Betting & sports investment scams | Scamwatch

Psycho Betting and Stats 301-Degenalytics Question

!!!!DISCLAIMER:!!!!
Before you even start watching this for entertainment and see if you get offended by this un-P.C. content. Don't be a pussy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Igsb3ejgbL8
If you can't handle it, leave this thread. If you can, then you may proceed to the next level.
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📰📜Story📜📰:
I've been scatter-brained, ire-filled, soul-searching and lost after a 7-day Degen Marathon that brought a shit load of misfortunes. I used to hate social media, but I've learned how to wield the soc. med. sword like a fucking Degen Jedi. I'm going to promote an honest cause where I seek to be victorious in the end. Just you watch you fucking doubters, haters, blockers, scammers. How much grit and intellect would the average fucking person have to endure what I've gone through in the last fucking 48 hours and still come out alive with a sense of greater purpose?
Had about $400 to $500 in righteously earned bonus dollars earned through impossible grinding degen mission that came pretty close to accomplishing (91%).
I would have had some imaginary >$600 BR by now, but instead the roll-over deadline caused the entire deposit to be forfeited and I manage to salvage some $100.
Due to a bonus rollover scheme, 80U of my balance was stuck in bonuses and if I fail to accomplish the roll-over by the deadline, it all gets forfeited.
With a $500-$600 balance, I could have somewhere at $900-1000 by now after a 20-2 W-L record on European football on Wednesday.
How did I get that record yesterday, by sampling a bunch of solid pre-game picks and live betting using my own fucking brain. I consult with the finest in capping. With $10-$20 bet sizes, That would have put me up maybe $15x16 = +$240 at minimum. $1000 was the imaginary bank roll. As of today, betting with $1 units, after Monday-Wednesday's successful run, while Tuesday was a -$50 blip, I converted $100 to about close to $200 (40U).
🤪🤑Psycho Betting🤑🤪:
I learned the art of psycho betting. Taking some well-advised 10U and 30U psycho bets that put my bankroll up a significant amounts, but a big loss does the opposite. Yesterday I manage to hit 4 grand 30U slams in a row, however many on juiced lines, so each $30 bet one returns about $15-20. Thus my bankroll grew nearly +100 units and sits close to $200 from the initial $100 I manage to salvage after that bonus robbery.
If you want to fucking learn the art of Psycho-Betting to the extremest and be successful at it, fucking put in $100 in Bovada (remember to use money that you can afford to lose) and get that fucking bonus for the purpose of looting the bookies in a successful vengeance scheme. This guy is a fucking Artillery: https://twitter.com/GoTimeCappers.
Fucking hit more than 4x30U grand slams yesterday and some 10-20U cherries on top. I tailed his free picks and other through consultation [Haha fucking reddit/sportsbook will probably ban me for promoting another tout, :)].Of course with my $1.5U size on a crippled bank roll, I cannot grow it to as much as I wanted to using GoTime's techniques. I would have been at another +$400 if I had $6 units. It's a high risk and high reward system, but if you are confident with your picks you go big on it. If you lose it, then you grind back with smaller 10U and 20U bets to try to get back to part to be able to do another 30U bet. The goal is to be like 2-1, 3-0 on 30U grand slams a day. There is some level of sustainability and back up plans to execute in case the 30U bet did not work out. It is very improbable for you to lose 10 in a row on well researched picks that the experts in the community have common agreement on. A lot of the times, the lines shift to reward you less for the pick since big money is already on the pick.
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!!!!!DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ BEYOND HERE IF YOU HATE MATH OR HAVE AN IQ OF < 89!!!!!
Use the chart on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IQ_classification
Here is a Nice Calculation to do:
📚📑💻Stats 301 Question in Degenalytics💻📑📚**:**
Lastly I asked anyone in the past few days to do a Stats 301 question with Degenalytics Context: To fucking determine the probability that an avg Joe with a $100+100 Bonus Bank-roll or $500 + 250B bank roll can actually pull off the $3000/$7500 grind in some number of N months betting with supposedly 2 full months of real sports (N-2) getting Obliterated by COVID-19. I want you to give me an analytical calculation or a simulation of your work and give me all the possible scenarios.
Then give the final verdict of if that number converges to 0.000% or 100.00% that the average Joe would succeed his false-hope mission for a successful rollover.
In other words think of it like this: If the average joe bets his entire bank roll 12 or more times (roll-over is not x10 because of bookie juice), what is the probability that he will still end up in the green? Also assign a tilt probability factor that the Average Joe would go on some emotional tilt spree to end up bust again? And make it even harder by eliminating 2-3 full months of real sports (N-2.5) and having to bet on Bovada's limited shitty ass lines and shitty live odds.
If you fucking want to eliminate the -2.5 months, then allow the average joe the freedom to bet on N months of e-sports [hahah] and see where that goes.
I had a bad experience betting on e-sports for 2 months and only end up -15-20U. I'm not saying that I lost because I suck at e-sports betting or I tailed the wrong people. The Bovada lines are super shitty and limited. Most of the time, on live esports, all you see are dashed out lines as if they fucking know what the rigged result is and prevent people from doing hedge bets or try to bet opposite spreads when they are winning to guarantee an insurance 1-1 with minimal damage incurred to their bank-roll. The live betting experience on e-sports on the Bovada platform is so bad that you are guaranteed to lose in the long run. Fucking hell Bodog/Bovada even offered me a $250 deposit on 100% bonus after the Rudy Gobert day in Mid March. They advertised the joys and wonders of getting rich betting off esports.
I was so tempted to deposit, however I kind of over-slept and missed out on the dead-line so they closed the bonus offer. Pretty good relief that I did not fuck-up my real credit card and bank account by falling for that scam again. It was an accidental Grace of God moment to fucking avoid that E-sports deposit marketing scam.
BONUS Questions:
A: Calculate the number of months needed and number of successful bets required for the conservative degen 1u bettor to grind out the roll-over playing
$2.00 tug of war with the bookie.
B: Calculate the odds that a professional capper who knows how to adjust unit sizes (1u-5u), do parlays once a while, will succeed the roll-over in some
N-2.5 months or add some e-sports to have fun to keep the N factor.
C.1: Calculate the conditional probabilities for the bettor succeeding in the mission if on the first few days of betting:
i) He loses bet 1 for about $20.
ii) Wins bet 1 for about $20 to earn $17.5.
iii) Goes on a 3 game losing streak
iv) 5 game losing streak
v) Positivity case: The guy got lucky and nearly doubled his bank roll on a decent run from day. Up +100U or $200. [I'm sure that out of bad discipline the average Joe would still go -200U in the long run with a pretty high probability.]
C.2: Determine the mathematical scheme on how the Bookies can use your first few losses to eventually put you in a 60+:40- (Greater than 60% locked in bonus, less than 40% of your deposited money). Bonus:Locked funds ratio.
The Jinx-King answer: It converges to zero [hahaha], but I really am interested in know what other scenarios math and stats people have come up. And your mathematical approaches and formulae used to generate possible scenarios and probabilities. But I think it is safe to say that for the average Joe,the answer is 0.00% success rate. Bodog/Bovada knows this exactly and refuses to put a hiatus on the roll-over deadline. Instead they keep it going so that people can try to wager on e-sports and lose their entire bank roll. They are only interested it getting 100% of your locked funds so that they can buy expensive cruises, yachts, beach mansions, resort packages, etc in Aruba or some other tropical place. Where you got millions of desperate Americans, Canadians in struggling economies with lost jobs and zero positive cash-flow. About 10% or so or perhaps even more deposit money into off-shore gambling websites hoping they can roll-over their bank-roll some ridiculous number of times and make a few bucks to put food on the table.
