you actually have more than a 25% chance to win because home wins lead to less runs on average, primarily because the home team doesn’t bat in the bottom of the 9th if they are winning.
Diving deeper into baseball parlays, there are a few things to keep in mind that can give you an advantage. As mentioned above, the existence of an 18th frame (bottom of the 9th) is a chance for more runs to be scored. That alone creates an interrelationship between home victories and reduced run scoring, as well as away victories and increased run scoring, but there’s more to it as well. The rules of baseball also dictate that the game is over once the home team takes the lead in the 9th inning or later, so it’s more difficult for a home team to win by multiple runs than it is for an away team. Yes, multi-run home runs can happen in the 9th inning or later, but this is the only way a home team can win by more than one beyond the 9th. On the other hand, the away team has unlimited run potential in the 9th and extra innings, so there’s increased chance for a total bet to hit the over if the away team does the scoring.

Don’t Chase with Live Bets

Live betting odds are computed with pretty complex algorithms, and just like with large money line betting options, the fair bet is generally somewhere close to the middle.
The bottom line is that both sides of a live bet, in most cases, present less-than-ideal value, due to the increased juice, or higher house cut. Chasing your losses or chasing a pregame wager through live betting can be viewed as a way to get of what you think is a lost cause, but in the long run it’s going to hurt you.
Although, like betting on game props discussed below, it is possible to find some gems when scrolling through live betting odds. For the most part, it’s important to exercise restraint and look elsewhere for better value.

Do Bet Player Props

Player props generally come with increased vigs (-115 or -120 compared to the standard -110), but there is still plenty of opportunity to cash in on them. The most effective way to bet a player prop is simply to rely on a trusted projection system that can spot differences in the betting line and the expected result for a player’s statistics, but the best player prop values usually occur due to injuries.
Wagers are voided if the player of record is scratched from a game, but injuries to surrounding players, usually teammates, can open up some substantial advantages. In basketball, for instance, it’s generally a good idea to bet the over on props for James Harden and Chris Paul when one of the two is ruled out of a game, and same goes for Steph Curry and Kevin Durant, or other combinations of this nature.
You can also bet under props when news breaks about a minutes restriction in basketball, a snap count in football, a pitch limit in baseball, and so on. The main idea is to use your ability to quickly react to news, as player prop lines tend to respond to news more slowly than standard game betting lines.

Don’t Bet Game Props (Usually)

Game props can be viable, but there’s a slew of game props that people bet mostly for fun without realizing how negative the value is that they’re getting. Bets like “team to win first half and full game” or “player to score first basket” or “yes/no game goes to extra innings” just about never come with a fair payout and could ultimately be a disaster for your bankroll.
Sportsbooks know that people usually make these types of bets on a whim. These bets are more for casual bettors who want a more exotic taste of action, but if it’s a bet that a sharp player likes, he or she has likely already gotten in when the price was good. While it’s not absolutely impossible to find a diamond in the rough with these bets, you’re almost certainly better off looking elsewhere.
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Baseball History may be ever Changing but some things never Change

Baseball history, like all history, certainly is ever changing, but some aspects of the game have remained unchanged for well over a half-century. There are a few reasons for this - over time the basic rules of the game have for the most part remained unaltered; the development of essential skills continues to involve an investment of time and personnel by ball clubs; and fans have always flocked to see money players and exciting teams.
In 1976, Major League Baseball (MLB) was changed forever with the birth of free agency. Since its inception, the owners had held power over all players. They could trade anyone at anytime and control, with relative ease, what individuals would be paid. Great players, like Babe Ruth, usually commanded solid salaries but with free agency players were able to negotiate their contracts and to go to a team willing to pay their price.
Still, as it had always been, players had to have the skills a team needed to get their price. The one major difference was that players were now able to sign guaranteed contracts, which stated that they would be paid their salary no matter how they performed and even if they were injured.
Seventy-three years before free agency, professional baseball underwent a change that would influence the way in which the Majors conducted business and found players. In 1903 the National Association of Professional Base Ball Leagues, better known as the Minor Leagues, was formed in order to create some order in which Major League teams acquired players from small market clubs. In the 1930s the great Branch Rickey developed the structure for what we know today as the "Minor Leagues." Rickey’s formalization of the "Minors," which became dedicated to developing players who could perform in the Majors, was jokingly called the "farm system" because small town clubs were raising young players "like corn" down on the farm.
Since the 1930s, MLB has relied upon affiliate farm teams to develop players for the big leagues to supply promising prospects for trades, or to simply provide adequate replacements when necessary. Today, the Minor League system is highly developed, bringing players up through A, AA, and AAA ball. When a team is looking to make a trade for a solid Major Leaguer, one way they can sweeten the deal is by including prospects from the minors. Additionally, one way for owners to keep costs down is to bring up players from the "farm team" when they’re ready. By doing this a MLB team can save millions of dollars.
Bringing up an adequate second baseman from the minors and paying him the minimum $327,000 for the season can prove to have more value than paying a veteran infielder 2.5 million dollars. Using a certain number of non-veterans allows a team to spend more money on other positions, especially pitching, which is always at a premium and comes at a high price.
The Minor Leagues have always been a cost-saving venture for clubs but with today’s exorbitant salaries, the strength of the players union, and most clubs carrying payrolls of under one-hundred million dollars, the strategic use of Minor League players can make the difference in both turning a profit and winning the World Series.
Using players from the farm club actually gives owners more power, since those team members who have been brought up are not eligible for salary arbitration until they have three years in the Majors and cannot become free agents until they’ve accumulated six or more years in the big leagues. Today, for a brief part of a player’s career, National and American League owners have the power they used to possess over every player prior to 1976.
Teams looking to win a championship and attract as much revenue as possible have often invested money in key players. Throughout baseball’s history, there have been owners willing to pay more than others. In 1919, some of the Chicago White Sox, which was owned by Charles Comiskey, decided to throw the World Series to their National League counterparts, the Cincinnati Reds.
The White Sox players felt they were both underpaid and under-appreciated by their boss and figured if they bet on the underdog Reds and insured that the National Leaguers would win, they’d make a tidy profit. They did just that, but they also got caught. It became known as the Black Sox Scandal of 1919, and it’s a constant reminder to owners of how a man like Comiskey, who had a whole lot of money, could be penny-wise and pound-foolish.
Of course, spending a lot of money does not insure a team will win the World Series or even the League Championship. Since the New York Yankees payroll exceeded one hundred millions dollars five years ago, they’ve been unable to win it all. The last few years Steinbrenner and company have been handing over two hundred million in team pay. Last year’s champs, the Chicago White Sox, paid out a little over seventy-five million to their players. It was ironic, because they had not won the Series since 1917, prior to the big scandal.
Most analysts agree that a MLB club needs to wisely spend about seventy million to be competitive. That’s why some pundits believe that the Toronto Blue Jays, who reached that magic salary mark this season by adding quality players and about thirty million to their pay roll, are a club to watch.
The basic idea at work regarding salary prior to free agency is that a happy player - one who feels he’s being treated and paid fairly - can equal a happy owner with a winning team. After free agency, the thought became that in order to compete a team had to pay a player what the market dictated and owners, to a degree, had the ability to control that market. These are, in essence, two sides of the same coin.
If we could resurrect Cy Young, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and Home Run Baker and bring them out to the ballpark, they’d certainly still understand the game, even though it has changed. Since their time, there has been the development of specialty pitchers, creation of artificial turf, and the addition of the designated hitter in the American League. The mound, strike zone, and scoreboards are all different too.
Player skills are still fundamentally the same, except more advanced. They would get the idea that a better player should command more money than a player with less skill. But the overall economics of the game would probably baffle those great players. That has added a new type of off-field strategy that owners who want to win must master. Since the turn of the 19th century, it’s been the greatest change MLB has seen.
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What Is The Purpose Of This Sub? An Introduction

What is the purpose of this sub? Putting money in your pocket.
I have created a system that accurately predicts the outcome of most MLB games, with the legalization of sports betting I feel as though this is a great opportunity not only to share the discovery but to help you.
To back up a bit, I stumbled across this system last summer while creating different DFS strategies, I was horrendous constantly never getting the right team stacks of which offense would go off. What I hadn’t realized was that I had created a system for predicting wins, not predicting runs. I tinkered with the system and have done so throughout the fall and winter testing on every single game day of 6 years of data. I can comfortably say that I have found a system that works.
 
What it will be:
So I cannot predict every single game, it is ludicrous to make that kind of statement but I can predict between 3 to upwards of 6 or 7 games depending on the slate size (rare). A few notes is that no, they are not all massive -500 favorites, the opposite actually with some underdogs and projected close games. I recommend that you parlay in order to maximize your earnings.
 
How it works:
There are trends, and I have found that two games of a starting pitcher is mostly place to look in order to project their 3rd game. I look at these stats: BABIP, B%, K%, O-Swing%, O-Contact%, Zone%, Zone-Contact% among a few other helpful and predictive stats that can be found on sites like Baseball Savant.
 
When can we start:
I need at minimum two games of data from starting pitchers, with the current 2 week delay of opening day I can only project at the moment that I can begin the picks on or about April 24.
 
What I want from you:
Nothing. Just patience. I don’t want your money or your thanks. I don’t want you to place a single bet until you feel comfortable in my picks. I will firmly say that the parlay win-rate will not be 90%, or 95% or 99% it will be 100% and the only way you can believe that is by waiting.
 
Why am I doing this:
I don’t think it is right watching hacks get paid money to throw around picks and only hit on 40-60% of them. Nor do I think it’s right to watch people who need some money or may have a gambling problem be roped in by charlatans with bogus picks only to disappear and leave the bettor empty handed. But my purpose is deeper than that, the average American makes 59k a year with 47k in various debts. The sports betting industry made approximately 1.2 Trillion in revenue last year while only having to pay roughly 13% in taxes, which is the same as a person in America who makes between 9700 and 39k a year. There’s a pandemic going on, along with the beginning of a possible global recession which has/will cause many people to lose value in their 401k and retirement plans. People will more than likely be laid off in the oil industry as a result of the oil war between the Saudis and Russia. The last people who need over a trillion dollars with low taxes being paid back to the government or states are sportsbooks, with this subreddit we and our hopeful growing online community can create profit to not only help ourselves but our families and more than anything our communities. I don’t believe that greed is good but I do believe the more money that is in our hands as ordinary people around the world, the better the likelihood of us doing good. Call me naive but that’s what I sincerely believe.
 
If you have any questions at all feel free to PM me
Please don’t exploit the information given on the sub, do better not worse.
 
Good luck.
R
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3/02 Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!

3/02 Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!
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3/02 Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!

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Red Alert Patreon Members now get The MAC'S personal wagers as a units per play system, betting the strongest information and games with odds that have very best optimal value/risk reward. The Mac will once again prove why they continuously acclaim him to be a National Treasure as he will cracking them open and cleaning them out with 3 Red Alerts Picks Tonight! NBA Red Alert - 7:30 Memphis Grizzlies +2 vs Atlanta Hawks -2 + 2 Big Game Red Alert CBB Picks and for Top Rated Patrons, MAC is moving heavy on special release action, 2 CBB bets and a NHL Major Move Alert on the Colorado Avalanche vs Detroit Red Wings total set at 5.5! Roland is anticipating a huge rebound day, and Red Alerts Picks are cash in the bank making interest!
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MAC GOT HIS LAST NIGHT - CBB HUSH MONEY ACTION NOW 37-15 FOR THE SEASON - MAC will be getting it done the way it's supposed to be done with 3 special release games on tap tonight! 1 NHL Major Move Alert - 7:38 Colorado Avalanche vs Detroit Red Wings & 2 Exclusive NCAAB Plays - HUSH MONEY ACTION - 9:00 Texas Tech +7.5 vs Baylor -7.5 + A Backroom Info Angle that will be another classic example of why they dub Roland MAC McGuillaman the most venerable betting source on the internet. The MAC has been picking off games all season and March Madness is his specialty, ripping down office pools and NCAAB March Madness Contests is just what the MAC does.
9:00 - NCAAB Hush Money Pick - Texas Tech +7.5 vs Baylor -7.5
Tonight's The Mac has a Big 12 Hush Money game play on the Red Raiders vs Baylor Bears! The Red raiders are 18 - 11 (3 - 6 Road) with a ATS record of 13 - 16 - 0(4 - 5 - 0 Road). The Baylor Bears are ranked second in the Big 12 standings and 4th over all while holding a ATS record of 18 - 10 - 0 (7 - 7 - 0 Home). Both teams are hunting for a championship and with Baylor having their last game against West Virginia this game could make a big difference for both teams. The Bears are 7-1 ATS in their last 8 games following a ATS loss and are 4-0 ATS in their last 4 home games vs. a team with a losing road record. Texas Tech Red Raiders are 5-2 ATS in their last 7 games as a road underdog but are 1-4 ATS in their last 5 games overall.
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  • Hawks are 8-2-1 ATS in their last 11 home games.
  • Grizzlies are 6-13 ATS in the last 19 meetings in Atlanta.
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CBB RED ALERT PLAY (MAR 02) - (8:30 Alabama A&M Bulldogs vs Prairie View A&M Panthers)
Special Release Plays
NHL MAJOR MOVE (MAR 02) - (7:38 Colorado Avalanche vs Detroit Red Wings)
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Tonight's NCAAB Hush Money Play - NO. Colorado -6 vs Montana State +6 - (Another quiet game + A telling line = CBB CASH $)