In fact, it makes matters worst being jobless, having zero cash flow and having locked funds in scamming bookies. If you are not good at casino or sports-betting games, you would have:
A: Lose your entire deposit for failing to grind it out properly.
B: Not grind it out on time on whatever dead-line the roll-over was.
C: Even if you did successfully grind that shit out using conservative 1u betting and play $2 tug of war with the bookie, you will end up just wasting your time grinding it out for hours and hours on end. It would have been better for you to fucking find a job at some farm helping out with harvesting crops or work in meat plants so that food does not go to waste. I bet you I can make more money than your $2 tug of war in one a day picking off cans and bottles off the streets in some exercise walking/running/biking + collection routine then selling it to the recycling center for $0.05-0.25 a unit. Trust me at my university, I spot maybe about 50-200 empty/partially driven cans and bottles left on desks, lecture halls, the floor, libraries, work areas, etc. Supposed that I harvested that shit, I would be making $5-$20 a day collecting it all and going to the recycling center once every week.
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⚖Conclusions⚖:
The fucking company knows this COVID-19 closure shit and want to use it to their advantage to continue to rob millions of their customers. Last week, I tried to call customer service, chat help, email, etc. and management has spoken to plead my case to delay the roll-over dead-line in a pro-rated time frame so that customers with locked balances can resume betting with their full balance when Game 1 of any Major League Sport actually returns. They give me the same bull-shit over and over saying they decline my request. For what reason?
  1. The terms and conditions written in fine print for accepting the bonus conversion challenge. "Rules are Rules."
  2. They were aware my deadline of June 22 at 19:23 ET was approaching soon. They knew I was on a mission to salvage my bank roll before they yank out the 60-75U trapped in bonus balances (i.e. Ghost money). By the end of it, I realize I made a foolish mistake. Most of my wins were just from bonus money and I was rewarded $0.00 on righteous wins on expired bonuses.
Therefore Bonus money only earns bonus money which put my entire bank-roll in a 80:20 ratio where the bookies control 80U in ghost money. By the end of the roll-over deadline, they get to yank out 80U of my balance at the deadline and left me with about $100 (20U) bank roll to regrind.
  1. They knew I was winning consistently making solid picks.
During my 110 hour marathon over the brutal grind of losing more than 70 hours of work, leisure and recreation; 35 hours of sleep; to a fucking impossible grind of trying to roll over some 60% of $7500 on sports I have little knowledge of capping (i.e. E-sports, Table Tennis, European football) after a few days of studying the game, I was picking up my stride to grind it to 91%. They fucking knew that if I had another day to grind, they would be coughing up +$600-800 of withdrawable balance to my account.
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Bio:😎📚🎓👨‍🎓
I am a Fucking PHD Candidate (2-6 months from graduating and not having to pay another round of BS tuition) who does a shitload of mathematics, statistics, simulations, mathematical physics, wrote scientific papers. I've won T.A. Awards, Government/Provincial/Institutional level scholarships, Conference presentations, with even Undergrad honors back in the day. DM me if you need a fucking CV to prove my fucking credentials.
Why am I able to write a lot of shit? Because my fucking brain operates on some max level Intel Xeon chip on overclock mode and I cannot do much to shut it down other than going to sleep. They only way is to write articles that I think might benefit the community.
I have a crazy interest in sports and Degen'ing. I love to fucking put action on sports games, be proud about making the correct calls on the outcome of games before it happens, and then boast to my circle of competitive friends about who's the fucking Boss. As tabboo as society think us degens are, I think this absolute BS. There is a pure enjoyment in watching sports and having action on it. It is nice to get paid beer money to cover a round for your buddies, or earn that rent money over a successful night of betting on shit you actually enjoy watching. Fuck I rather make $300 for one evening of enjoying sports rather than working a 9-5 dull job to try to afford rent/mortgage. If I can fucking pay off all my monthly expenses in 3 fucking successful nights of 3 hr sessions of sports matches, that would be ideal. I would take the lather over a 9-5 rat-race grind.
Overall I am "PRO" in the debate for local single sports betting bookies to be established in Canada. Get these fucking scamming off-shore books like bodog/Bovada who contribute only contribute "Bagel" to the Canadian Economy, but instead make it worst by scamming the masses of hard working or desperate people to leak out some sum of billions of dollars of national GDP. Probably the same applies to all American States, that people should not have to cough up their hard earned $$$$ to off-shore scamming bookies. I shall write an article about this later to justify my arguments later.
Ultimately I my goal is to obliterate or negate the influence of all the cons, scamming bookies, and false touts out there who are just interested in stealing people's $$$. To write out full studies on exposing their schemes in an objective lens.
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Calling me out: (Think I cannot track these pussy downvotes? I know you cowards 😂😜😎)
If you think I'm full of BS, then send me a personal DM to have a 1v1 argument the same way that Stephen A debates sports with Max Kellerman. You can downvote me or flame me with empty hate talk all you want on public threads. But don't be a fucky pussy by avoiding a debate with me. Trust me, I'm going to win and be the last one to state a real point that you will have no comeback for [haha]. Lastly, if you are open to discuss or debate with me about some issues, do some resarch/exploration, betting strategies, etc., I would love your collaboration in some projects I got going on.
Ultimately, I should help every honest worker strive towards Degen success or if not, just to purely enjoy putting action on sports games. If you are too full of yourself, then you are on your own, I bid thee adieu, and wish you all the best. However you will be absolutely declined to all services and counsel I work to provide to friends for free.
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Social Media📺🎬
Some extra Resource to how I got to this point in my mission.
Here it is for starters:
June 23, 2020: The Impossible Pursuit Reddit/sportsbook/Brag and Bitch (Tuesday)
June 24, 2020: Doubling Bank roll and rewarded Bagel: Reddit/sportsbook/Brag and Bitch (Wednesday)
June 24, 2020: How can you win 5 in a row and lose it all simultaneously? Reddit/sportsbook/What is your most impressive win?
Full Twiiter: https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5
All my media: https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/media
Discord: ????? To be solved.
Challenges: Got a few right in progress now and a couple of drafts I am working on.
The Jinxking Crusade (In progress): https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/status/1275516258822131714?s=20
Turns out many people cannot withdraw anything out of Bovada/bodog due to some website glitches. Will try to recover a bankroll to attempt a withdrawal, however I am likely to have the same issues too. They will make some lame excuse to not give me a cheque. Definitely no point of pursuing anything in bovada/bodog if they refuse to give you withdrawables. The goal is to get their website off outta here. As well as get them out of advertisements. They definitely pulled off some "Get the fucking money and run scheme" and you will likely not see your money again. GG
The Jinxking Challenge (In progress): https://twitter.com/jinxking0p5/status/1275661929940467713?s=20
Want to expose a bad tout who over prices the service and has a mediocre record? Tail and fade to call their their BS or mediocre non profiting record out. Also good for finding legitimate winners too. This will be a mission to expose shitty touts on Twitter the way Penn & Teller exposes BS in the market.
submitted by jinxking0p5 to sportsbook [link] [comments]

Things My Clanmates Are No Longer Allowed To Do

Loki, please stop performing a "magic trick" for the rookies by jumping out the airlock and using Switch Teleport on them.
Yes, severed Grineer heads do fit in the toilet. And yes, it does "assist" constipated clanmates. And yes, you are going to stop. We know who you are.
Nekros is now only allowed to attend vegan Thanksgiving dinners. Please see incident report 22-A for details on the rampage of the "ghost of Thanksgivings past" as Nekros referred to it as.
The spring-loaded Charger specter induced a heart attack in [REDACTED]. The idea was funny, the bill from the electricity used by the defibrillator was not.
Infested spores are no longer allowed in the dojo, as whoever snuck that stuff into last night's stew caused 38 incidents of violent illness, and stool samples tested positive for Infestation. It's a miracle that no one turned.
You are to use bowling balls in the bowling alley, NOT Roller Specters. Incident Report 42-S contains the damage report, medical costs, and repair costs to the Dojo.
Latchers are not tennis balls. Volt had to go into intensive care after incident 85-R.
Programming Specters to use the exact same equipment as a rookie who has not colored their gear was funny once. Now it's just freaky.
Summoning Specters and making them fight in the Dueling Room is not a "Pokemon battle", it's just a mess.
After incident 61-I, Specters are not allowed to be carried on your person while in the Dojo. We do not need another "dojo invasion drill".
This is your only warning. Do not bring an army of the real thing instead. Again. If the number of "dojo invasion drills" reaches 3, someone is getting tossed out the airlock. Although it was good practice.
Yes, Loki, that is the one time you will be permitted to do your "magic trick".
Nekros. To my office. NOW. I don't know where you got that many corpses for that many shadows, and I do not want to know.
Nyx, please do not haze the rookies by mind controlling them to walk into the wrong restroom. We are running out of splints for broken bones, and we are wasting water from the amount of "swirlies" being given.
Nyx, using Chaos to cause the enemies to shoot each other is permitted and encouraged. Using Chaos during dinner to start a food fight is not.
Nyx is to be accompanied by an Energy Leech Eximus Grineer defector at all times, as she has proved irresponsible on many occasions with her abilities.
Nidus, telling the rookies to "snuggle with me to bring good luck" does NOT confer good luck, only a disgusting cyst.
Inaros, daring the rookies to shoot you so your "voodoo coffin thing" can drain them half to death has left 6 people in a coma in the intensive care unit for over a week now.
Saryn, you are only permitted to attend taco or asian night if you are about to enter a mission, as you tend to subconsciously use an empowered version of Miasma after consuming foreign food. Your normal Miasma smells bad enough. We've had 212 complaints of the smell. That's over A FIFTH OF THE CLAN.
Ivara, the only time you are permitted to use Sleep Arrow in the dojo is if they are diagnosed with insomnia AND they ask. Using Sleep Arrow to knock out the clan officers so you can steal their Orbiter keys so you can loot the ship is HEAVILY discouraged, and if you do it again, Loki is permitted to use his "magic trick".
Using Noise Arrows to startle someone's Kavat or Kubrow is right out.
Dashwire arrows are, however permitted, and encouraged. It really helps the construction workers.
Trinity, you are prohibited from using Well of Life without permission, as you have a tendency to use it on capture and assassination targets, which is not appreciated when the MISSION OBJECTIVE is to attack the target, and having the target's HP suddenly become ten times higher is very inconvenient.
Using Link on a rookie then hitting yourself with your melee weapon and saying "Why you hitting yourself?" is not the clan's initiation ritual.
Our clan doesn't even have an initiation ritual, so stop telling the rookies that we do.
Asking Hydroid for a spa treatment is it's own punishment.
All personnel are to wear SCUBA gear when Hydroid is intoxicated after Incident 52-E, where Hydroid wanted to "extinguish" Ember.
Vauban is prohibited from placing Bounce Pads anywhere in the Dojo without asking, as Incident 02-P shows what happens when he places one in the bathroom.
Wukong, taking nothing but an MK1-Bo into a mission does not make you a part of the "League of Legends".
Upon special consideration, and a recommendation from Councilor Wolfnibblets, you have been granted your own platoon. And yes, it is called the League of Legends. And yes, Atlas, you can join. No, your name is not Alistar.
Nekros is to stop jumping out at the rookies from unseen places and using Terrify. It was funny only once.
Insulting Mag about "being useless" during dinner is it's own punishment. We are not removing the various dining utensils embedded in you.
Valkyr has PTSD. And yes, her fear and stress response is "kill everything in the room". Mentioning Alad V or Zanuka around her is it's own punishment.
Garuda, spamming Bloodletting in the main hall is sure to traumatize someone. It also makes a HUGE mess.
(edit 1 starts below)
Excalibur Umbra, please stop telling your backstory to the new recruits. You've caused two of the younger members to have nightmares.
Octavia, the only time you are allowed to hack the speakers to blast classical music is when someone else hacks them to blast death metal. See Incident Log 87-C for details.
[REDACTED], please stop telling people "what they really are". We already have the Stalker, we don't need another nutjob running around gone mad from discovering what's in the Reservoir.
Mesa, you are hereby prohibited from saying "It's high noon" when using Peacemaker. It was funny once, now stop.
In the aftermath of Incident 66-R, this restriction is lifted. I don't know how you were able to immobilize an entire platoon of Heavy Gunners with laughter, but a win's a win. (end of edit 1)
(edit 2)
Whoever spring loaded a life size Alad V blowup sex doll in Valkyr's closet has one hour to report to the brig before I lock the two of you in a soundproof room without cameras, and let Equinox cast Rage on Valkyr. I know who you are. You're on the security tapes. There's also some...DNA samples on the doll, confirming our suspicions. I have three questions, one, what the hell is wrong with you people, two, what the hell is wrong with the Corpus that manufactured this, and three, where the hell do you people get this shit?
That goes double for the Zanuka sexbot. Seriously. What the hell.
Valkyr is hereby allowed to stage a solo operation to paint the walls with whoever the fuck works at the factory at [REDACTED] on [EXPUNGED].
Operation Wallpaper was a success. Casualties numbered at 1,2██ Credits seized are reported to be 1,45█,███ If these guys made that much money off of demented sex toys then Corpus are now primary targets in ALL operations. We don't want them getting any more funny ideas.
Limbo, you cannot riftwalk across the entire Origin System. You tried that once already, and you failed so miserably that your very existence became a math equation that we had to piece together to get you back. If it happens again, you can stay as a mangled pile of numbers for all I care.
As Councillor NerdWampa stated, "eidolon sauce" is not permitted on dojo grounds. Six more "Dildolysts" have been confiscated from the dorms. Next person with a Dildolyst is getting court martialed for interspecies rape.
If ANY mention of a religion called "Commanderism" or "Centralism" is heard of, Ivara is ordered to sedate the target with a Sleep Arrow and Limbo is ordered to open a rift to Timeline 02-XC and toss the bastard through it.
Revenant, stop casting Enthrall on the rookies and making them worship you.
After Incident 02-C, Revenant is permitted to cast Enthrall on "Commanderists" and "Centralists". If there's going to be a cult running around, at least it's loyal to us.
(edit 3)
Any plan that makes a Council member laugh hysterically for five or more minutes is vetoed.
Nekros is no longer to use a computer unsupervised. He is to take two hormone suppression tablets daily. (I get it, some people have certain...desires. But corpses are OFF LIMITS. -Excalibur Prime)
A small cult surrounding the millenia-old company called Digital Extremes has formed. They are to be left alone, as they repeatedly insist that everything in the Origin System was created by them. There have been 11 cases of minor existential crises caused by the cult’s rambling.
Volt, please stop trying to cast Speed on your Orbiter. We don’t want to have to use plasma cutters to safely remove it from the hangar wall. Again.
When I find whoever keeps picking on Valkyr, they are going to wish she found you first. I can’t believe you blew all those ducats and credits on a Zanuka Hunter beacon jerry rigged to go off when Valkyr opened her closet.
Titania, you will stop shrinking down to harass and nip at people. If this continues, standard issue equipment will include a bug zapper from Credit Tree.
Poking Volt with any metal object is it’s own punishment.
Whoever left a Volatile Runner in the cafeteria oven is eating that for dinner.
(edit 4)
You are prohibited from piloting an Archwing if your blood alcohol concentration is 0.08% or higher. Drunken Archwing pilots tend to leave very specific dents in the outer hull of the Dojo.
Gara is prohibited from entering the Observatory after ███ cases of defenestration, one including the ship's pilot.
Yes, the Dojo is a ship. It may not look like it, but is IS an A-Class carrier fit for combat. Attempt to hijack it, and you'll be strapped inside the barrel of the main gun during the next target practice exercise.
When performing conservation missions in the Orb Vallis, you are to bring a tranq rifle, not a shotgun.
Fishing with a Penta is poor sport. Explosive fishing was outlawed millenia ago.
(edit 5)
Khora's Strangledome is not a jungle gym. The younger recruits have a hard time telling the difference.
Ash cannot use his smoke screen indoors. I have no idea what chemicals are in those smoke bombs, but █ rookies have had a bad reaction to it.
Ivara, your lullabies for the toddlers must not include a sleep arrow.
Your noise arrow can't be used as an alarm clock at four in the morning either. We're just going to let you pry yourself from the wall after what Atlas did.
"Fraternizing" with Nidus is discouraged. You know why.
Khora, please keep your Kavat with the others. Even though Venari is your spirit animal, she still needs the litterbox.
Yes, Inaros can eat it. No, you are not permitted to scam rookies out of money by making them place bets. Yes, Inaros can still get indigestion. Anyone caught doing this will have their punishment decided by Oberon Prime.
(edit 6)
Nova, stop using wormholes to escape the time-space continuum in unpleasant situations. I know you hate meetings, but the...thing that came through after incident 76-V caused ██ injuries and 1,███,███ credits in repair costs.
Mag is to stop stealing other people's spare change from across the Dojo. Ability Range isn't always the go-to build.
(These guys are really stupid, more to come soon!)
submitted by Skitter1200 to Warframe [link] [comments]

USADA’s rise from /r/MMA’s perspective

McGregor’s rise from /MMA's perspective
Rousey's rise from /MMA's perspective
Garbrandt's rise from /MMA's perspective
Jones’ Rollercoaster Ride from (mostly) /MMA's perspective
Got the idea from CounterClockworkOrng, who in turn go the idea from /soccer’s growing believe. Given all the shit going on with USADA popping a plethora of people in the UFC, thought I would compile a bunch of comments pre-USADA, the transition and post-USADA instead of working on a presentation for my final year uni project.