Tonight's NCAAB Hush Money Play - NO. Colorado -6 vs Montana State +6 - (Another quiet game + A telling line = CBB CASH $)

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3/07 - Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends - MAC's MMA Exclusive Picks
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Red Alert Wagers SS LLC Exclusive Releases & Red Alert Free Plays exhibit why Roland "The Roarin MAC" McGuillaman's reputation as THE PAYMASTER is galvanized in the gambling underworld as a dangerous low key sharp! He doesn't know where you been, but The MACS been dicking down the sports betting game since the Star Dust was the place to get a high end hooker and a cocktail! Baseball is almost back and MAC will be throwing his lucky lean out everyday until opening day! Yesterday's Play - San Diego Padres -130 Spring Training Game - Winner - Final 3-4! Today's MAC ATTACK Picks are below along with some look ahead Exclusive MMA Releases that are easy money! March Madness is getting closer and MAC has been the man to go to for brackets, bust open your office pools and take all you're dorky co-workers cash with professional top rated March Madness Picks and Vegas tournament grade CBB bracket.
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Not only is Roland calling games like a savage, The Mac is making record breaking earnings in 2020 - College Hoops Action is now hitting 73% and growing, hunting for the very best selections and odds is time consuming, chasing sharps and getting sportsbook alerts when whales lay heavy is a full time job, RedAlertWagers.com has been in the sports betting business to be in the sports betting business - PATREON MEMBERSHIPS START @ $7.00 - Red Alert Plays - All Games are released to the public the next day + MAC puts out a daily recap newsletter with free predictions and trends for the best games on the board!
(MAR 07) MAC DID THE CRUSHING LAST NIGHT - TONIGHT MAC HAS 2 SPECIAL RELEASE PLAYS + 3 RED ALERT PLAYS - ACTION STARTS @ 6:00!
Red Alert Patreon Members now get The MAC'S personal wagers as a units per play system, betting the strongest information and games with odds that have very best optimal value/risk reward. The Mac will once again prove why they continuously acclaim him to be a National Treasure as he will cracking them open and cleaning them out with 3 Red Alerts Picks Tonight! Roland is anticipating a huge CBB day, and Red Alerts Picks are cash in the bank making interest!
Premium Play & Top Rated Release earnings are up substantially, College Hoops Plays are more than impressive this year, and tonight's CBB Action is set to go our direction. The MAC has a full card today and he is getting the all the geetus with conviction, he did his homework and is keeping open lines of discourse between his consensus groups and other affiliated player syndicates across the country. There's a reason THE MAC has been dubbed THE PAYMASTER by bookmakers this college basketball season, picking games against the spread & sending a signal through the noise!
(MAR 07) MAC's Exclusive Release Plays - NCAAB HUSH MONEY ACTION + CBB MAJOR MOVE ALERT PLAY - MAC will be getting it done the way it's supposed to be done with 2 Exclusive release games on tap tonight - 6:00 - NCAAB Hush Money NO. Colorado -6 vs Montana State +6 - This will be another classic example of why they dub Roland MAC McGuillaman the most venerable betting source on the internet. 10:00 - CBB Major Move Alert San Francisco -3 vs Pacific +3 - A Pay Master Special Release with consensus backed information- The MAC has been picking off games all season and March Madness is his specialty, ripping down office pools and NCAAB March Madness Contests is just what the MAC does.
LAST NIGHT PLAY RECAP - Check the Patreon for last night's play recap - https://www.patreon.com/MACSPICKS
The stock market is crashing and MAC's answering back with the very best college basketball sports investments available - MAC has the play at Patreon and on the Red Pass tonight - $25.00 Gets all MAC's Top Rated & Special Release Picks for 1 Month - $25.00 1 Month of all exclusive info CBB picks!
6:00 - NCAAB Hush Money NO. Colorado Bears vs Montana State Bobcats
Roland's been playing and fading these teams for years, knowing when to lay or take points with teams like the Seawolves, Gaels, River Hawks, & Governors has aggrandized THE MAC's reputation for his college hoops Hush Money Plays. This will be another game out of the public eye that will produce the quiet profits we expect. We pride our action by bringing the results that keep the people recommending THE MAC'S ATS COLLEGE BASKETBALL PICKS, making him one of the most venerable sources for expert college basketball predictions against the spread, and lionizing RedAlertWagers.com in and around sportsbooks and casinos!
Tonight our Top Rated Exclusive Play Members will be getting in on MAC's CBB Major Move Alert on San Francisco -3 vs Pacific +3, plus all of tonight's Red Alert College Basketball & NBA Predictions.
THE MAC HAS CBB GAME RED ALERT PLAY - 7:00 - Albany NY +7.5 vs Stony Brook -7.5 a highly anticipated CBB Game - Another Big 15 UNIT play that holds the value we strive for when researching odds, trends and stats - MAC has been hitting the CBB Action hard and averaging around 72% this year for our CBB betting members.
Great Danes are 5-1-1 ATS in their last 7 road games vs. a team with a home winning % of greater than .600.
Great Danes are 1-3-1 ATS in their last 5 games as a road underdog.
Seawolves are 1-4-1 ATS in their last 6 games as a home favorite.
Seawolves are 16-5-2 ATS in their last 23 games following a straight up loss.
College Basketball Season is how we're making money, with dozens of games going off it's not easy for the average bettor to find a decent game to bet on, that's what RedAlertWagers.com is here for, we hit the angles and have the resources. Our Sports Consensus Groups are now focused on March Madness and we will be picking off NBA & NHL special release plays as we go! RedAlertWagers.com sports betting predictions are going the distance and there is no finish line!!
!!TOP RATED PREMIUM PLAYS!!
\*PREMIUM PLAYS*\**
Special Release Plays: 25 UNITS
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10:00 - CBB Major Move Alert San Francisco -3 vs Pacific +3
Red Alert Plays: 25 UNITS
7:00 - Albany NY +7.5 vs Stony Brook -7.5
8:00 - St. Bonaventure +5 vs Saint Louis -5
11:00 - Stanford +7.5 vs Oregon -7.5
**DAILY MAC ATTACK FREE PICKS*\*
CBB MAC ATTACK PICK (MAR 07) - (Murray State +3)
CBB MAC ATTACK PICK (MAR 07) - (Cincinnati -10.5)
CBB MAC ATTACK PLAY (MAR 07) - (Massachusetts +3)
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FUN PLAY 2 TEAM MIX GAME PARLAY (MAR 07) - (NBA - Detroit Pistons +8 + CBB - Massachusetts +3)
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**EARLY INFO FREE RELEASES*\*
EXCLUSIVE GOLF EASY MONEY - ARNOLD PALMER INVITATIONAL (MAR 05) - (Hideki Matsuyama +2000)
EXCLUSIVE MMA EASY MONEY - UFC 248 (MAR 07) - (Joanna Jedrzejczyk +159)
EXCLUSIVE MMA EASY MONEY - UFC 248 (MAR 07) - (Yoel Romero - Ko, Tko, Dq Or Submission +250)
EXCLUSIVE F-1 EASY MONEY - F-1 DRIVERS CHAMPIONSHIP (MAR 12) - (Max Verstappen +500)
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3/04 - Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!

3/04 - Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!
3/04 - Free Betting Predictions, Tips, Advice and Trends! MLB Spring Training Free Play Today!

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(MAR 04) MAC DID THE CRUSHING LAST NIGHT - TONIGHT MAC HAS 1 SPECIAL RELEASE PLAY + 3 RED ALERT PLAYS, ACTION STARTS @ 7:00!

Red Alert Patreon Members now get The MAC'S personal wagers as a units per play system, betting the strongest information and games with odds that have very best optimal value/risk reward. The Mac will once again prove why they continuously acclaim him to be a National Treasure as he will cracking them open and cleaning them out with 3 Red Alerts Picks Tonight! Roland is anticipating a huge CBB day, and Red Alerts Picks are cash in the bank making interest!
Premium Play & Top Rated Release earnings are up substantially, College Hoops Plays are more than impressive this year, and tonight's CBB Action is set to go our direction. The MAC has a full card today and he is getting the all the geetus with conviction, he did his homework and is keeping open lines of discourse between his consensus groups and other affiliated player syndicates across the country. There's a reason THE MAC has been dubbed THE PAYMASTER by bookmakers this college basketball season, picking games against the spread & sending a signal through the noise!
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LAST NIGHT RECAP - 9:00 - NCAAB Hush Money Pick - Appalachian State -2 vs UL - Monroe +2
(The Mac had a Sun Belt Hush Money play on Appalachian State -2 last night! The Appalachian State Mountaineers got it done with a final of 61-57. These are the quiet games that we have been nailing all season, games that are out of the public betting eye are the easy plays that make MAC's Hush Money Predictions platinum rated across the country. ) - \*WINNER*\**
The stock market is crashing and MAC's answering back with the very best college basketball sports investments available - MAC has the play at Patreon and on the Red Pass tonight - $25.00 Gets all MAC's Top Rated & Special Release Picks for 1 Month - $25.00 1 Month of all exclusive info CBB picks!
Roland's been playing and fading these teams for years, knowing when to lay or take points with teams like the Seawolves, Gaels, River Hawks, & Governors has aggrandized THE MAC's reputation for his college hoops Hush Money Plays. This will be another game out of the public eye that will produce the quiet profits we expect. We pride our action by bringing the results that keep the people recommending THE MAC'S ATS COLLEGE BASKETBALL PICKS, making him one of the most venerable sources for expert college basketball predictions against the spread, and lionizing RedAlertWagers.com in and around sportsbooks and casinos!
Tonight our Top Rated Exclusive Play Members will be getting in on MAC'S NCAAB MAJOR MOVE PLAY on the 8:00 - NCAAB Hush Money Play - Massachusetts +1 vs La Salle -1, plus all of tonight's Red Alert College Basketball & NBA Predictions.
THE MAC HAS NBA GAME RED ALERT PLAY -7:00 - Clemson +1.5 vs Virginia Tech -1.5 a highly anticipated CBB Game - A Big 5 UNIT play that holds the value we strive for when researching odds, trends and stats - MAC has been hitting the CBB Action hard and averaging around 72% this year for our CBB betting members.
  • Tigers are 4-1 ATS in their last 5 games overall.
  • Tigers are 4-1 ATS in their last 5 games vs. a team with a winning straight up record.
  • Tigers are 10-4 ATS in their last 14 games following a straight up win.
  • Tigers are 5-2 ATS in their last 7 road games vs. a team with a winning home record.
  • Tigers are 12-5 ATS in their last 17 games as an underdog.
College Basketball Season is how we're making money, with dozens of games going off it's not easy for the average bettor to find a decent game to bet on, that's what RedAlertWagers.com is here for, we hit the angles and have the resources. Our Sports Consensus Groups are now focused on March Madness and we will be picking off NBA & NHL special release plays as we go! RedAlertWagers.com sports betting predictions are going the distance and there is no finish line!!

The MAC is cocked, locked, & loaded as he has received what people call the industry standard of advice from national sports syndicates and consensus groups across the country MAC's CBB RED ALERTS are only available on Patreon.com and are included in the 1 Day Red Pass!Special Release Play: 10 UNITS7:00 Massachusetts +1 vs La Salle -1RED ALERT PLAYS - 15 UNITS7:00 - Clemson +1.5 vs Virginia Tech -1.57:30 - Morehead State +2 vs Tennessee State -29:30 - Jacksonville State +2 vs Eastern Illinois -2

(MAR 04) Wednesday's Free Special Wager Picks Below!
https://preview.redd.it/oenr163yypk41.jpg?width=581&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a11f441ed30a48b9832ad15dc43cf61cd5a064d9
THE MAC'S TOP RATED RELEASE COLLEGE BASKETBALL RED ALERT PLAYS ARE UNSTOPPABLE THIS YEAR! - Last Night's NCAAB Hush Money Play - Appalachian State -2 - (Another mismatch game + A telling line = CBB CASH $) + Free MLB Spring Training Picks Today!
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RedAlertWagers.com has revamped the Patreon! - NEW Membership Tiers - $25 1 Month of MAC'S exclusive information personal wagers, what games to move heavy on and what games to move minor on, play and watch how a professional sports betting expert spreads his units, either you're betting with us or just haven't heard The Roland Roarin Mac McGuillaman​ ROAR - Join Now - $25.00 Top Rated + Special Release Action
Not only is Roland calling games like a savage, The Mac is making record breaking earnings in 2020 - College Hoops Action is now hitting 73% and growing, hunting for the very best selections and odds is time consuming, chasing sharps and getting sportsbook alerts when whales lay heavy is a full time job, RedAlertWagers.com has been in the sports betting business to be in the sports betting business - PATREON MEMBERSHIPS START @ $7.00 - Red Alert Plays - All Games are released to the public the next day + MAC puts out a daily recap newsletter with free predictions and trends for the best games on the board!
**PREMIUM PLAYS*\*
Special Release Plays: 10 UNITS
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Red Alert Plays: 15 UNITS
7:00 Clemson +1.5 vs Virginia Tech -1.5
7:30 Morehead State +2 vs Tennessee State -2
9:30 Jacksonville State +2 vs Eastern Illinois -2
**DAILY MAC ATTACK FREE PICKS**
CBB MAC ATTACK PICK (MAR 04) - (Georgia Tech -6)
CBB MAC ATTACK PICK (MAR 04) - (St. Josephs +11.5) NBA MAC ATTACK PLAY (MAR 04) - (Chicago Bulls +3)
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Build your own personal player prop-parlay at MyBookie FREE PLAYER PROP PARLAY (MAR 04) - (NBA Giannis Antetokounmpo [email protected] will have more points than Luka Doncic [email protected] and Bradley Beal [email protected] +235)
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More Free Plays and Predictions at RedAlertWagers.com
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MLB Betting Strategy - The Blowout Effect

Professor MJ’s Sports Betting Strategies: MLB – The Blowout Effect

In this article, I am going to answer the following question:
When a team blows out an opponent, how do these two teams react in their following game?
The results presented in this article come from a dataset containing information about all Major League Baseball (MLB) regular season games from the seven (7) seasons covering the 2010 to 2016 period. In total, we have data on over 17,000 games.