PRE-USADA ERA

2012 April 7: Is TRT justified?
 
2014 March 17: GSP: "If you get caught on steroids right now, it’s because you’re very disorganized. It's so easy to beat the test."
 
2014 July 14: GSP wants Olympic drug testing for UFC not influenced by money
 
2015 May 19: What percentage of top fighters do you think are taking PEDs?

USADA PROGRAM TRANSITION

2015 June 26: USADA telling fighters they will no longer be allowed to use IVs after weigh ins
  • “A lot of folks are up in arms about this because they mistakenly assume USADA are going after drastic weight-cutting by disallowing IV re-hydration. That is incorrect. The purpose of this new rule is to prevent the use of IV fluids to mask PED use, not to prevent drastic weight cutting. IV hydration has long been used to mask PED use in other sports and has probably been used for this purpose in MMA. The weight cutting issue, while significant, is a by-product of the new rule's intent.” - support_robot
  • “I don't think so. I recall listening on the MMA hour that athletes have used IV's to cover up elements of blood doping or something like that. I believe it had something to do with the use of saline or something helps to immediately filter out some of the elements of blood doping. Take a listen to an episode a few weeks ago that featured the president of USADA.” - AsianRainbow
  • “In theory I guess this could get guys to start cutting less weight because they won't be able to IV. Or this just makes weight cutting even more dangerous because guys will still cut the same, but wont IV.” - DrPoquesBeanie
  • “More bathtub incidents.” – [deleted]
  • “Well Conor will be moving up to 155 or he'll be walking around lighter.” - RivRavRevRun
 
2016 January 13: Get used to this news. The USADA-UFC program actually went into full effect for the 1st time this month. It’s going to ramp up big time now.
  • “I can't wait until all my favorite fighters get busted and I become completely disillusioned” - xjayroox
  • “Damn, gonna miss the days of everyone being on steroids.” - Iflosswithbarbedwire
  • “Inb4 the whole UFC roster is on PEDs.” - hybridsr
  • “I only trust Mark Hunt and Roy Nelson in passing drug tests.” - [deleted]
  • “Man this sport is gonna look completely different by next year.” - the_marvelous_penis
  • “Dudes will still get away with cheating, just only the richer ones will be able to. Nice and fair.” - fightsgoneby
  • “So GSP was right all along, and even though Dana publicly scoffed at and dismissed Georges' demands, he gave in after all. This is part of Georges' legacy.” – [deleted]
  • “good I like it now we are in full swing the fighters know how this is going to go down now test every single one of them and suspend the cheaters” – [deleted]
  • “The UFC gets a lot of shit, but they deserve credit for this” - doubs

POST-USADA ERA

2016 January 13: Yoel Romero tested positive for a designer steroid, a peptide to increase testosterone production
  • “I feel like the USADA might not get every cheater at first but will eventually get them all.” - RandyLiddell
  • “NO FOR GAY STEROIDETERONE” - 8tiy
  • “USADA is cracking down on this shit” - -BRF
  • “I am impressed ... Usually guys get caught with the old school bodybuilder drugs. USADA being able to test for new peptides gives me hope” – [deleted]
  • “Is anyone here genuinely surprised?” - Butthisistheinternet
  • “Powerful USADA.” - Zoddo
 
2016 February 8: Malki Kawa reveals that Yoel Romero's positive drug test was the result of a tainted supplement. Expecting resolution soon.
  • “It should be noted that they're claiming the supplement was contaminated at the source and that the manufacturer has been having a problem with tainted supplements lately. Supposedly, USADA is investigating this.” - [deleted]
  • “I honestly don't know why any athletes would use supplements. It's just too big a risk. They should just hire dietitians to come up with a food program that gets the job done.” – [deleted]
  • “I was under the impression that this type of scenario wouldn't matter, that USADA stance is you're responsible for what your put in your body period.” - thlsisnotanexit
  • “Come on guys, give old Yoel a break. How was he supposed to know that his steroids were tainted with steroids?” - lightningsword
 
July 7, 2016: USADA has flagged Jon Jones. Potential anti-doping violation. He’s out of UFC 200.
  • “Important: Drugs of abuse like cocaine, speed, ADD meds, heroin etc are not tested for out of competition. This was an out of competition test failure.
    When the Nevada Athletic Commission tested Jones for cocaine, it was a mistake. As a result they never fined When or suspended him. He didn't break their rules and the test should never have taken place.
    Also of note, Jones is sponsored by GAT supplements, and at least one of their products (Testagen) can result in;"false positives" for athletes who undergo drug testing.” - iainkidd
  • “So much for the fear USADA won't go after big stars.” - [deleted]
  • “Brock replacing Jones as the main event on a doping violation is supremely ironic.” - juicemilk
 
2016 July 18: Just confirmed at NSAC meeting, Jon Jones tested positive for anti-estrogen substance.
  • “One of the substances was apparently hydroxy-clomiphene, better known as Clomid. Very potent estrogen blocker.” - MMA__Junkie__
  • “Clomid is probably most common blocker used to come off of a cycle. Nobody wants them bitch tits.” - TheBeardedMarxist
  • “Bodybuilders take letro to kill bitch tits as a last resort if things like arimidex isn't strong enough.
    Letro is the giant red flag he was running legit test Aka "steroids" Guilty as they get fellas” - MKVlurker
  • “New owners have to be loving USADA right now, losing two of the biggest names in one week.” - [deleted]
  • “Chael knows!” - sevendots
  • “Guys, hold your horses. Maybe he's trying to ovulate.” - Mattyi
 
2016 July 21: Just confirmed at NSAC meeting, Jon Jones tested positive for anti-estrogen substance. Cro-Cop: "USADA offered to cut my suspension if I snitched on another fighter".
  • “This makes no sense. USADA isnt the Police. They can only act on physical evidence or by a fighters own admissionThis makes no sense. USADA isnt the Police. They can only act on physical evidence or by a fighters own admission.
    There is no Detective Needles trying to pin cases on anyone, They go see fighters and collect their bodily fluids.” - Jacked1218
  • “So USADA is basically the mean cop in your run of the mill TV drama.” - snobbysnob
  • “I don't get why people are saying this is a bad thing. Are you guys also against that "don't snitch" campaign the police run?” - DeeDeeInDC
  • “USADA doing whatever it takes to make the sport clean. Why would anyone hate on that except the fighters that juice. Look if you want a clean sport then there doing the right thing. I think USADA needs to be regulated as MMA is way more taxing on the body than a sport such as Table tennis also under USADA scrutiny. There needs to be a way where fighters can have things for recovery because of how taxing the sport really is on their health.” - Cat_Scam
  • “Ugh. People need to do their research on this stuff, it's in the articles that the organisations follow. A suspension can be reduced if an athlete is willing to cooperate with them. Usada is able to establish guilt in any way possible, and their entire purpose is to catch cheats.
    It makes sense if you can accept that catching cheats is literally their only purpose, not if you agree with tactics. It's not a court of law, they don't have the same requirements for standard of proof or even due process.
    They're a drug testing agency and nothing of what they do is inconsistent with that.” - kingtipop
 
2016 November 23: USADA responds in detail to Lyoto Machida’s criticism of suspension
  • “TL:DR Machida says he didnt know supplement was on banned list, USADA says uh-uh sir we've told you where to check banned supplements multiple times” - ablock3002
  • “Really gotta agree with the USADA on this one.
    The TL;DR version is : Machida took a supplement which listed on the ingredients label a banned substance. He never checked (which is his responsibility) the available database to see if the substance was banned. Had he done his due diligence this whole issue would have been avoided.” - imthejuice
  • “"When the UFC brought USADA in, I thought it was to instruct and educate all the fighters" I bet a lot of fighters thought that too.” - Thelynxer  
2016 November 25: Brazilian USADA-linked site doesn’t tell athletes that 7-keto-DHEA is banned - Lyoto Machida's claim that he did not have proper education about banned substances is supported by new information
  • “It just makes me wonder how athletes are just cool taking all these substances. Like, banned or not, they're on all these drugs/enhancements and it makes me feel weird.like, if I started fighting, the first thing my trainer is going to do is get me on whatever they can get me that is as close to being not illegal as possible. Feels messed up.” - DeeDeeInDC
  • “Haha I can give a little breakdown for you:
    UFC contracted USADA to do drug testing. USADA do a good job, it's arguably the best program in pro sports. Problem is, USADA follow the WADA code, which has major issues.
    USADA also get very defensive when there's any suggestion they made a mistake.
    In this instance, they gave a harsh penalty to a guy for taking a substance that shouldn't even carry the sentence it does - mostly because they kind of have to per the wording of the WADA code.
    Rather than acknowledge the issues with how punishments are decided, their PR doubled down and attacked the guy, and made quite a few claims that were either factually incorrect or misleading in the process.
    That, understandably, doesn't reflect well on them.” - iainkidd
  • “Don't understand why 7-keto is banned. I have older family members that use it for weight-loss and to build some lean muscle. It's no IGF-1, EPO, anabolic steroids etc.” - RepublicHunter
  • “Oh man, do we need to get our dicks out again? :/” - LaReddoux
  • “Back on to the Lyoto sympathy train it is then!” - BrownCanadian
  • “fucking USADA is really getting in the way of fights here” - -SpaceDooDooPistols-
 
2017 March 21: What's PED testing like in other major sports compared to the UFC?
  • “It ain't jack shit in other Sports. Outside of Olympic style events the UFC has the next tier below if not equal. If they implemented USADA testing in NFL, NBA, Soccer, etc. everybody would be blasted” - StankFish
  • “The Unions in the other sports are too strong to allow USADA like testing. Plus something like it would not be negotiated outside the time of signing a new labor agreement (every 5 or so years).” - CodeMaeDae
  • “hahah! both codes of rugby are full of peds.” - Boxyuk
  • “Nowhere near as tough. Cycling is up there. Loads of rumours regarding Barcelona FC.” - itsbroady
  • “I am a speedskater who is in the USADA testing pool. No other professional sports organization have close to the UFC (USADA) standards for reasons already stated. It should also be noted though that for Olympic sports USADA doesn't have a reach outside of the US, WADA does. This causes a sort of imbalance within a lot of sports due to WADA's lack of funding and other countries looking to cover up their athletes doping instead of preventing or stopping it.” - sch0225
  • “They're a joke, mostly. Football in particular has laughably transparent shitty testing, AFAIK including stuff like players being given a week's notice before getting tested.” - ExpOriental
  • “UFC probably has one of the strictest drug testing of any pro sporting organization right now, although still far from perfect as we all know. Soccer testing is a farce. Not to mention the sketchy pasts so many top managers like Conte, Guardiola, Zidane, Deschamps, Loew etc. have when it comes to PEDs.” - MagnumPear
 
2017 August 6: **Long read** Extremely insightful interview on PEDs and the athletes that use them with a PED dealer, who has ties with Olympic gold medalists and champion boxers Juan Manuel Marquez and Jorge Arce
  • “No sport is as clean as the fans think.” - Ayy_bby
  • “GSP's physique against Sherk was about as blatant as it gets.” - nordik1
  • “think it was dave tate who said it, but it always stuck with me. He called PEDs "the ace up your sleeve". long story short was you got a free level up, but you only got to play it once. if you have to use gear to cut it at high school, you'll never get on a D1 college team. if you need gear to get on the D1 starting line, you'll never get to the NFL. if you need gear to get to the NFL, you'll be gone in a year or two. If you can get to the NFL on your own, gear will give you that edge where you can be making $100 million for the next decade.
    so if you're a guy 3-2 on the undercard, gear might allow you to scrape the top 10 but you'll never be champ. if you're a top 10 guy, gear can be the difference between a 5-3 record with a 60/60 paydays and being a champ with multiple title defenses making 10X as much money. Think how RDA or Lawler's career resurgence went, that's the kind of thing Tate was talking about with using PEDs.” - evilf23
  • “This makes me think that Jon doped. Remember those testosterone test results with sketchy levels? (they were suspiciously low for an athelet of his age). I wouldn't be surprised if GSP has done it too.” - miliseconds
  • “USADA is shady as fuck lol. Look into USADA testing Mayweather and you'll find out everything you need to know about them.” - jt_33
  • “Not one of the fighters at the top is clean 100% maybe diaz but the rest juiced to hell. Training 3x a day 6 days a week, impossible clean.” - layman01
  • “A pre-entry to the regular MMA conspiracy thread: The UFC brought in USADA not to level the playing field but to ensure that a certain group of fighters with access to designer steroids would flourish. Zuffa were hooking certain guys up.” - XanderCageIsBack
  • “If anyone is interested in this watch a documentary released recently called "Icarus". Simply the best documentary I've ever seen.” - LovemahMMA
  • “Yes... idiots do it on the amateur and local pro level in MMA. Because they aren't being tested... so it's fair game for them. And then if they are fortunate enough to rise through the ranks, they are super screwed when they will be tested. Of course I know local guys do it... and they never go any further. Same with guys doing sport BJJ.
    I never said the sport was clean... I said I LIKE to think it's clean. I would like to have enough money to never work again either... but I can like the idea of things and be a realist at the same time.
    Of course those things help... but not to the same degree it does in other sports where it's purely a physical thing and there is no other strategy involved.” - JoeLauzonDotCom
  • “Before you jump to conclusion that MMA is as dirty a sport as track and field consider the prices being discussed in the article.. it can cost as much as $100k to create a drug to pass Olympic level drug testing. I'm interested what others think about professional fighters not being able to afford the costs of these designers and the sport actually might be more clean than one might assume because of it.” - GrewUpWith2Dads
 
2017 August 23: Jon Jones tests positive for steroids, stripped of title
  • “Jon Jones tests positive for turanibol, an oral steroid. He might be facing a 4 year ban.” - Fletch71011
  • “Turinabol? Jesus Christ that shit is ancient in terms of PEDS. Jon, you're fucking rich, at least buy the good shit.” - Leaf_CrAzY
  • “Mike Tyson: No one will piss away their prime years the way I did.
    Jon Jones: Hold my boner pills...” - BaneBannon
  • “Nate Diaz the prophet.” - lostdorito
  • “Boy who cried dick pills” - gzilla57
 
2017 August 24: USADA confirms Jones tested positive for turibanol
  • “How many times can we accept the "tainted supplement" excuse from the same individual?” - lhkemperor
  • P4P #1, undefeated across all weight classes” - HealthyandHappy
  • “Well well well. How the turibanol tables....” - LEDsForEyes
  • “"The reiningggggg, defendingggg, Light Heavyweight Champion of the worlllllllld, USADA."” - N9neRhymes
  • “Thank you USADA for keeping this sport clean, or at least trying to. DC is without a doubt the true LHW champ now. Sucks that he had to take so many turinabol* shots to the head. Fuck Jon Jones.” - Rewrap
 
2017 September 13: Sources: Jones' B sample confirms failed test
  • “Underground labs don't clean the glass properly in between batches of steroids.
    Jon likely bought an undetectable steroid for decent money, and that substance made it past USADA. But the fact that they didn't clean the equipment lead to it being tainted with T-Bol that he wasn't even intending to take. They likely missed the good stuff & caught him by accident.” - sknick_
  • “Him failing twice under the new USADA rules has to bring up the question, "Has he been on PEDs his whole career?" And I think it's hard to say that he hasn't” - sportz12345
  • “we waited all this time to find out something we already know” - liquidzr0
  • “USADA: You still there pussy?” - cheapStryker
Edit: Formatting
submitted by AsianBeast1996 to MMA [link] [comments]