1. Framework


Suppose Team A blows out Team B, which means they win by “x” runs. We consider the following three scenarios:
The main objective is to analyze the blowout effect.
On one hand, does the team that won by a large margin follow up with a nice performance because of momentum, or does it tend to be sloppier because of overconfidence?
How about the team that lost by a wide margin? Is the blowout a wakeup call for them and leads to a razor-sharp performance in their next game, or does it crush their self-confidence?

2. Scenario #1: Team A blows out Team B, and they meet once again the next day


2.1 Basic Exploration Under Scenario #1

Here are the results from placing $1 bets on Team A and Team B the day after the former beats the latter by exactly “x” runs (based on the data from the 2010 – 2016 seasons):
See Table 1
This very trivial betting strategy yields very interesting and surprising findings.
First of all, betting Team A (i.e. the team that just blew out its opponent) leads to an overall $20.26 profit when the margin of victory was five runs or more. The Return On Investment (ROI) is equal to 0.7% ($20.26 / 3102 games). However, we note that the results are more impressive when considering games following a blow out by 8+ runs. Under such circumstances, we achieved a $49.17 profit over a total of 930 games which corresponds to a non-negligible ROI of 5.3%. That’s a very promising MLB betting strategy that we will scrutinize further.
Secondly, betting Team B turns out to be a disaster. This strategy incurs a loss no matter the margin of victory, except if x = 10 (which is probably due to randomness). There is no doubt that we should absolutely avoid backing a team that just got beaten up badly when facing the same rival the next day.

2.2 The Road/Home Split Under Scenario #1

Let’s first break down the results from the table above into two separate cases, depending on whether Team A (the team that won its previous game by a large margin against Team B) plays on the road or at home when facing the same opponent once more.
See Tables 2&3
Let’s kick off by highlighting the fact that all of the profit on Team A arises when they are on the road (+$21.60 on the road versus -$1.33 at home). However, a deeper look reveals a compelling finding: the gains are approximately the same on both locations if we focus on the strategy we raised earlier, which consisted of placing a bet only if the margin of victory was eight runs or more (+$28.19 on the road versus +$20.99 at home).
As for Team B, backing them leads to a $49.34 loss on the road compared to a $100.12 loss at home. Even focusing on cases where the margin of victory was large, nothing good comes out of it.

2.3 The Odds Split Under Scenario #1

Are there any signs that certain sets of odds provide profitable situations? Let’s assess the role of money lines under the current setting. In order to do so, I have separated the possible money lines into 11 categories. We then look at the profit made within each such category.
See Table 4
Based on the table above, it seems like placing wagers on Team A is preferable whenever the money line on Team B is +125 (i.e. 2.25 in decimal format) or less. In terms of the money line on Team A, we are talking about -140 (i.e. 1.714) or more. In plain English, Team A is a better bet if it is either an underdog or a small favorite. Under those conditions, the profit was +$51.85 over 2148 games (ROI = 2.4%).
We do not perceive any exciting finding with respect to Team B, except maybe if their money line is above +200 (i.e. 3.00 in decimal format). This limitation provides a +$14.92 gain over 105 games (ROI = 14.2%).
The preceding sections advocated betting on Team A whenever the margin of victory was 8 or more. What does the profit look like in this context as a function of the odds?
See Table 5
As you can see above, the strategy is profitable across all odds. There does not appear to be any “odds” effect whatsoever.

2.4 The Season Split Under Scenario #1

A good way to gauge a system’s reliability is to check its performance across years. We do not feel good about a particular system if almost all of the gains were made in 1-2 specific year(s). We prefer discovering consistent winnings. Let’s see how it plays out for the current strategy.
All indications point towards betting Team A if the margin of victory was 8 runs or more. The road/home split and the odds split both showed that this strategy seemed to work under any circumstances. Let’s see the season-by-season performance:
See Table 6
The fact that a good chunk of the gains were made in 2012 is not ideal, but we still notice six winning seasons versus only one losing one. Those are pretty consistent numbers.
During the odds split, we raised the possibility of wanting to bet Team B when being big underdogs (i.e. money line above 3.00 in decimal format). Let’s see how the $14.92 gains were distributed across the seven seasons considered in this study:
See Table 7
We definitely do not like what we are seeing here: three winning seasons versus four losing ones. I recommend abandoning this idea.

3. Scenario #2: Team A blows out Team B, and Team A’s next game is against a different opponent called Team C


3.1 Basic Exploration Under Scenario #2

Here are the results from placing $1 bets on Team A and Team C when Team A’s most recent game was a win by exactly “x” runs against a different team (still based on the data from the 2010 – 2016 seasons):
See Table 8
The first observation is that both propositions (betting Team A and betting Team C) are equally bad from a gambling perspective. As a matter of fact, they both induce a $17-$18 loss.
The table above nonetheless suggests a potential winning strategy. More specifically, betting Team C following a 7+-point blowout win by Team A over a different team yields a $20.39 profit over 590 games (ROI = 3.5%). We shall keep this tactic in mind as we refine our analysis in the following sections.

3.2 The Road/Home Split Under Scenario #2

We now break down the results above contingent on the location of the game:
See Tables 9 & 10
All of the losses on Team A occurred on the road. When they were playing at home, the majority of the profits were obtained when the margin of victory was 5 or 6, so I do not see anything interesting here (it would be illogical to bet Team A following a 5 or 6-point victory, but staying away after a win by 7+ runs!).
I brought your attention earlier to the following potential betting strategy: betting Team C when Team A won its previous matchup (against a different team) by 7 runs or more. The road/home split yields a +$21.07 profit on the road (over 275 games, ROI = 7.7%) versus a -$0.68 profit at home. Therefore, it seems like Team C takes advantage of Team A’s overconfidence, especially when Team A plays in front of its home crowd.

3.3 The Odds Split Under Scenario #2

See Table 11
This scenario has shown thus far that betting Team A was a bad idea. When looking at the previous table, there might be some light at the end of the tunnel: betting this team if their money line was above +150 (i.e. 2.50 in decimal format) led to a +$25.24 profit over 121 games. The ROI therefore stands at 20.9%.
Backing Team C has proven profitable so far when the margin of victory was 7+. Omitting temporarily the margin of victory, the table above shows that betting Team C is beneficial when the money line on their opponent is -150 (i.e. 1.667 in decimal format) at most, but even more so if it is -200 (i.e. 1.50 in decimal format) at most. What if we focus on the cases where the margin of victory was 7+? What if we incorporate the fact that Team C must also be on the road?
See Table 12
We see pretty clearly how the strategy should be employed particularly when the odds on their opponent was between 0 and 1.50 in decimal format (+$34.58 over 46 games if margin 7+, or +$32.90 over 42 games if margin 7+ and Team C on the road). Let’s be careful about the small sample size though. In terms of the money line on Team C, we therefore require odds +180 (2.80 in decimal format) or higher. More precisely, we generate more gains when Team C is a big underdog.

3.4 The Season Split Under Scenario #2

We brought up four potential strategies under the setting where a team wins easily (Team A) before facing a different team in their next game (Team C). Let’s review the season-by-season profit for each of them.
Betting Team C if Team A’s margin of victory in their previous game was 7+:
See Table 13
Only 2015 incurred a loss, but it was a fairly big one…
Betting Team C if they are on the road and if Team A’s margin of victory in their previous game was 7+:
See Table 14
Once again we get decent results: five winning seasons versus two losing ones.
Betting Team C if they are on the road, if their money line was 2.80 or higher, and if Team A’s margin of victory in their previous game was 7+:
See Table 15
Those are near-perfect results, as all seven seasons led to a positive profit!
Betting Team A if their money line was greater than 2.50:
See Table 16
The results are mitigated here. We do have five winning seasons versus two losing ones, but two of the profitable years were by a slight margin. As a matter of fact, the 2010-2013 seasons combined for a $4.18 loss, while the 2014-2016 led to a $29.42 gain. That’s not necessarily the type of consistency (or lack thereof) we are looking for. I believe it’s best to omit this strategy.

4. Scenario #3: Team A blows out Team B, and Team B’s next game is against a different opponent called Team D


4.1 Basic Exploration Under Scenario #3

Here are the results from placing $1 bets on Team B and Team D when Team B’s most recent game was a loss by exactly “x” runs against a different team (still based on the data from the 2010 – 2016 seasons):
See Table 17
We observe a similar pattern to the previous strategy, where both options seem to be equally poor (a $41.32 loss from backing Team B compared to a $30.27 loss from wagering on Team D).
We may still want to examine further a prospective strategy: betting Team B after they were defeated by 11 runs or more against a different opponent. The gain was $16.35 over 78 games; the ROI then equates to 21.0%. We’ll dig deeper, but we are wary of the small sample size here.

4.2 The Road/Home Split Under Scenario #3

Let’s see how the location of the game may or may not affect the gambling outcome:
See Tables 18 & 19
Recall how we suggested earlier that it might be a good idea to bet Team B whenever their previous game was a loss by 11 runs or more (when now facing a different team). Despite losing much more when backing Team B on the road, it is good to see how restricting ourselves to the case where the margin of victory was 11+ yields a positive gain, no matter the location (+$8.15 on the road, +$8.20 at home).
Meanwhile, all of Team D’s losses occur on the road, but the results at home do not indicate a viable betting strategy since increasing the margin of victory does not lead to better results.

4.3 The Odds Split Under Scenario #3

See Table 20
We do not spot any interesting patterns from the previous table, either from betting on Team B or Team D. Let’s remember, though, that we intended to pay attention to the case where we bet Team B if the margin of victory was 11 or more. What is the performance of this system across all 11 odds categories? The answer can be found below:
See Table 21
The phenomenon that stands out is the following: the odds do not matter here.

4.4 The Season Split Under Scenario #3

A single strategy was reported in the case where a team gets blown out (Team B) before facing a new opponent (Team D): betting Team B if they were beaten by 11 runs or more in their previous game. How was the $16.35 profit distributed across the years?
See Table 22
The results are not too bad: five out of the seven seasons provided some winnings. Add in the fact that the sample size was fairly small (78 games) and it prompts me to recommend this strategy with caution.

5. Conclusion


Let’s summarize the findings from this study by describing clearly the betting strategies that seem to offer a promising outlook.
+$49.17 over 930 games (ROI = 5.3%)
Expected profit per season = 7.02 units ($49.17 / 7 seasons)
+$20.39 over 590 games (ROI = 3.5%)
Expected profit per season = 2.91 units ($20.39 / 7 seasons)
+$16.35 over 78 games (ROI = 21.0%)
Expected profit per season = 2.34 units ($16.35 / 7 seasons)

Those three strategies combined are expected to generate a profit of 7.02 + 2.91 + 2.34 = 12.27 units per full MLB season. Accordingly, if your average bet is $100 you should expect to make 12.27 * 100 = $1,227 per year.

Thanks for reading!
Professor MJ (www.professormj.com)
Disclaimer: I am not telling anyone to go out and bet those angles blindly. There are no guarantees in the sports betting world. This article is presenting findings from past data and then trying to find what seem to be potential winning strategies. Bet at your own risk. I am not responsible for any losses incurred from such wagers.
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After winning the MLB major play and the MLB early money release pick easily, the MAC had a back room NHL and MLS play that made the odds makers look amateur!

After winning the MLB major play and the MLB early money release pick easily, the MAC had a back room NHL and MLS play that made the odds makers look amateur!
https://preview.redd.it/eyq8u6u2mqv31.jpg?width=801&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=722c80770fb009692ac196abebfcf894f497cbb3

This weeks Free Special Wager Pick!

Going 2-0 in the MLB Last night and 7-0 in the NFL Last Week , the Farts are on fire winning 18 out of his 18 Late Info NFL picks and easily winning 21 out his last 23 EXCLUSIVE RELEASE Free Picks!! Make sure you ride this flaming cloud to the bank as tonight Roarin Farts will be getting the geetus without compunction. Grab a life vest and get on the gravy boat as we sail these winners to a new land like Columbus did when Italy wanted Indian flavored marinara sauce!!
Going 7-0 in the NFL Last Week, Roarin Mac has done it again, going 2-0 in bases last night and cleaning up in pucks and soccer balls! THE MAC has something special brewing in the gambling underworld! THE MAC again will break the books.
After winning the MLB major play and the MLB early money release pick easily, the MAC had a back room NHL and MLS play that made the odds makers look amateur! The after shocks are still being felt in Vegas! Roarin Macs contacts in DC have signaled to HAMMER the MAN on tonight's World Series Game between the Washington Nationals and Houston Astros !! McGuillaman has a MAJOR PLAY ALERT for WEDNESDAY NIGHT BASEBALL and a late release 2 team NBA parlay bonus wager pick plus, a NHL FREE PICK, 2 Early Easy Money MMA plays, and a EARLY RELEASE NFL pick that will give you CCE!!
McGuillamans contacts in DC have signaled to hit the sportsbooks where it hurts, the line mistake on WORLD SERIES GAME 7 odds are as horrendous as Caitlyn Jenner's bathroom routines and Tonight Roarin Mac is going to take advantage of the easy opportunity to make cold cash like a Mexican coyote smuggler!!

(HOUSTON ASTROS OVER 7.5)
!!MAJOR PLAY ALERT!! FREE MLB PICK - (OCT 30) - (HOUSTON ASTROS OVER 7.5)
Free EXCLUSIVE MLB WORLD SERIES Pick (OCT 30)- (WASHINGTON NATIONALS +105)
The odds makers are making more mistakes this month than a politician in a whore house. The Nationals are 1 game away from winning a World Series and Trump is one allegation away from a jail cell. The ostensible rumor is Ex-Assistant GM Brandon Taubman was fired for disrespecting a Ted Cruz groupie and the vast amounts of concentrated MAGA piss coming from the National Park sewer system is intoxicating the Anacostia River. The winner of this series is just as guaranteed as Melania Trump's affair with Justin Trudeau. Make yourself more money than a Brandon Taubman wrongful termination lawsuit and take the (NATS ML +105)
!!EXCLUSIVE FREE PLAY!!
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CROWN JEWEL FREE PICK (OCT 31) - How Many F5’s Will Brock Lesnar give Cain Velasquez?
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(Wager Cut Off: 2019 31st December 11:00 AM)


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Wager cut off: 2020 1st January 12:59 AM
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Tides of Magic; Chapter 37