Fanfiction: Tales from Fredbear's: One Large Anchovy

Rating: T for graphic violence and gore, humiliation, mild swearing
Setting: Fredbear's Family Diner, 1981, prior to all of the tragedies
Summary: Willing to do anything to humiliate and degrade his business partner and their long-time worker, Will Afton is infuriated when his scheme backfires. That same night he finds he is also willing to go to any lengths to seek revenge.
Author's Note: It was recently announced that a new series of FNaF books is on its way, each containing short stories set in the game universe. This was written in anticipation as one fan's attempt at such a story. Specifically, this one speculates what might have pushed an already-unstable William Afton to cross the line to pure evil.
Five Nights at Freddy's and all canon characters, settings, etc. are the property of Scott Cawthon.
You are free to use any original concepts, headcanons and characters from this fanfiction in your own work (fanfiction, art, etc.) if you'd like.
Views expressed in this fanfiction do not necessarily match the writer's, especially those of Afton, because he's a first-class jerk in this one.
"I swear, the very next time a worker pulls a no-show," seethed William Afton, scooping up a ladleful of tomato sauce, "I will hunt him down and end him." Pressed into service in the kitchen of his business enterprise, a family diner and children's party venue, he slung the sauce onto an empty pizza shell with pure fury, hearing cries of annoyance from those working on either side of him.
"C'mon, Will," sighed Henry, frowning down at the flecks of red that had spattered his favorite flannel shirt. Eternally calm and laid back, he stood in sharp contrast to his friend and business partner's fiery and spirited nature. "We knew there would be some setbacks like this when we went into this line of work, and that we'd have to pick up the slack ourselves from time to time. Still, it is admittedly a tough break to have both our food prep guys and our delivery driver leave us high and dry on the same night, again. No matter who we hire, why do they always seem to quit in groups?" He returned his attention to his own pizza creation, applying a generous sprinkling of mozzarella with much more care than Will. Just the same, I hope we haven't gotten in over our heads with this late-night delivery schtick after the dining area closes for the night, he silently fretted.
"Alright, so it's hard to find good help, but how tough should it be to hire some local flunkie kids at minimum wage and actually keep them on?" groused Will, clearly not done yet as he glared down at the haphazard mess of a pizza on the table before him as if it represented every questionable business decision he had grown to regret. "We're talking complete no-talent jobs here that any fool could do." The sound of someone clearing his throat interrupted his ranting.
"I-I'm right here, Sir," protested their young worker, finally finding his voice even if it was far less self-assured than Henry's. Clyde hadn't fared any better than Henry against Will's sauce-slinging tirade, and removed his eyeglasses to stare in dismay at them, finally opting to wipe the lenses on the cleanest area of his uniform shirt he could find.
"Present company excepted!" Out of habit, Henry was quick to apologize on Will's behalf, sending a look of unmistakable pity Clyde's way. He means well, he mouthed, although he knew that wasn't exactly true of his abrasive partner. Will may have been a shrewd businessman whose decisions had kept their fledgling enterprise afloat through its first lean years, but he made few attempts to hide his inner mean streak, especially when it came to the frequent mistreatment of anyone he could easily manipulate. While even Henry was at times intimidated by his own friend, Clyde offered far less resistance and had found himself Will's preferred target as a result.
"Well, at least you're loyal, I'll give you that," Will conceded, adding under his breath, "but last time I checked, getting enlisted for food prep is a promotion from scrubbing dishes and mopping the floors." He was inwardly delighted when Clyde's shoulders fell at the insult he'd fully meant for him to overhear.
"Here." A short while later, Will shoved the warming bag containing the stack of pizza boxes against Clyde's chest so hard he was forced to take a step backward to avoid sprawling on the tiled kitchen floor. "You're delivering these, and remember, fifteen minutes or it's free and it comes out of your pay. Hope that beater of a car can even get there that fast." Crestfallen but ever obedient, Clyde wasted no time hustling out the back door, while Henry watched in silent disapproval.
I halfway wish that kid had the self-esteem to quit, he thought in dismay, but I doubt he ever will. He's destined to be a "lifer" at Fredbear's just as much as I am.
Having been deputized as a delivery driver on previous occasions, Clyde strongly preferred the coveted job because it at least let him escape Will's surly temperament for short stretches at a time, plus the tips supplemented his meager wages. Yet when his Datsun hatchback slid to a stop by the curb in front of a sprawling mansion where a wild party was in full swing, his heart sank.
"Oh no." Though he hadn't recognized the address Will had written on the delivery slip, upon arrival there was no mistaking exactly where he had been dispatched. Everyone knew the estate, settled on its large expanse of manicured lawn on the far edge of town and owned by a local business tycoon, who while far more successful than Will, was his undisputed equal when it came to ruthlessness.
The double front doors of the stately home swung open and a crowd of youthful and rowdy partygoers spilled out, joining those already filling the wide-columned front porch that ran the length of the building. The host of the party stepped to the front of the crowd, crossing his arms over his chest and regarding the scrappy car and its driver with a malicious gleam in his eye.
Well, here goes nothing, thought Clyde. Awkwardly scrambling out through the driver's side window since both doors had been jammed shut after a minor collision years before, he retrieved the pizzas from the warmer and made his way up the path, then froze halfway in startlement when he caught sight of the man's expression.
"Oh, uh, hi, Jerry," he stammered, forcing himself to smile as he greeted the former classmate who had relentlessly bullied him throughout high school. Maybe he's changed, he fervently hoped, though the sneer plastered across Jerry's face suggested otherwise.
"Hey guys, look who's delivering pizzas for Fredbear's now!" the priviliged scion of the richest family in town jeered, and snickers broke out among the crowd. "Just two years after graduation and he's already put us all to shame with his career ambitions. Talk about moving up in the world, and here we all bet he wouldn't amount to anything!"
Clyde clutched the cardboard boxes tighter, deeply uncomfortable at being harshly scrutinized by the former "in-crowd."
"That'll be fifteen dollars, Jerry," he said tersely through gritted teeth. "And get bent." His nemesis clapped a hand to his mouth in mock disbelief.
"Why Clyde, I'm shocked! Such a filthy mouth. Guess it matches your overall look," he said, making the delivery driver suddenly self-conscious of his uniform shirt and knockoff-brand jeans, both of which bore traces of flour and pizza sauce, betraying the fact he also labored in the restaurant's kitchen.
"It's high time you cleaned up your act, dirtbag. Allow me to help you with that one." Jerry snapped his fingers, an apparent cue to someone just inside the house, and Clyde halted in confusion, hearing a mechanical clacking noise. To either side of the narrow walk he stood on, small metal disks were rising like mushrooms from the lawn in a grid-like pattern.
He realized Jerry's intentions all too late when the sprinkler system kicked on in full force, and dropped the pizzas as he brought up his arms to futilely shield himself from the drenching spray, cursing a blue streak all the while at being tricked. Blinded by the torrent of water, Clyde turned to sprint in what he hoped was the direction of his car, only to trip over a sprinklerhead and sprawl face-first on the soggy lawn, all to the tune of laughter from his audience.
The sprinklers abruptly stopped, and Jerry strode triumphantly over to his adversary as he pulled himself to his feet, looking rather pathetic as he readjusted his glasses and ballcap that had been knocked askew by the force of the spray.
"Just as cool as ever," he taunted, "and you can forget about your fifteen bucks. You really didn't catch on that this was all a set-up, and a hilarious one at that? I mean, maybe you didn't see it as such, but--"
"Oh yeah?" Clyde interrupted in an unexpected display of defiance, both hands on his hips. "Fine, then, have it your way." Stalking out to the hatchback, his sodden tennis shoes squishing with every step, he reached inside the open window, pulling out a corded telephone handset.
"Hello. Hello?" he practically shouted into the mouthpiece, yet keeping his voice level. "Yeah, that delivery order on Washington Avenue? We're dealing with a refusal to pay here."
"Fredbear's gives their drivers car phones?" Jerry gasped in disbelief, for he'd been expecting Clyde to meekly accept defeat and drive off in shame.
"...Okay, got it, standard protocol. I'll let him know!" Clyde dropped the phone back into the car, then returned to the path. Something in his changed demeanor left his nemesis with a sinking feeling.
"That was my boss, and 'fraid to let you know, but at Fredbear's Family Diner, we don't take the theft of goods and services lightly. He said you've got five minutes to pay up in full or I'm to report the theft to the cops." Grinning smugly, Clyde gestured with a dripping, muddied arm across the property, which was liberally strewn with the detritus of a celebration run amok. "Think you could clear out all your guests and clean this up in the time it would take the fuzz to arrive? It's your choice, pal." The former high school bully gaped at him in open-mouthed shock before reluctantly pulling out his wallet.
"You snot-nosed, scrawny-ass little punk," he hissed under his breath, pressing three five-dollar bills into Clyde's hand. "You wouldn't dare." Somebody on the porch behind him let out a low whistle, breaking the silence that followed, and Jerry shot a glare back at his guests.
"Actually, I would dare," Clyde shot back. "And I believe a tip is customary?" Leaning in close, he ignored the inner voice warning him not to press his luck. "Fifty bucks and I'll let bygones be bygones and forget any of this ever happened. Your old man would sure be sore if word about this got back to him. I may be delivering pizzas at twenty, but at least I'm not throwing house parties behind my dad's back like some overgrown high-school kid."