Chapter Select
Unsurprisingly, Hal wasn’t a fan of sporting events, and he quickly learned this extended to all tourney events. At least when Chris or Theo were taking part he had some stakes in the action, but most of it he found dreadfully boring. With nearly a week of events planned Hal had tried to bring some large scrolls to his seat to work on the design for the ramp he was planning to fit to Prometheus, but Diana stopped him. Said he should at least appear to be watching. He was allowed to send occasional messages, which was good because the guild’s stonesingers were now working on the new tower for the remnants of the Hidden Star. After Hal had explained the design of the tower, with various enchantments, they’d readily agreed. They’d even named the circle after their new tower, becoming the Circle of the Stolen Sky.
When the events finally ended for the day Hal had to hide his relief, managing to do so until he and Diana reached the keep of castle Prometheus. Another hour was spent in the workshop still trying fruitlessly to make a radio analog before he retired for dinner.
“Damnit, you’re early,” Diana said as Hal reached his private dining room, after a day of sitting and smiling he wasn’t really in the mood to sit and smile while he ate in the main hall. The mage was hunched over a small brazier repeatedly striking flint and steel. Hal wondered why she needed a fire, the entire castle was lit by enchanted lights of various kinds, and he was about to ask when he noticed several candles on the small table beside two plates of food.
“My virtual girlfriend feeling neglected?” He asked with a bit of a smile.
“A little,” she admitted, “it’s been big battles, racing around to find or save people, figured since we’re stationary for a bit the two of us could make the best of it. Also, you looked like you needed a pickup after watching the tourney all day.”
“Killing two creepers with one fire?” he grinned and the mage shook her head at the joke, “why not go down to the kitchen? They have a fire going there.”
“That would be admitting defeat,” she growled, striking the flint with the steel several more times, “I am a mage of fire, and a divine conduit of the mistress of flame. I shall not stoop to borrowing other’s flame.”
“And your staff?”
“Already tried it, it doesn’t actually set things on fire.”
“Shame you can’t snap your fingers and create fire, like your students can.”
“That exercise they do to focus their minds?” She asked, Hal nodded in response, “screw it, if they can cast spells without saying things, so can I.”
Hal smiled and leaned against the wall, deciding to humor her as she stood to face the table, dropping the flint and tinder. Diana took a long breath and closed her eyes, opening them she focused on the candle, held her hand out and, after another moment, snapped her fingers. Both of them froze when the candle lit. Nearly a minute passed with them staring alternately at the candle and each other. Without saying anything Diana turned slightly to focus on another candle, took a breath, snapped her fingers and that candle too lit.
“Explain,” she half demanded, looking over her shoulder at Hal.
“Uhhh,” he thought for a moment before responding, “hidden casting method? Elwin does like to hide things in his games. Maybe the machines can read our brains for intent, combined with an action and cause some minor effect?”
“Not just minor effects,” Diana’s eyes widened, “that’s how you killed that judgement. In your rage your mind was so focused that the computer read it as intent.”
“I didn’t have specific effects in mind though,” the knight argued, “I just wanted to kill it for hurting Ash, who I thought was dead.”
“They always say that your emotional state can effect your magic, maybe the focus and anger was all it needed. The system deciding you had enough of both to trigger the effect and took it from there?”
“And the locals don’t see the difference between casting methods, seeing the use of words and gestures as methods to focus one’s thoughts,” Hal added, then shrugged, “seems as reasonable as any explanation to me.”
“Before you run off to do tests, dinner,” Diana pointed at the table, now with all the candles lit.
“What are you doing?” Chris asked the next morning, approaching the training ground where Hal was standing in a typical warrior skill stance, 10 meters away from the dummy and glaring at it.
“Trying to activate a skill without saying the words,” Hal replied, shooting the champion a glare before returning to concentrating on the dummy.
“Maybe there needs to be an action,” Diana called from the sidelines, ignoring Chris, “I had to snap my fingers, maybe you should, I don’t know, swing your sword?”
“Worth a try,” the knight shrugged, resuming his stance.
“Shouldn’t you focus on min-maxing your abilities,” Chris grumbled, “this is a game after all.”
Hal and Diana ignored him, the former taking a moment to focus before lunging with his sword as though he had just completed the charge. Several attempts later he hadn’t made any progress.
“Why even practice?” Chris asked, pulling his spear out and walking over to a dummy. He took a halfhearted swing at it, the blade on the end of his weapon taking a decent chip out of the wood, “doesn’t matter how good your stance is, attacks do the same damage.”
Before Hal could respond something whistled past them and landed with a dull thud into the head of the dummy Chris had chosen. Eric walked over to them to retrieve the knife he had thrown, which was buried halfway into the wood.
“You need both,” the sniper said, “something Hal taught me when I first got here, you need to know how to throw a knife and how to activate a skill. Without one you’ll be beaten by someone who has both.”
“Really, jarhead?” Chris scoffed, trying to hide his surprise at the dagger that just flew past his head, “how much you wanna bet I could beat you with just game mechanics?”
“If I win you join our guild,” Eric responded instantly, pulling the knife from the target dummy and sheathing it with a showy spin.
“You guys are trying to get me to anyway,” Chris shrugged, “dangling those hippogriffs out as a prize, don’t think I hadn’t noticed. If I win you will treat me with the respect I deserve.”
“If you win, you’ll have earned it,” Eric replied motioning to the nearby training field. Once again, a ‘master of duels’ appeared out of nowhere, just like when Eric had challenged Hal, and promised to keep the duel non-lethal. As they both took their positions Eric removed his bow and quiver, tossing them on the ground. Both Hal and Diana paused experimenting to watch.
“You’re a sniper, don’t you think you’ll need that?” Chris asked lifting his spear.
“Nope,” Eric replied simply, entering a combat stance with both hands out with the ease of someone who’d spent years training. The duel master counted down and signaled them to start.
Chris made the first move, lifting his spear above his head and shouting activating a skill Hal recognized it from several of his bouts in the tourney as ‘warcry.’ Unique to Champions it drew attention from all enemies in range, applying a minor taunt and building the champion unique resource called glory.
“Charge,” Chris half shouted after brining the spear back down and began sprinting forward as the skill took over. As he came to a halt he thrust with the spear directly for Eric’s chest, the CIA operative easily dodged, pushing the spear to the side with one arm while slamming his other elbow into Chris’s chest. The champion stumbled slightly but remained standing.
“Right, you’re stronger than me in here,” Eric said dryly.
“If you want to surrender now then-,” Chris began to reply before being interrupted as Eric ducked under his spear, grabbing it and twisting it free of the other man’s grasp. With a practiced spin he struck Chris in the back of the knee with the butt of the weapon. The champion cried out in pain as his leg gave way.
“Your stance is bad though,” Eric explained as he spun the spear once more, stepping behind Chris and placing the tip of the weapon to the back of his neck, “Backstab.”
The weapon glowed briefly as the trickster skill activated. With one foot on Chris’s calf and the point of the spear, with skill ready, to his back Eric paused.
“I could kill you here,” Eric said, pressing the point of the weapon so it almost drew blood to emphasize his point. Chris froze for a moment before grumbling something Hal didn’t catch, but it had to be some form of supplication as the duel master called the match in Eric’s favor. The sniper removed the weapon, the skill timing out after a moment, before reaching out one hand to help Chris to his feet.
“Now what?” Chris growled when Eric refused to return his spear.
“Now,” Eric explained, stepping back and leveling the weapon, “I’m going to teach you how to do what I just did.”
“Wha- why?”
“Because you are part of Gordon’s Hope now. You know how to game, good, that’s half the process. Now I have to teach you to fight.”
“He spent several weeks showing me how to swing a sword,” Hal called from the sidelines.
“And me how to swing a staff,” Diana added with a smile.
“And they taught me how to game,” Eric finished, “now, we’ll do this slow the first few times.”
Hal and Diana left them to their training, exchanging pleased smiles with one another.
“Here I thought Theo was a good rival for him,” Hal explained later that day to the rest of his party as the Tourney continued on before them, “seems Eric was a better influence.”
“He didn’t seem any nicer at lunch,” Isabella replied, then admitted, “though he was quieter.”
“He doesn’t have to be nice; I’ve worked with plenty of dirtbags before. But he has to work with us.”
Meanwhile in the arena Theo was dancing around an opponent with a much larger weapon. The swashbuckler had quickly become a crowd favorite with his antics, at times it almost looked like he was toying with his enemies but that was just how swashbucklers worked. Still seemed to piss off whoever he was facing, something he was quite willing to exploit.
“Any luck finding new weapons?” Hal asked, glancing at Isabella.
“Diana and I teleported around a few larger towns in Ulyssar, found a bow that deals more damage at short range, scaling off my strength based on the identify spell,” the Beastmaster replied.
“That’s a good match for you,” the knight nodded, “you have decent base strength and tend to be at shorter range than Eric.”
“Oh, we found a couple things for him too,” Diana jumped in, suddenly remembering something, “specifically arrows that gain armor penetration the longer they’re in the air.”
“How many you get?”
“Around a hundred, I think. I was going to speak with Theylin, see if she can’t produce them in house for him. Be cheaper in the long run.”
“We thought it’d be funny to pair with his distance bow,” Isabella added.
“Seems like a fun combo,” Hal agreed, “more damage and armor pen at range, and bonus range. I should explore the stealth mechanics more, see if we could stack sneak attack crits on top.”
They were interrupted as the crowd let out a loud ‘ooo’ of sympathetic pain, looking up Theo’s antics had finally caught up with him and it seemed that while attempting to dance past his opponent again he’d been clotheslined by the stronger man. Theo tried to get to his feet but was forced to forfeit when the large Warhammer his enemy wielded was placed against his head, much to the disappointment of the crowd. Nonetheless they cheered when the swashbuckler gave an elaborate bow to the victor moments later.
“And then there was one,” Diana said.
“I was hoping for a climatic Theo vs Chris final battle,” Hal admitted, “but it seems the locals are not to be underestimated.”
“That’s one lesson to take from it,” replied Isabella with a laugh, “another is to not mess around so much in combat.”
Before long Theo joined the small group in the royal booth, responding to some good natured ribbing with grace, and a few self-deprecating jokes of his own. As he was getting settled in the next bout began, Hal didn’t recognize either combatant so he leaned back to spend another hour pretending to be interested. As he did so he caught a glimpse of a gem on his collar that was glowing, it was the invisible detection item he’d created. His breath caught in his throat, it had a short range, barely ten meters so whoever was triggering it was close.
Hal turned his head as though to look at whichever one of his friends was speaking at the time, but he tuned them out to listen behind himself while peering out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t hear anything over the clashing of weapons below and the various shouts and cheers of the crowd. The arena was hastily built, and the build quality has suffered somewhat, something the knight was instantly glad of when he saw one floorboard flex as though someone was carefully stepping on it, but no person was visible. Standing up fast enough to knock his chair over Hal got into a casting stance.
“Shockwave,” he half shouted, the dark blue runes appearing around his outstretched hand and moments later discharging a wave of energy down the short hallway leading out the back of the booth. He was grateful no servant had chosen that moment to walk behind him as the blast of energy ripped down the hall, wall mounted banners and tapestries shook and several were torn from their hangers. But what held Hal’s attention was the clearly caught off guard men who appeared, their invisibility spell disrupted, and several of them falling onto their backs as the spell caught them mid step.
“Blade Call,” at level twenty blade call had improved so the weapon no longer flew to his hand but simply appeared in it, materializing in a pulse of blue light. One of the assassins, and there was no other word Hal could apply to them, charged, brandishing a pair of wickedly curved knives. His face twisted in surprise as Spero-Arcanis cut through the dagger he’d placed to parry Hal’s attack, the look became shock and pain as the weapon continued through his arm, black leather armor, torso and out the other side.
The rest of the group was only just starting to react as Hal jumped over the still breathing corpse of the first assassin to attack the second. All four of the men were dressed identically in black leather that was embroidered in a deep red forming barely visible glyphs and runes. In the back of his mind Hal recognized the largest of the symbols as that of the warmaster, a hand reaching upwards towards a flame. But he had more pressing matters as the second assassin dodged the thrust of the knight’s great weapon. With a spin and twist twin cuts appeared in Hal’s side, the assassin danced past to reach the others of the guild but was met with a barrage of fire spells. Hal ignored the burning pain in his side, focusing on the three remaining assassins, wishing he’d worn at least a light chain shirt under his tunic.
Hal started a thrust at the next man in line, only to pull back and reverse it into a slash when the legion rogue dodged. The body hadn’t hit the ground when Hal was forced to parry a double slash from the third assassin.
“Diana’s been poisoned!” he heard Croft shout form behind him, confirming in his mind that the burning pain in his side where he’d been cut wasn’t just from the wounds themselves.
“Cure her!” the knight shouted back, pushing the assassin he was tangled with back and trying to land a quick slash but missing as the skilled assassin moved with the push and flipped back out of reach just in time to avoid the attack.
“You’re poisoned too!”
“Save her!” Hal bellowed, charging forward as a cluster of arrows from Isabella’s bow took out the rearmost assassin. The knight entered into a complex exchange of blows with the remaining two assassins, parrying, dodging or just tanking their attacks. No more arrows came, the beast master unable to get a shot around the rapidly moving melee. And in the enclosed space of the royal booth she couldn’t reposition to get a better angle.
“Avatar of Arcane Might,” Hal growled as he thought he spotted an opening to cast, still taking another cut on his shoulder as he returned to fighting after casting. Long snakes of blue lightning danced up his body as the spell burnt through the arcane potential he’d built up. The man who’d just cut him didn’t get away, underestimating Hal’s speed with the spell active, the legendary blade cutting clean through his body. Excess energy from the attack lashed out at the wooden structure behind him, leaving deep furrows where Hal’s blade hadn’t even touched.
The final assassin turned to run, fleeing in panic down the hallway. Hal pushed off with one foot, the world blurring past him. The best way he could describe using arcane avatar was trying to hit a target with a baseball bat when traveling at highway speeds. He timed the attack right, the dark blade reducing the legion assassin to a pile of so many limbs, but, possibly distracted by the pain, Hal failed to stop in time. He glanced off the side of the hallway, his sword cutting through the wood and cloth tapestries even as Hal struggled to regain control. He planted his foot, coming to a sudden and seemingly inertia-less stop through the logic of the spell. The attack, however, continued a short distance, curving up the wall and across the ceiling before stopping.
“Dismiss Avatar,” Hal said carefully, not wanting to move again with the spell going. Once the lightning had vanished he turned and limped back towards the booth. Diana was on the ground breathing heavily while Croft tended to her, the ranger skill to cure poison controlling his movements as he applied herbs, bandages and dabs of water seemingly at random.
“I’ll get to you next,” Croft assured him, not looking up from his work.
“I knew I should have gotten that skill too,” Isabella cursed herself, rummaging through her pack for a moment before pulling out a potion and tossing it to Hal who barely caught it, “anti-toxin, should keep you up till Croft’s finished.”
Hal nodded and downed the foul tasting potion before casting greater reinforce body on himself which, if he remembered correctly, also gave a bonus to poison resistance. Dropping Spero-Arcanis on the small drink table he half collapsed onto the ground to wait his turn. He fumbled to pull his slate out, Theo and Isabella covering the hallway incase any more assassins appeared. Finding the party page he was relieved to see that Ash and Pearce’s health bars were both full, while Eric was ‘out of range.’
His health bar, however, was getting perilously small. Poisons did damage, they’d found, but also reduced max health until they were cured making simply healing less effective and even killing the target eventually if not dealt with. Hal knew this well, having spent several hours researching poisons after the death of Gordon.
“Burning cure,” a soft voice said besides him, and a light blue flame seemed to burst from the knight’s wounds. Looking up Diana was back on her feet, a look of deep concern in her eyes even as her spell burnt away at the poison in his system. Croft was staring at his own slate, willing the natural cure ranger skill to cooldown faster. Burning cure undid some of the max health damage done by the poison but didn’t cure it. It was a race between his slowly ticking down heath and Croft’s cooldown, which, if Hal remembered, wasn’t that long. If it was short enough, however, he didn’t know.
“Diana,” he gasped, reaching for her hand, pulling her down to sit beside him. She held his hand and looked him in the eyes trying to smile, as though everything would be fine, but he knew her well enough to see she was holding back tears. He pulled her closer, “if I don’t make it-.”
“You’ll make it,” she replied in a voice that, despite her attempts, cracked with emotion.
“I love you,” Hal whispered just for her, tears began to flow from her eyes as her false smile faltered. Before she could reply Croft grabbed the knight by the shoulder and pushed him onto his back.
“Natural cure,” the druid said, his hands beginning to move to remove the toxin. Relief flooded Diana’s face, once the skill started the effects of the poison were paused until it was either interrupted or completed. Croft smirked as he began the process of curing Hal, “we’ll get you back on your feet soon enough Romeo.”
“You can’t just drop that bomb on me like that?” Diana half shouted later that evening, “not while you’re dying!”
After the assassins were dealt with and Hal cured of the poison, they had secured the area, finding the two guards to the royal booth dead, throats slit with the same daggers their attackers had used. No other assassins had been discovered, whether that meant they got away or there weren’t any more they had no idea. A few civilians were found dead a couple floors down on the stairs, presumably they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Once they felt reasonably safe they began the investigation. Croft was casting every divination spell he knew on whatever he could think of that might give information. Pearce had begun asking his minstrel network, seeing if he couldn’t trace the assassins back to how they got into the nation. The most upset from the attack was, oddly, Sir Ade who considered the attack on Hal a personal affront to the Promethium Knights. He’d asked Hal for permission to expand the small order to a couple dozen, promising to take care of the vetting and training of each man to join. The tourney had been paused for an hour or so, but Hal insisted it resume same day, unwilling to let a failed attack disrupt the event. He had readily agreed to move to Prometheus for the rest of the day, just in case.
Now he stood atop his tower over the main keep of the floating castle with Diana, getting chewed out for some reason.
“I didn’t want to die without saying it,” Hal replied.
“And what if you did die? What would that do to me?” She insisted, “If you’d said it before hand, and simply wanted it to be your last words that’s one thing, but just dropping that on me in that moment?”
“I’ll remember that next time I’m dying in the arms of the woman I love,” the knight said dryly.
“Good,” the mage grumbled, folding her arms and collapsing in the chair next to Hal. After a moment of silence, she continued, “you don’t want to know my response?”
“If you’re willing to tell me, or you could save it for when you’re dying to punish me.”
“Tempting,” the mage said, then once again spent a long time silent, “but I feel the same way. I don’t know when it happened, at first, I just thought you were a nice guy I could find some companionship in. But now… yes, I love you too.”
Hal smiled in response, taking her hand in his.
“I’m not good at this emotional stuff,” Hal admitted after another long silence.
“Me either,” Diana agreed, “change the topic before we both feel super awkward?”
“I was planning to start construction on the loading ramp for Prometheus today,” the knight replied, “probably give the go ahead tomorrow now though.”
“How will it even work? One hell of a ramp to reach this height.”
“It’ll only be thirty or forty feet long, after it extends.”
“That won’t be enough to reach the ground, unless you’ve got some magical shenanigans planned.”
“No shenanigans, though I do have to add another scrying point to the main console,” Hal replied, “I plan to simply land Prometheus in a river or lake when we need to use the ramp.”
“That’s… why didn’t we think of that sooner?”
“Cause we’re stupid?” Hal offered with a smile, “it’s actually surprisingly common in engineering, people think of increasingly complex answers to a question that has a stupidly simple solution. Assembly lines are simpler than cottage industries once you understand it. Jet engines have one moving part, while internal combustion engines have dozens if not hundreds.”
“So… the answer to moving men and supplies between a magical floating castle and the ground is… a non-magical drawbridge?” asked Diana.
“Pretty much, although I do plan to use some strengthening enchants on the bridge, just to ensure it holds.”
“But just chains and winches to raise or lower it?”
“Got some stone singers to alter the gatehouse to handle the bridge. That’ll be the hardest part of the construction, apparently singing enchanted super hard stone is difficult. And most of the singers, including master Janel, are at the stolen sky tower construction site.”
At that moment a couple servants, escorted by a paranoid Sir Ade, walked out onto the tower top, platters of food and drink in hand. Between the sunset, food and company it ended up a nice evening, despite the attack.
Chris had been doing well in the tourney thus far, all things considered. He’s easily secured the win in the melee against a knight errant named Sir Thompson. Considering the level advantage he’d had it was hardly fair, and unlike Theo he was taking it very seriously. His use of superior strength, skills and knowledge of game mechanics had beaten the much older knight down within a minute, to the chagrin of the audience. But there was a reason the winner would the person with the most points between both the melee and joust. It was partly because that’s how things were done on Tiadas and partly because the kingdom was starting an order of mounted knights, so prowess in the saddle was a must. At least, that’s what they told Chris, and while true the final reason was they were trying to challenge him.
He’d spent the days leading up to the tourney learning to joust with Eric, several knights of the Promethium Order offered to help, but were rejected. Probably a mistake seeing as Eric had only slightly more experience with jousting than Chris but it was his choice. Despite the lack of experience he’d done well in the first rounds of the joust, some passive champion skills assisting him with a lance as they did his normal spears. Later rounds he’d struggled, muddling through with some wins on points rather than straight victory despite his level advantage.
All of which lead to this, the semi-final match of the joust. Once again Sir Thompson was his opponent, and the crowd loved the rematch and revenge story the announcers were spinning. Both men kneed their horses into the first pass of the match, and it was clear early on that Thompson had Chris beat on technique, saving lowering his lance for the right moment while the champion was mostly relying on his raw strength.
The crowd held its collective breath as both lances made contact with their opposite, but while Chris leaned into the attack Thompson tilted his shield out, deflecting the blow away while his own slammed into Chris’ shield, showering the pitch in a hail of splinters as the lance broke. Thompson played to the cheering, holding the shattered lance aloft while a squire got him a replacement.
Chris, on the other hand, looked pissed as he righted himself in his saddle, angrily grabbing a new lance while wheeling his horse around. Again, both horses broke into a gallop at the urging of their riders, thundering down the hard-packed dirt. This time the lances themselves hit one another, the blunted tips bouncing off one another with a muffled crack. Chris used his greater strength to full effect, keeping the lance on target while Thompson nearly lost his grip on his own weapon. This meant it was Chris’s turn to shatter a lance on his opponents shield, adding to the plethora of wood fragments that had built up on the track despite the best efforts of the cleaners.
Near as Hal could tell this tied the score, leaving both men with one pass in their favor. The third and final pass would decide the match, at least that’s what Hal had been told. Apparently if it ended in a tie they would make up to another three passes till a winner emerged. After that Hal had no idea what happened, no match had gone that far.
Both riders lined up on the track, Thompson lifting his new lance in salute to Chris who halfheartedly returned the gesture. Clearly playing to the crowd Thompson pulled his horse into rearing while lifting his lance high as the final pass began. It was easy to tell that both men were completely focused, and the crowd was dead silent, leaving the pounding of hooves to echo around the stadium unopposed.
Like the first pass both of their lances hit, but there was a critical difference that Hal barely caught as it happened. Chris’s lance hit his opposite’s shield while Thompson landed his in the middle of Chris’s breastplate. Despite the curving of the armor he kept the lance wedged as the movement of the horses lifted Chris from his saddle. The wood of the weapon finally gave way to an explosion of splinters, followed closely with the dull thud of a man hitting the ground.
The crowd erupted in cheers, the underdog had come back to win in the end. What’s more Thompson demounted his horse and went to help Chris to his feet, while any words between them were lost to the roar of the crowd. All Hal saw was Chris stomping from the field.
There were two more matches before the tourney ended, the last semi-final and the winner of that match against Thompson. Winning the final bout Thompson came away with a second and first place finish, putting him above Chris’s first and third place. That left Chris at second overall, though he turned down to join the new knightly order which was to be lead by Sir Thompson. Hal only hoped the other player wouldn’t fall into a pit of despair after this. But the next order of business was the raid and Hal didn’t have time for much else.
“Not much of a tower,” Eric said as they walked up to the large spire of stone, in a field of smaller stone spires, all of which looked like natural formations with no pattern.
“There’s a reason they called it the circle of the hidden star,” Hal replied, the pointed to several surrounding stones, “supposedly these spires form a solar calendar of sorts. The first mages of the circle carved them out to look natural, including the surrounding field of them.”
Field was an understatement, as the veritable forest of spires stretched out in all directions like a god had dropped massive stone needles everywhere. The tallest was nearly a hundred feet from base to tip, and was supposedly marked the main tower.
“So, how do we get in?”
“There’s no direct entrance to the main spire, apparently,” Diana said, “we’ll have to find the entrance to one of the other spires, then brave the labyrinth to reach it.”
“Labyrinth?” Isabella asked.
“And underground maze that serves as the only physical entrance to many of the spires, normally they just teleport or gate in. Back when the circle still controlled the tower anyways. They wanted a back way they could use without magic, but wanted to keep it secure. Therefore, labyrinth.”
“It was also filled with illusions designed to mislead people,” Hal added, “though it’s unlikely those are still around.”
“That’ll make it easier to navigate,” Theo commented, “though I’m guessing some monsters moved in since.”
“Once we find an entrance to the Labyrinth, we won’t be leaving till we find the tomes and scrolls we need,” Hal added unnecessarily, “but we have no leads on which spires have external entries, right?”
“Correct,” Diana nodded.
“Well, let’s make use of our new hippogriffs, teams of two at a minimum. If you find an entrance to a tower send us all a message, don’t go in without the full raid. I’ve no idea what we’ll find inside.”
“So long as it isn’t a bloody Minotaur,” Croft grumbled loudly, “that cliché is worn out.”
“Unless one moved in since, unlikely,” Hal agreed, “I don’t even know if they’re native to this region.”
“They aren’t,” Chris said in a flat voice, already moving to mount his own hippogriff. After loosing the joust he’d been distant, moreso than normal. Hal still hoped he’d bounce back, and considered it a good indication that he was still showing up to train with Eric daily.
“They’re native to the islands south of the coastlands,” he continued, “one would have to cross the entire world to get here.”
“Call it a low chance of minotaur then,” Hal said dryly, “well, let the search begin!”
((Hope everyone enjoys, no bonus lore this week, been a long week for me. Feel free to bother me about this on discord, where I should be on most days. Chapter 38 is up on Patreon for a buck a month. As always, feel free to comment below.
Map by thegurw ))
submitted by Arceroth to HFY [link] [comments]

George helps his girlfriend swap her smoking habit for a chewing gum habit, but then wants to swap her back when she’s constantly chewing. Kramer dresses in drag to become the “secret weapon” of NYC’s top all-women roller derby team. Jerry and Elaine bet over whose date is stupider. [Plot Inside]

[SCENE: George is sitting in the movie theater with his girlfriend Kelly.]
George munches on popcorn. Kelly gets up and starts to climb over George to leave.
George: (whispering) You’re leaving?
Kelly: (whispering) I’m just going to have a quick smoke.
George: (whispering) What? Now? The movie is just getting interesting.
Kelly: (whispering) You can catch me up on it.
George: (whispering) I can’t do that! Then I’ll have to stop watching —
Kelly: (whispering) I’ll be right back.
Kelly leaves George alone in the theater. George looks visibly upset as he sits by himself watching the movie.
[SCENE: George and Kelly are eating at a diner after the movie is over.]
George: I thought it was really interesting how they ended up making Grace the killer instead of the dad.
Kelly: Mhm. I guess.
George: What? You didn’t like the movie?
Kelly: I don’t know. It was okay I guess. Can we talk about something else?
George: Sure, I just thought it would be nice to talk about the movie we just saw together.
Kelly: I don’t want to talk about the movie. Plus, I don’t understand why she would want to kill her brother anyway.
George: You would know that if you didn’t keep leaving to go smoke!
Kelly: George! You know I’m trying to quit. Look, let’s just change the subject. What else is new?
George: Uhh. Well...
Kelly: Come on, there must be something interesting going on in your life.
George: Uhm. Oh, I tried a new brand of paper towels. Not a fan. It’s like they are all half-sized pieces. What ever happened to the full-sized paper towels? Now I have to rip off two pieces every time.
Kelly: Paper towels? Seriously?
George: You haven’t noticed that they have been shrinking the size of the paper towels?
Kelly: As a matter of fact, I have. I just think there must be better conversation topics than paper towels.
George takes another bite of his sandwich and looks down at his plate. They sit quietly in an awkward silence.
[SCENE: Jerry is on a date with his girlfriend Mindy. They are touring the Statue of Liberty.]
Jerry: This was a great idea. I haven’t done anything touristy in a long time.
Mindy: Yeah, totally. I’ve always admired the real people in Times Square so it’s fun to see the statue.
Jerry: The real people?
Mindy: Yeah, you know. The real liberty ladies.
Jerry: You mean the people dressed up in Times Square who take pictures with tourists?
Mindy: Yeah. It’s so cool that they got their own statue made of them. And such a big one, too.
Jerry: Mindy, I hate to break it to you, but the statue came first. This big statue here was not erected to honor the people wearing costumes in Times Square. They started dressing that way to mimic the statue.
Mindy: What? Really? So then what is this big statue here for then?
Jerry: Well, it used to be here for immigration purposes. You know, telling the world “give me your tired, poor, huddled masses.”
Mindy: So the statue was put here to ask other countries to send us their poor people?
Jerry: No, no. We don’t want them to be poor. It’s just saying that America welcomes everyone.
Mindy: Huh. Weird.
Jerry rolls his eyes.
[SCENE: Elaine is on a date with her boyfriend Aaron. He took her to play laser tag.]
Elaine walks around the laser tag course holding her laser gun backwards. Then, Aaron pops out from behind a wooden fence and shoots Elaine’s laser sensor causing it to beep loudly signaling her elimination.
Aaron: Boom! Gotcha. Babe, you are holding this wrong.
Aaron flips around her laser gun.
Elaine: Oh, okay. Thanks. Yeah, you got me.
Aaron: Isn’t this exciting? It’s like we’re in a real battle.
Elaine: Is it over now?
Aaron: Well, that round yeah. But I paid for us to play ten more rounds! We can spend all night here!
Elaine: (faking a smile) Great.
Next we see a montage of Elaine playing laser tag with Aaron. Elaine looks increasingly disinterested as each round goes by. Aaron keeps popping out and yelling “Boom!” each time he eliminates Elaine. Elaine gets annoyed and starts shooting her own sensor to eliminate herself before Aaron can.
Aaron: (popping out from hiding and firing his laser) Boom!
Elaine: (pointing at her sensor) Already dead.
Aaron: Oh, dang. I thought I got you again.
[SCENE: George and Jerry are hanging out at Jerry’s apartment.]
George: And get this, she wouldn’t let me talk about the movie!
Jerry: Not even a little post movie debrief?
George: Not even a tiny little debrief. It’s rude. Everyone knows you always discuss how you liked the movie. It’s the whole reason I go on movie dates. Guaranteed conversation starter.
Jerry: There should always be at least a little post-movie debrief. It’s common practice.
Jerry’s apartment buzzer rings. It’s Elaine and he tells her to come on up.
George: That’s what I’m saying! And without being able to talk about the movie I panicked and couldn’t come up with anything else to talk about. It ruined the whole date.
Jerry: You had nothing else queued up?
George: I tried bringing up paper towels, but it was a bust.
Jerry: I can’t imagine why paper towels weren’t a big hit.
Elaine walks in and looks upset. She walks right up to Jerry and smacks him on the chest. She tries to smack George also but he flinches so she stops.
Elaine: (angrily) Why are all of you such idiots?!
Jerry: Whoa, whoa. What are we talking about?
Elaine: Men. Are you all just completely stupid?
Jerry: Not all of us. Not completely.
Kramer barges into Jerry’s apartment. He is wearing roller skates and he skates his way into the kitchen.
Elaine: (nodding toward Kramer) Case in point.
Jerry: Kramer, what are you doing?
Kramer: (pointing to his skates) Oh, these babies? I picked them up at a thrift store.
Jerry: There’s no skating allowed in here.
Kramer: No skating?
Jerry: My apartment is a no skating zone.
Kramer: But, Jerry! C’mon! It’s the most efficient way to get around!
Jerry: Either the skates go or you go.
Kramer grumbles and then reluctantly starts taking his skates off.
Elaine: Anyway, the conclusion is that all men are idiots. I went on this awful date with this guy (mimicking an idiot voice) Aaron. He was such a dope. He took me to play laser tag! Like we were 15 years old!
George: Laser tag is no good for a date? I would play laser tag.
Jerry: That I would like to see.
Elaine: Well, it’s over with Aaron. I’m not going to go out with him again. I had such high hopes, but he turned out to be just another idiot.
Jerry: Hey, in our defense, I also recently went out with someone stupid.
Elaine: So? It’s not the same. I thought guys liked bimbo girls?
Jerry: I wouldn’t say that. There’s a fine line. Men are just able to tolerate a fair amount of stupid if she has good looks and pays attention to us. But if you cross too far on the stupid side of the line, it’s a no go.
George: I agree with Jerry. Mediocre stupid is okay if she’s attractive and she likes me.
Jerry: Same with being smart. Slightly smart is good. Too smart is no good. It’s intimidating.
Kramer: I disagree. I like my women to be very smart. Much smarter than me.
Kramer wildly struggles to get his foot out of the roller skate because it’s too tight on him.
Elaine: Well, you buffoons could still run circles Aaron. Jerry, there’s no way your bimbo chick was worse.
Jerry: Oh I don’t know about that. Mindy didn’t know why the Statue of Liberty existed. She thought it was erected to honor the people dressed as her in Times Square!
George: So you’re calling it off with her?
Jerry: Absolutely. She was too far on the stupid spectrum.
Elaine: Well, my guy was way farther on the stupid spectrum than your girl. He’s way way out there. The spectrum can’t contain him!
Jerry: Oh, I don’t think so. Mindy is at the farthest possible point on the stupid spectrum. Any farther and she falls off.
Kramer: How about an experiment? You know, pit them against each other and see who wins.
Kramer still struggles to take off his roller skates.
Elaine: Mindy would be a rocket scientist compared to Aaron.
Jerry: Well, how about it then? Should we put our money where our mouth is? Let’s put them to the test.
Elaine: How would that work, exactly?
Kramer: (snapping his fingers) Oh! I’ve got it. How about you all go on a double date and then you two give them a puzzle? Whoever solves it faster is smarter.
Jerry: I suppose that could work. But what kind of puzzle could we give them on a double date?
George: The tip!
Elaine and Jerry (simultaneously): The tip?
George: People are bad at calculating the tip. Split the bill the make them come up with the tip amount. Have them each come up with 10 percent of their half.
Jerry: 10 percent? It should be at least 15 percent.
Elaine: I’m game if you are, Jerry. How about we bet a hundred bucks?
Jerry: (shaking Elaine’s hand) You’re on. It’s a bet.
Elaine: I can’t believe I have to go out with that idiot again. But it will be worth it to prove that once and for all that guys are the bigger idiots. How about you, George? Want to bring Kelly along to make it a triple date?
George: Nah, I don’t think so. She’s driving me crazy. Every where we go she always has to be smoking! Every date we go on is ruined because I spend at least thirty minutes by myself while she goes outside to smoke.
Jerry: Maybe she would quit if you got her some nicotine patches?
George: Nah, she’s tried that. The addiction is too strong.
Kramer finally breaks his foot free from the roller skate. Everyone plugs their nose as they get a whiff of Kramer’s smelly feet.
Jerry: Kramer, on second thought you better put that back on.
Kramer slips the skate back on his foot.
Kramer: George, maybe you can help her perform an addiction swap.
George: An addiction swap?
Kramer: You can quit one addiction cold turkey as long as you swap in another thing.
George: And this works?
Kramer: Oh yeah. I’ve seen it work first hand.
Elaine: I’ve heard of that technique. Like you get the person to replace cigarettes with chewing gum or something right?
Kramer: Yeah, that’s right.
George: And you guys really think this could work?
Kramer: Absolutely. Without a doubt.
Jerry: (shrugging) It’s worth a shot. Chewing gum should be much more tolerable than smoking.
[SCENE: Kramer is roller skating out of a grocery store with a bag of oranges.]
Kramer starts roller skating down the sidewalk with his bag of oranges swaying side to side. Suddenly the bag gets caught on a lamp post, causing Kramer to drop the bag and start flailing trying to try and catch his balance.
Kramer goes careening forward, struggling to keep his balance, right toward a big biker gang. A bunch of large angry looking biker dudes see him coming, but it’s too late and they can’t get out of the way in time. Kramer crashes into a slew of people and knocks them all over. Kramer manages to not fall on the ground.
Kramer: (talking to the biker dudes he knocked to the ground) Sorry! Sorry. My mistake.
A biker chick walks up to Kramer.
Biker chick: That was radical! You just plowed through my buddies without breaking a sweat.
Kramer: Oh, yeah, I guess so.
Biker chick: It’s a shame you’re not a woman. We could use someone like you on our roller derby team.
Kramer: Roller derby?
Biker chick: Yeah, it’s a sport. You roller skate around a track and try to block the other team’s players. We’re the best team in New York City.
Kramer: But it’s just for women?
Biker chick: Our league is, yeah. And it’s a real shame. Because it pays big bucks and a skater of your caliber would do really well. If you have any female friends who skate like you do, send them our way.
The biker chick hands Kramer a flier print out with the details of the roller derby team. The flier says that they are holding tryouts and the new team member would earn $1000 per game.
[SCENE: George and his girlfriend are at his apartment watching tv.]
Kelly: I’m going to go have a smoke.
George: Wait! Wait. I have something for you. Maybe you can try this instead of smoking.
Kelly: George, we’ve been over this already. The patch didn’t work for me.
George rummages through his pockets. He pulls out a pack of Juicy Fruit gum and holds it out to give it to Kelly.
Kelly: Juicy Fruit? They make nicotine gum now?
George: No, no. It’s not nicotine gum. It’s regular gum.
Kelly: How is this supposed to help?
George: My friend said that his friend was able to quit smoking by replacing it with chewing gum. Every time you want a smoke, instead you grab a Juicy Fruit.
Kelly: Your friend’s friend?
George: Yeah, just give it one try, will you please? It’s worth a shot.
Kelly: All right. Give me that.
Kelly snatches the pack of gum from George’s hand and starts to unwrap a piece.
Kelly: (putting the gum into her mouth and starting to chew it) I doubt this will work.
[SCENE: 15 minutes later.]
Kelly: (chomping on the gum loudly and with her mouth open) I’ve gotta say, George. You might be right here! I’ve lost the craving.
George: Really? No more craving.
Kelly: (chomping loudly) Not yet at least. If this works, I’ll be chewing a lot more Juicy Fruit!
Kelly chomps the gum and makes loud chewing noises. George looks grossed out at her loud and open-mouthed chewing.
George: Well, I don’t know if the results are conclusive yet. It’s only the very first time. You’re supposed to slowly replace your cigarette habit over time.
Kelly: (chewing) Yeah well, I’ve never had a craving go away before. I’m digging this Juicy Fruit. I’m going to chew this all the time!
[SCENE: Jerry and Mindy are on their double date with Elaine and Aaron. They are finishing eating entrees at a restaurant.]
Jerry: Well, that was a delicious meal.
Elaine: I agree, this place was really nice.
Jerry: (talking to the server) May we have the check please?
Server: Sure, one check or split it?
Jerry: (sheepishly) Two please. One per couple.
The waiter hands Jerry the check.
Elaine: Aaron, I’ve got to run to the ladies room. Do you mind figuring out the right tip amount?
Aaron: Uh, sure. I can do that.
Elaine: What do you think, Jerry, is fifteen percent a good tip? What were you going to leave?
Jerry: Fifteen percent is perfect! I actually have to run to the men’s room myself. Mindy, would you be able to help me figure out a fifteen percent tip?
Mindy: Sure, no problem!
Elaine and Jerry walk away toward the restrooms. They crouch down behind some decorative plants in the restaurant and observe Mindy and Aaron from afar.
Elaine: (whispering) There’s no way Aaron is going to figure this out. You’re about to owe me a hundred bucks.
Jerry: (whispering) We’ll see about that.
Elaine and Jerry watch as Mindy and Aaron both look down at their checks. They look perplexed as they try to figure out their tips.
Elaine: What happens if neither one manages to do anything?
Jerry: Then it’s a tie I guess.
Mindy starts to write something down on the check.
Elaine: Hah! See, Mindy just wrote something down. I win!
Jerry: Now hold on just a minute. We agreed that speed was the tie breaker. First we have to see which one gets it right. If they both get it right, then Mindy was first so I lose. But if Aaron gets it right and Mindy doesn’t, you lose.
Elaine: Alright, alright. Just wait and see.
Some more time passes while Aaron keeps staring at his check not writing anything down. He uses his fingers to fiddle with some leftover beans on his plate.
Elaine: Still holding out?
Jerry: Look, he’s using the beans to count. He’s got himself a makeshift abacus.
Elaine: Oh, please. He’s just playing with his food.
Jerry: He’s putting in a lot more thought than Mindy. She probably got it wrong and he’s taking his time to come up with the right answer.
Aaron grabs the pen.
Aaron: (talking to Mindy) Hey, what did you come up with for fifteen percent? I’m pretty bad at math.
Mindy: Oh, no worries. I just put down fifteen percent, see?
Mindy holds up the check to show Aaron. The camera shows the check and we see that Mindy has literally written “15%” on the tip line.
Aaron: Oh, you can just write in the percent like that?
Mindy: Yeah, I always do that.
Aaron: Sweet. I never knew that.
Mindy: Wow, really? It’s common knowledge.
The camera switches back to Jerry and Elaine squatting in their hiding spot observing.
Elaine: Aaron copied off of Mindy! Mindy is the winner. Aaron is officially stupider.
Jerry: Neither one wrote down an actual dollar amount. The test was inconclusive.
Elaine: Inconclusive? Aaron cheated. It proves he is stupider.
Jerry: It means he was smart enough to come up with a creative solution.
[SCENE: Kramer is dressed in drag and he shows up at the roller derby tryouts.]
Kramer is wearing a short skirt and a wig with pig tails as he walks into the roller derby stadium. He walks up to the same biker chick he ran into out on the street.
Biker chick: Here for the tryouts?
Kramer: (using a high pitched female voice) Yes. I’d like to skate on the team. It pays $1000, right?
Biker chick: Hah, yeah it does. But you’re getting a little ahead of yourself there sister. You’ve gotta prove that you can skate with some of the most badass chicks in New York City.
Kramer: I’ll do my best.
Biker chick: Alright, let’s get you out on the track and see how you hold up. What’s your name?
Kramer: Cosma. Cosma Kramer.
Biker chick: Cosma? That’s a cool name. See you out there.
Kramer joins a group of other women who are all trying out for the roller derby team. The tryouts run them through several drills including laps around the track and practice blocking and shoving the other women.
Kramer shoves the tough women around and starts to shine during the tryouts after a few drills. Whenever he gets shoved, he flails around wildly but always manages to catch his balance again. The biker chick makes eye contact with him and gives him a thumbs up.
Biker chick: (talking softly to herself while watching the skaters) Looking good Cosma. Looking good.
[SCENE: We see a montage of clips of George out on dates with Kelly.]
George and Kelly get ice cream together. Kelly chews gum the whole time and only takes out her gum long enough to take a bite from her ice cream cone then she puts it back in her mouth. George is disgusted and can’t finish eating his cone.
George and Kelly go to a fancy art showing. There is a sign up front that says no food, no drinks, and no chewing gum. George points out the sign to her, but Kelly shrugs it off and keeps chewing anyway.
George and Kelly are at home laying in bed watching tv. Kelly blows bubble gum bubbles that pop loudly and distract him from the tv show.
George: Do you have to do that now? I’m watching the game here.
Kelly: Would you rather I go back to smoking?