"This is blackmail!" Jerry wailed, already digging in his wallet for more cash and knowing the delivery driver had him.
"Damn straight it is," said Clyde, making a show of tucking the bills in his shirt pocket. Tipping his cap to the awed crowd, he cheerfully added, "Have a nice night, and thanks for choosing Fredbear's Family Diner!"
I can't believe he got one over on me! Jerry fumed, stomping a foot on the walkway in utter frustration. That officially wrecks this party.
Although Clyde pulled away from the scene of the crime with a defiant squeal of his tires, it wasn't until he'd put some distance between himself and his aggressors that he dared to look in his rear-view mirror, ostensibly to reassure himself he wasn't being followed. He was almost startled at the reflection greeting him, that of a guy who may have taken a few hits but had gotten his own back for once and whose eyes had a spark of mirth he had never noticed before. Twisting the dial on the car radio, Clyde drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as the strains of The Sweet filled the hatchback's tinny interior, a suitable match for the adrenaline rush that promised to continue surging through his body for the rest of his shift.
He grinned down at the handset on the passenger seat. Far from a functional and high-tech car phone, it was nothing more than a broken piece of office equipment from the pizzeria, and it had been Henry's idea to take it along on deliveries to fool pranksters into believing the police could be called on the spot if they refused to pay. I can't believe I actually pulled that one off!
"What the hell happened to you?" Will demanded when Clyde returned to the kitchen, soaked and filthy. "Did you get in a fight or something?"
"Yeah, sorta, but you should see the other guy." The delivery driver beamed as he flicked some stray blades of grass off his shirt, then plunked the hard-earned payment for the pizzas down on the countertop in front of his astonished boss while keeping silent about the extravagant tip he'd extorted from their customer. Despite his deplorable appearance, he felt on top of the world.
"Forget the other guy; you look like a drowned rat," Henry said with a smirk, knowing Clyde was hardly the type to instigate a physical altercation. "At least go to the supply room and borrow a spare uniform shirt for the rest of your shift, and then you owe us a full account of whatever went down." After the way this night started, it's nice to see him positively glowing for once, he thought.
From the time Will and Henry had started the laborious process of building their innovative business concept from the ground up, they had quickly fallen into roles that suited Will just fine. As the charismatic, outgoing half of the duo, he handled the legal issues over zoning of the property, disputes with vendors, and of course the publicity, often with a great deal more aggression than necessary. Henry was content to toil unobtrusively behind the scenes, designing, programming and testing the animatronic characters that would bring joy to their future young patrons, all the while with a serious demeanor but a secretive smile on his face, for he held a true passion for his work.
If Will relished the control over the business itself, he absolutely thrived over subtly controlling Henry, outright dismissing many of his suggestions as inane and trashing some of his finished work, even after it had been done to his exact specifications. Having known his more reticent friend for years, Will still gained a secret thrill when he had nearly reduced the man to tears of self-doubt, but he cautiously maintained just enough restraint not to push him too far to the point where Henry might feel threatened enough to quit the partnership.
Clyde had been their very first hire, barely out of high school. Watching with grim amusement as he stammered his way through an awkward job interview, Will had lost no time in hiring someone clearly as unsure of himself as Henry, only even more compliant. What he hadn't expected was that Henry would take their new lackey under his wing and find a kindred spirit in him that left him feeling like the third wheel. Of course they would find common ground; they were both intimidated by him, only by different degrees.
It wasn't long before Will would find the duo on their lunch breaks, enthusiastically discussing new routines for the animatronics' song-and-dance numbers or skits for their on-stage banter, both animated with the child-like wonder they held for the characters Henry had created.
Henry had been his to control, his to direct. Will had been envious enough when his partner had found love against all odds and married several years before, but at least Henry's wife was mostly sequestered at home with their toddler, and to his credit, Henry had never used his new fatherhood as an excuse to cut back on his work hours. Despite this envy, Will also had to begrudgingly admit that in a business with an incredibly high turnover rate, Clyde may not have been their most competent worker but he was the only other one who was loyal to a fault and had stayed on since the beginning, so it would be a poor decision to fire him without cause.
If Will had started the night in a foul mood, coaxing the story of the prank-turned-revenge out of Clyde and seeing his withdrawn employee slowly discovering his self-confidence only stoked his temper. To make matters worse, Henry seemingly couldn't leave the kid's side, lavishing praise on him for standing up for himself and leaving Will deeply disgruntled. The last thing he wanted was for Henry to get ideas and start rebelling against the way things had always been since the start of their partnership. It soon struck him that driving a wedge between the two, post-haste, would be necessary if he wanted to maintain the status quo.
"The kid hardly deserves a medal, you know," he complained to Henry once Clyde had retreated out of earshot to the front desk to take another delivery order. "So he got payment from a difficult customer, big deal! I liked it more when he just shut up and did his job, but now he's annoyingly chipper, and he's going to be downright insufferable to deal with if this keeps up."
"Maybe for you, but I like seeing him self-assured for once, and I can relate." Henry rolled his eyes. "Heaven forbid a worker at a children's party venue, of all places, show any inkling of joy or enthusiasm, right?"
Will's eyes narrowed and he tried a new tactic, one he had been holding off for until just the right moment. There was a time for fighting clean and fair, but in his eyes the situation no longer called for self-restraint.
"Just the same, haven't you noticed that when it comes to you, Clyde's gone a little beyond respect for his superiors on the job, and even beyond hero worship?" He delighted when Henry, no doubt suspecting exactly where the conversation was headed, blushed deeply. "It's so obvious he's got a crush on you; where'd that come from?!"
To Will's chagrin, his conservative, quiet partner did not recoil in absolute disgust as he had expected, but broke out in a reluctant yet knowing grin.
"I-I noticed that a long time ago, Will," he said in a hushed voice, his face still reddened as his gaze darted toward the doorway and the front desk. "And it's flattering to know that someone thinks that highly of you." Henry paused for a moment, scrutinizing the tray of breadsticks he had cut in even lines from a sheet of dough. "I'll admit he didn't do the best job of hiding his feelings, but I admire the way he respected the fact that I'm a married man by never acting on them." He shrugged. "Besides, he's young and still figuring this stuff out. I've noticed he's also taken a shine to Cindy, y'know, the prize counter girl?"
Will exhaled sharply, irritated that his attempts to undermine his coworkers' friendship had utterly failed. You knew all along, and it didn't drive you crazy, working right alongside him after you found out he was hung up on you? He was still fighting the urge to seize Henry by the shoulders and shake some much-needed sense into him when Clyde's voice carried into the kitchen.
"Look, I already told ya, we can't deliver after dark to an address that's not a home or a business," he informed the caller, firmly and with a rare hint of annoyance in his tone. Will stalked out to the lobby to find Clyde with the phone in one hand and tracing along a map of the town with the other, his finger settling on a location that appeared to be a large field of green.
"You're asking me to deliver to the abandoned pool, down by the ballfields? Sorry, no can do, it's almost midnight and that place isn't well lit at all. There's the 24-hour Gas'N'Grub a half-mile away; meet me there and you can have your pizza--Hey!" He yelped when Will snatched the telephone forcibly from his grip.
We need the money, his boss mouthed before returning to the call. "'Ello? Sorry for my delivery driver; he's a bit skittish." Will waved away Clyde as he shrugged in frustration at the insult. "We normally don't deliver to secluded locations, but give me the exact time to meet you and I'll let it slide this once."
"Fair enough, so long as the kid actually shows up. He afraid of the dark or something?" The husky voice, measured by heavy breaths, already enticingly confirmed Will's suspicions.
"Beats me, but he'll be there. Now whaddayawant?"
"Got it, and I'll see that he brings change for that...fifty that you have." Will's voice hitched in anticipation, especially at the unusual request that suddenly didn't seem so out of place.
After preparing the order himself (one large anchovy, thin crust, precision-cut into eight uniform slices) the businessman shouldered the warming bag, peering around the doorway just in time to witness some shared joke between Henry and Clyde, the former of whom clapped his hand across the other's back and left it there just a moment longer than necessary.
He wanted almost nothing more than to usher his delivery driver out to what promised to be his second set-up of the night, this one with potential consequences for being a smart-aleck that were far worse than the short-lived humiliation Clyde had emerged from, annoyingly unscathed. Yet Will's desire to direct the chain of events he had orchestrated reigned supreme over all else, and he had not authorized this new plot twist.
Clyde's discarded uniform shirt was still dripping forlornly into the utility sink, and William's actions went unnoticed as he extricated a ring of car keys from the pocket. He also found the limp bills he had expected, palming them one smooth motion and confident his worker wouldn't dare report the theft of his ill-gotten gain. Lousy amateur blackmailer. He doesn't deserve this!