George: No, no. Of course not. I just thought maybe you could dial back the gum chewing a little bit.
Kelly: I can’t do that, George. I have to keep chewing or else my cigarette cravings come back.
Kelly blows another bubble again. It almost hits the side of George’s face as it pops. George looks annoyed as he tries to watch tv.
[SCENE: Jerry and George are hanging at Jerry’s apartment.]
George: Chewing gum! I can’t believe I listened to you.
Jerry: Me?
George: You were all convincing me to have her swap habits!
Jerry: Don’t blame me. This was all your doing.
George: Well it’s much worse than smoking! At least with smoking I would get some alone time once in a while she smoked. Now she’s always by my side making those obnoxious chewing noises.
George makes some pretend chewing gum noises.
Jerry: (interrupting) Okay, okay. I get the idea.
Jerry’s apartment buzzer rings. Jerry walks over and speaks into the buzzer system.
Jerry: Yeah?
Elaine: (voice over) It’s me. Let me up. You owe me a hundred bucks.
Jerry: I don’t owe you, but come on up.
Jerry presses the buzzer to let Elaine in.
George: You lost the bet? Did you make them calculate the tip?
Jerry: Yes, we tried the tip experiment. But neither one came up with anything.
George: What do you mean? They just left it blank?
Jerry: Worse. They both wrote down “fifteen percent.”
George: Does that work?
Elaine comes into Jerry’s apartment.
Jerry: No, that doesn’t work.
George: So the experiment was a bust?
Jerry: Afraid so. Results inconclusive.
Elaine: That’s a bunch of baloney. Aaron cheated and copied off of Mindy! That should immediately disqualify him.
George: I don’t know. Maybe that means he was smart enough to cheat?
Elaine rolls her eyes.
Elaine: You should have to pay me a hundred bucks just for enduring another evening with that genius.
Jerry: I thought it was kind of fun. It’s like we were scientists and they were our giant, stupid lab mice.
Elaine: (pausing to think) You’re right, that part was kind of fun.
Kramer barges into the apartment. He is still wearing his roller skates and his short skirt, but he isn’t wearing the wig. Jerry, George, and Elaine stare at Kramer in bewilderment.
Jerry: Kramer, is this how you dress to go skating around town? You know that’s a women’s skirt, right?
Kramer: Oh, I know. It’s part of my disguise. Check this out.
Kramer puts on the wig with pig tails. The Seinfeld studio audience hoots and hollers.
Elaine: Kramer, please tell me you don’t go out like that.
George: Disguise? What for?
Kramer: I joined a roller derby league. It’s for all women, but it pays $1000 per game.
George: Roller derby? Isn’t that where the tough chicks skate around and shove each other around the track?
Kramer points at George and snaps his fingers.
Kramer: Bingo. And “Cosma” is the new star player.
Kramer does a curtsy squat and twirl on his skates.
George: Hey, Kramer, you know that habit swap technique? Does it work in reverse?
Kramer: Reverse?
George: Yeah, I want to swap her back to smoking.
Elaine: That stupid idea actually worked?
George: Oh, it works alright. A little too well! Now she’s always chomping and gnawing at chewing gum. 24/7!
Elaine: But you can’t swap her back to smoking, can you? What about her health?
George waves her off dismissively.
George: Health, shmealth. All this gum chewing can’t be good for her health either. Her jaw is going to lock up. So, Kramer, how do I swap her back?
Kramer: Uhh. I don’t know, bud. I don’t think you can just swap back. You only get one swap.
George: Well I picked the wrong thing to swap in! Why couldn’t I have swapped in an addiction to baseball or cleaning the apartment?
Kramer: Or roller derby.
George: Kramer, this is serious.
Jerry: Yeah, Cosma. Why don’t you take your cross dressing on wheels elsewhere?
Kramer looks offended.
Kramer: It’s a real tough sport! You guys should all check it out. It’s my first big match this weekend.
Elaine: Hah, I wouldn’t be caught dead at the roller derby. Talk about a gathering of idiots. Even Aaron had a roller derby t-shirt.
Kramer snaps his fingers.
Kramer: The bet! Who won?
Jerry and Elaine: (simultaneously) Inconclusive.
Kramer: Why not bring them down to the roller derby match for one more test?
Jerry: I don’t know. Mindy probably doesn’t even know what roller derby is. We can’t give her any quizzes or puzzles there. Not fair.
George: No, it’s perfect! How about you take them both to the roller derby. Think about it. You’ll be surrounded by strange people and unusual sights.
Elaine: And?
George: The three strike rule. First person to make three objectively stupid remarks is the loser.
Jerry: How would we judge what qualifies as a stupid remark?
George: I can be the judge.
Jerry and Elaine look at each other and then they start laughing.
George: What? I know a dumb comment when I hear one.
Jerry: Oh, I don’t think so.
Elaine: Jerry, we’ll just have to mutually agree on which comment count as stupid.
Jerry: I would take that bet. Everything Mindy says is stupid!
Elaine: You’re on!
Kramer: Giddy up! You’re going to have a great time watching me skate.
[SCENE: George and his girlfriend Kelly are walking down the street.]
George sees a smoke shop on the corner of the street. As he and Kelly walk by the smoke shop, he bends down to tie his shoes.
Kelly: What is it?
George: Oh, it was my shoes. The laces were feeling loose.
George squats down and puts his hand against the glass window of the smoke store, right next to a big “Marlboro” sign.
George: Yep. Just gotta tighten these bad boys up.
Kelly blows a bubble gum bubble.
Kelly: Well, hurry up. I want to get home.
George stalls by tying his shoes really slowly. He tries to slyly motion her attention toward the smoke shop, but Kelly shows no interest and just keeps chewing her gum.
George sighs as he reluctantly gets up.
Kelly: (chewing gum as she talks) So what are you doing on Saturday?
George: Oh, I’m going down to the roller derby. My friend joined the team.
Kelly: Roller derby? I used to love going to watch roller derby. Can I come with?
George: Uhh... —
Kelly: Actually, on second though, never mind. I forget. They allow smoking in the stands there and it’s always filled with smokers. I shouldn’t be around that.
George looks excited.
George: You should come! We’ll keep you preoccupied with your chewing gum so you won’t be tempted by all the smoking. No big deal.
Kelly: Really? You think it’ll be okay?
George: Absolutely. What’s a little smoke in the air? You won’t even notice.
[SCENE: Kramer is at the roller derby practice before the big match.]
Kramer skates around the roller derby rink and aggressively shoves his way through the enemy team. His teammates look impressed.
Biker chick: Cosma, I’ve gotta say, you may just be our new secret weapon. I’ve never seen anyone skate like you.
Kramer: (using his high pitched female voice) Thank you.
A whistle blows. Practice is over and the women all skate off the court and start taking off their skates. They make small talk and then start heading for the locker rooms. Kramer follows along, but when he gets to the locker rooms he mistakenly starts walking to the men’s lockers.
Biker chick: Cosma? Where are you going?
Kramer: Huh?
Kramer looks up and realizes his mistake.
Kramer: Oh, silly me.
Biker chick: You sure are one oddball gal. But I like you, Cosma.
[SCENE: Kramer is in the women’s locker room with all of his teammates.]
At first Kramer tries to avert his eyes as the women start undressing. Then he allows himself to take a couple of peeks at the women in their underwear.
Kramer: (whispering under his breath) Yowza.
Kramer grabs his gym bag and sneaks away into the restroom stalls to change. The biker chick observes Kramer doing this and looks suspicious.
[SCENE: Jerry and Mindy, Elaine and Aaron, and George and Kelly all arrive at the roller derby match.]
They all start to find their seats in the stands.
George: (whispering to Jerry) Psst. Hey. Let’s sit over there.
George gestures toward a group of smokers.
Elaine: (overhearing George) I don’t want to sit over there. It’s full of people smoking.
George: (whispering) Shh. Keep it down. I need Kelly to be tempted until she breaks down.
Elaine: (whispering) That poor woman. She finally quits smoking and you’re gonna swap her back.
George: (whispering) She’ll be fine. We can swap it out again later.
Elaine: (whispering) Do you plan on marrying this woman?
Jerry: (no longer whispering) Hey, how about we all sit here?
Jerry motions to an area where there are open seats and a few smokers down on the end. George eagerly assists Kelly into a seat near the smokers. George sits one row up from Elaine and Jerry and their dates so that he and Kelly can be closer to the smokers
Mindy: Oo this is so exciting. I haven’t seen a roller derby match in forever.
Aaron: Yeah, me either. This gonna be the bomb! I love how aggressive it is.
Mindy: Good thing they wear the stuff to keep them safe. What are those called?
Jerry: What are what called?
Mindy: You know. Those pads that they wear on their knees and elbows.
Jerry: Elbow pads. And knee pads.
Mindy: Ohhhh yeah. Duh!
Jerry and Elaine make eye contact. George leans in from the row behind them and whispers in between Jerry and Elaine’s ears.
George: (whispering) One strike on Mindy.
Elaine: (whispering) Yeah, we know. Cool it. You’re not the judge, remember?
George: (whispering) I can be a good judge! I’m impartial.
Kelly: George, have you ever been roller skating? I think you would be good at it! You’re always so graceful:
Elaine: (whispering to George) Is Kelly playing? Because if she is, that would be a strike for her.
George: (whispering) She’s not playing!
Jerry: (whispering) I think she should play. She could be the underdog that comes out of nowhere for the win.
Elaine: (whispering) I agree. And since Jerry and I are the judges, we’ve decided that Kelly is playing now. And she has one strike.
George: (whispering loudly) She does not have one strike!
Kelly: What’s that Georgie?
George: Oh, nothing, nothing. I was just asking what they call the points in roller derby. Are they strikes? Goals?
Aaron: They just call it a point. You know, like a point.
Aaron points his finger at George.
Jerry and George fake a grin. Elaine does a face palm gesture.
Jerry: (whispering) And we’re all tied up at one strike.
Elaine: (whispering) Hold on. How is that a strike? Technically he was correct. It is called a point.
George: (whispering) But it has nothing to do with the finger point gesture.
Elaine: (whispering) Okay, fine, so half a strike then?
Jerry: (whispering) No half strikes. That’s a full strike.
[SCENE: Down on the roller derby rink, the match begins.]
The announcer calls out each of the team member’s names on Kramer’s team on by one. They each have a funny nickname.
Announcer: And finally, the newest member to the team: Cosma....the professor of pain!...Kramer!
The match begins and Kramer fulfills the role of a blocker on his team. He blocks the other team’s jammed and prevents her from scoring any points.
At one point during the jam period Kramer’s wig almost falls off. The biker chick sees it happen and starts to realize he is a man.
[SCENE: Back in the stands, the three couple pairs get up to get refreshments in between rounds.]
George follows Kelly over to a refreshment stand.
Kelly: (talking to the vendor) Do you have any gum?
George: Gum? You’re all out of Juicy Fruit?
Kelly: I guess so. I swore I had more in my purse but I can’t find it.
George: Oh, that’s a shame.
George smiles behind her back.
Vendor: Yeah, we have gum. You said you want some Juicy Fruit?
The vendor guy holds out some Juicy Fruit gum.
Kelly: Yes! That’s perfect!
George: You guys carry Juicy Fruit? Who buys that here?
Vendor: (shrugging) I dunno. You guys, apparently.
George and Kelly walk back to their seats. They walk past a group of smokers.
George: I’m sorry you had to see that.
Kelly: See what?
George: The smokers.
Kelly: Oh, no worries Georgie. I have my Juicy Fruit. I’m all set.
[SCENE: Kramer is back on the skating rink for the next round of the roller derby.]
Kramer skates along with the other roller derby women and aggressively battles them with lots of pushing and shoving. The crowd cheers him on.
The biker chick skates next to Kramer.
Biker chick: Hey, Cosma.
Kramer: Yeah?
Biker chick: If that’s even your real name. I’m on to you.
Kramer nervously skates onward and starts sweating profusely.
[SCENE: Back in the stands, everyone watches the action.]
Jerry and George are whispering to each other.
George: I can’t take it anymore! The sound of that gum chewing. Chomp, chomp, chomp. I can’t get it out of my head.
Jerry: I know the feeling.
George: What should I do?
Jerry: I don’t know. Try another swap?
George: But Kramer said it only works once. Plus, even if it did work again, what would I be swapping in?
Jerry: Oh, no. I can’t help you there. You blamed me for supporting the chewing gum last time. You come up with your own new habit.
Jerry and George go back to watching the roller derby. Everyone is eating their snacks they bought during the break.
Aaron: Hey, Mindy, do you got any extra napkins?
Mindy: Sure.
Aaron: Thanks! Hey, Elaine, I always wondered.
Elaine: Yeah?
Aaron: Why do you suppose they call them “napkins” anyway?
Elaine: I don’t know. It’s just the word I guess.
Aaron: I always thought it had something to do with needing a nap after you eat, you know? Like you get tired after you wipe your face with more napkins. Do think that’s it?
Jerry leans over to whisper in Elaine’s ear.
Jerry: (whispering) Oh that’s it. Two strikes.
Mindy: I thought napkin was just the male version of the word?
Elaine: (eagerly) Yes? Go on...
Mindy: You know, sort of like how towels are what boys use and towelettes are what girls use. I thought napkin was for men and nappies are for women.
Elaine: (whispering) I knew it! All tied up.
George leans in to whisper to Jerry and Elaine.
George: (whispering) All tied up.
Jerry: (whispering) We know!
Elaine: (whispering) And you’re not the judge! But out. Also, for the record Kelly has two strikes also.
George: (whispering) What? How? For what?
[SCENE: In between rounds, Kramer skates over to the stands near where one is sitting.]
Kramer waves to get their attention.
Kramer: Psst! Hey! George.
George looks confused as he walks over to the edge of the skating rink by Kramer.
George: What?
Kramer: You got any of that Juicy Fruit?
George: Yeah, why?
Kramer: Quick, let me have some.
George rummages through his pockets and pulls out the pack Kelly just bought. He gives Kramer a couple of pieces. Kramer starts chewing them all at once.
Kramer: I have a plan. I’m going to stick it in the other team’s hair. Cause them to freak out during the next round.
George: Well, leave me out of this. You didn’t get that from me!
Kramer: No problem, buddy.
Kramer skates away with a mouthful of chewing gum.
[SCENE: Back in the stands, George and Kelly are chatting.]
Kelly: George, give me another one of those Juicy Fruits.
George hesitates as he pulls them out. He has a look of panic as he quickly tries to come up with a new habit to swap in place of the chewing gum.
George: Hey, maybe instead of this stick of Juicy Fruit we try something else?
Kelly: Nah. What do you mean? Just give me a stick of that gum.
George: Here’s what I’m thinking. What if, instead of chewing this gum, you cracked your knuckles instead?
Kelly: Crack my knuckles? What are you talking about?
George: You know, like this.
George demonstrates for her how to crack her knuckles.
Kelly: George, don’t be ridiculous. Give me that gum.
George: Will you just try once?
Kelly: Fine.
Kelly cracks her knuckles.
Kelly: Huh. That’s kind of fun.
She cracks her knuckles again.
Kelly: But I’ll still need my Juicy Fruit. Hand it over.
George grumbles as he hands it over. She starts loudly chewing on a new piece of gum. She then also starts repeatedly cracking her knuckles.
[SCENE: Down on the roller derby track, it’s the final round.]
Kramer is skating along and wildly battling with some of the roller derby women. Then, he tries to employ his secret plan. He takes the wad of gum he was chewing out of his mouth and motions to put it in one of the enemy team player’s hair. Just then, the biker chick that recruited him snatches his wrist and stops him from putting it in her hair. Kramer drops the wad of gum on the ground.
Kramer: (forgetting to use his female voice) Hey, what’s the matter?
Biker chick: You’ve already ruined the game by being here. I’m not letting you pull any dirty tricks.
Kramer: What do you mean? I’m playing fair and square just like everyone else.
Biker chick: You’re a man!
Kramer: (switching back to his female voice) Am not!
Biker chick: I’ll prove it!
Kramer and the biker chick lock arms and start shoving each other side to side as they wildly fly down the skate rink. They round a curve and then Kramer’s skate runs over the wad of gum he dropped a minute ago. They both wipe out and crash into the stands. Kramer loses his wig in the process.
Aaron: (yelling) Hey, that’s a dude!
Kramer gets up and tries to quickly put back on his wig, but the crowd has seen him and they start booing loudly.
Kramer picks himself up and starts running away from the angry crowd. He runs up the stands toward where all of his friends are sitting.
Kramer reaches his friends and is huffing and puffing. Several angry fans are still chasing him.
Kramer: (out of breath) Hey, Jerry, George, how’s it going? Are we still on for laser tag later tonight?
Aaron: Laser tag!? I’m in! Elaine, did you hear that? Let’s join these guys for some “LT” later.
Elaine: Oh my god. You idiots are going to play laser tag?
Kramer runs away on his roller skates from the approaching angry fans.
George: What? It sounded like fun.
Jerry: It’s a guy thing, Elaine. You wouldn’t understand.
Aaron: Hey, Mindy I guess that means you win, huh?
Mindy: Hah, you’re right!
Jerry: Huh? Win what?
Mindy: Oh, me and Aaron had a bet going. On whose date was more of a buzz kill, you or Elaine?
Aaron: Yeah, but since Elaine is against laser tag she’s definitely more of a buzz kill.
Elaine: What? I’m not a buzz kill! Plus, even if I am, Jerry is more of a buzz kill than me!
Jerry: Elaine, you can’t argue with the judges. The test was conclusive.
Elaine: It’s not conclusive!
Kelly cracks her knuckles and blows a big bubble gum bubble.
Kelly: C’mon George, let’s go home. No laser tag for you. We’ve got to go pick up some more Juicy Fruit.
[ROLL CREDITS]
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MLB Underdogs System - Amazing Baseball Formula A Must Use MLB Betting Strategy Underdog Chance Betting Daily - November 20, 2018 MLB Underdogs - Baseball Picks - Baseball Betting System BEST BET IN BASEBALL from the FACTSMAN

The Divisional Underdog System. If you’re past the early months of the season but still interested in using an underdog system, you’re not out of luck. In fact, one of my favorite ways to incorporate underdog betting in baseball doesn’t really work until June. By the time June rolls around, I concentrate on underdogs in divisional games. Here’s a look at 4 baseball betting systems for underdogs that I have found to work. MLB Underdog Wagers – Success under 50% One thing to keep in mind when choosing ‘dogs is you are less likely to end up with an overall winning record. Free Home Underdogs Betting System Baseball System: Go for a home underdog in a division rivalry game that has won 6+ games L10 that has 2 more home wins than home losses. Baseball Divisional Underdog System. Divisional games are extremely prevalent in the Major League Baseball schedule, with each team playing 76 of their 162 regular-season games against teams in their own division. With so many games versus a common opponent, the odds of the underdog winning grow exponentially. Baseball betting requires extreme discipline, expert money management and constant analysis and research. I can teach you how to analyse games, how to create and use betting model, but there is also one other part that we all must fight on a daily basis: Work and discipline. I use proportional money management, I call it progressive.

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MLB Underdogs System - Amazing Baseball Formula

Sports Betting System Super Bowl Picks & Predictions Works on MLB NFL NBA NHL Boxing UFC - Duration: 1:51. Mike Maillet 141,936 views Do Chase Strategies and Martingale Sports Betting Systems Work? ... Tips for Betting Baseball - Baseball Betting Strategy ... Underdog Chance 1,052 views. 1:31:37. Sports Betting Tips: Betting Road Underdogs (Betting Underdogs - Betting Strategies) - Duration: 4:22. WagerTalk TV: Sports Picks and Betting Tips 2,516 views 4:22 VIP Sports Las Vegas 15,363 views 5:05 💰BACK TO BACK SPIN on WHEEL OF FORTUNE 💰BIG hand pay💰 Triple Stars & $25 Double Diamond 💎 💎 - Duration: 28:14. How To Win at Sports Betting: Money Line Underdogs Everyone has struggles with betting sports whether you are a serious bettor or just wager recreationally. In Mitch's series, How to WIn at Sports ...