The gaunt figure stood with his jacket flapping in the warm night breeze, towering over a sea of overgrown grass that grew in scrubby patches around equally-neglected shrubs. It had been nearly a decade since children had spread their beach towels over this same lawn, sunning themselves and perhaps enjoying an ice cream bar during the designated adult swims. Nature had swiftly reclaimed the forsaken property, and now the morass held rotted baseballs, errantly struck there by players who were too leery to venture out into the wasteland in search of them.
The man kicked at one such ball, watching the core burst from its leather shell and roll into a clump of grass. The sour smell of the pool itself, still partially filled with brackish and discolored water, wafted from behind him. In the dead of last winter a whitetail had stumbled over the thinly frozen ice, its nearly-unidentifiable remains surfacing months later during the thaw. Every now and then some concerned parent or homeowner implored the town's recreation board to fill in the gaping hole with cement, decrying it as an attractive nuisance. Yet whether for lack of funds or a delusional belief the pool could somehow gain a second life, nothing had been done aside from installing more padlocks on the gate of a fence that had already been bent and cut through by trespassers.
Rather appreciating the anarchy of the location, the man emerged from the shadows, patiently waiting once the hatchback pulled to the curb. Behind the windshield, an orange speck bobbled, and the observer smiled, picturing the harried kid inside lighting a cigarette and trying to steel himself for the exchange he would just as much avoid, maybe even shaking his head at the sorry state of the pool he no doubt had enjoyed as a youth.
"You're not him." The customer's voice came in a hiss once William Afton had almost comically hefted himself through the window of the jammed car door, alighting on the cracked pavement with pure fury.
"No kidding," the big man scowled, his voice tinged with piss and vinegar, but absolutely no trepidation at meeting a stranger in a dark wasteland. Stepping forward, Will noticed the street tough rock backward on his heels just noticeably, a surefire sign that he was trying hard to hide his growing fear. "It was past his bedtime," Will said, his joke answered by an stilted guffaw from the other party.
"How much?"
"Isn't that my line?" scoffed the customer, scarcely hiding his irritation.
"I was hardly asking about the price of the pizza, which is seven-fifty, by the way," Will said, shifting the cardboard box propped on one palm so that the grinning visage of Fredbear printed on the lid was directed toward the thug. "I want to know how much that rich prat coughed up for you to reclaim his fifty from my driver."
"Wh-what are you goin' on about?" The man shifted his weight from one foot to another now, tense and still indecisive about whether fighting or fleeing was the more judicious response. Will stepped yet closer, and when the man withdrew a blade easily five inches long from one of the many pockets on his jacket, his crazed smile only widened in response.
"Really, what was your cut?" Will pressed on. "How much were you willing to whore out your services for, thirty?" His adversary's eyes narrowed in hatred -- and unmistakable affirmation that Will had struck sensitive territory.
"Twenty, even? The hired goon market must not be so lucrative right now, if you were ready to jump my driver, maybe even cut him up a little, to get back less than half of his take." Will's taunts had their desired effect as he caught his reflection leering back at him from the blade of the brandished weapon.
"Then again, maybe this was all a mistake on my part, and we should both forget it ever happened. You'd be better off paying for the pizza--"
Before Will could finish, he found himself rushed, and he thrust the pizza box toward his attacker, the formidable knife he had borrowed from the restaurant's kitchen concealed behind it. For one blissful moment, the two men were suspended in a grapple, and Will took note of details he had missed earlier: the dying thug was a few years older than Clyde and Jerry, so he had not been a classmate, there were old scars ghosting across the weathered flesh of his neck, and his malicious grin, frozen on his face, was crooked, even before a thin stream of red spilled from its corner.
Revolted, Will shoved the slain body away from himself the moment he felt its legs buckle, and it landed supine in the wind-torn grass, the pizza box overlaying its chest. From the lid of the box, Fredbear still grinned back vacantly in monochrome ink, unaware of the gaping knife wound that had punctured through the cardboard right between his cartoonish eyes.
"Your choice," the delivery driver said coldly, shrugging at the corpse of the first individual he had ever dispatched to the hereafter. He bent stiffly, one hand methodically wiping the blade he clutched in his right hand onto the grass, as though he had done this before, while his left rifled through the jacket of the fallen man, locating a slim wallet and sliding it to his own pocket.
The expected rush never came. Will kicked the pizza box, hard, watching without interest as the anchovy-laden slices pinwheeled across the lawn, landing in a trail that seemed to point back accusingly to the victim. The box itself came to a rest upended, its halves parted like the open jaws of Pac-man himself. Sets of eyes glared from the shelter of a nearby stand of trees. Scavengers, he knew, most likely raccoons, and impatient for him to be on his way so they could get at the discarded food.
Dragging the body under the shelter of the trees and giving it a kick for good measure to ensure it was concealed beneath the lowest branches, Will caught his breath, grinning without pleasure. Now that's how you deal with someone who crosses you, he fantasized himself instructing Clyde. You don't scam him for a few bucks in a cheap hustle and then duck and run, all the while trying to convince yourself you ended up on the better end of the deal.
For all he imagined himself saying in a ridiculously hypothetical situation, though, the freshly-minted killer was stunned to find he had gained little more satisfaction from the act than he had from the cigarette still dangling half-forgotten from his lips. Grinding the stub in the ashtray once he'd returned to the car, he sat drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and gazing out into the darkness.
Where was his thrill? He might as well have swatted a fly pestering him back at the food-prep counter. Will bit his lip. He certainly hadn't gone through with this to protect his lowly worker; heck, he'd briefly considered telling his customer to go pound salt and then dealing with Clyde, only slightly less roughly, himself. Just enough to ensure the thought of future insurrection would never cross his mind...
How much, indeed? Will cracked open the wallet, removing a crumpled twenty-dollar bill and staring at it a while before tucking it in his pocket, alongside the cash he'd lifted off his scheming employee. Entirely uninterested in the driver's license encased in a plastic sleeve, he pitched the wallet out the open window, hearing it land with a muffled thump somewhere among the pines where its late owner rested.
As the car sputtered to life and pulled away from the curb, Will let the raccoons have at their pizza feast, wondering how long it would be before they turned their appetite to the corpse itself once that ran out.
Maybe a random and unplanned killing wasn't the correct route to take, he mused. The notion had long rested in Will's mind that one day, someone would spark his ire enough to earn an inglorious dispatch to the hereafter, a fate the victim would fully have deserved and he would not begin to regret. It had never been something to trouble him or cause any need for deep self-reflection of his morals, but had been a likelihood he'd coolly accepted just as much as his own eventual death.
Clyde and even Henry had occasionally ventured perilously close to that territory, yet something had always caused Will to hold back. He had asked himself more than once whether the need to feed off the balance of power against his underlings outweighed any satisfaction he would gain from taking one or both of them out. Since the limit he could push Henry emotionally was finite, for fear his partner could quit and leave him, he had chosen to extend his mistreatment as long as possible before making any final decisions over Henry's ultimate fate.
Still, tonight's unexpected outcome had thrown a monkey wrench in Will's meticulously-laid plans. Sometime before, while on the golf course with Jerry's father he had casually inquired as to his son's latest doings, then the two men had laughed and compared Jerry's accomplishments to his former classmates', such as the one lost cause still slaving away at Fredbear's and mistakenly believing being sent on deliveries was a massive step up on the career ladder. Chortling rudely, Jerry Senior had then boasted of his upcoming business trip and half-joked he hoped his son could be trusted not to level his estate before he returned home.
From there, it had been easy for Will to discretely fire the food prep team and the regular delivery driver without notice and press Clyde into service, assured Jerry could be trusted to take care of the rest. To hear Clyde's stories of his former classmate, Jerry was brilliant only in the cruel schemes he had carried out against his enemies, and Will couldn't fault him for his humiliation stunt. It hadn't been Jerry's fault that Henry had conspired to carry a fake car phone in their delivery vehicle, but his greed had been his fatal error, when he had rashly hired a local, small-time thug to get his money back.
The next time, Will vowed, gripping the steering wheel in white-knuckled determination and quite certain there would be a next time, I'll be sure to strike far closer to home. It needs to hurt. Hurt deeply.
"See? I told ya so." Months later, Clyde let the newspaper he had breathlessly rushed into the pizzeria with drop to the food prep counter, where Henry promptly snatched it up, ever concerned about contamination and safety. The business owner's eyes widened at the headline.
"I knew that delivery spot was bad news," Clyde persisted. "Now they found a dead guy there, after the neighbors complained about the smell for six months."
Seven, William mentally corrected him, showing no emotion. "Isn't that something. I'll bet the cops assumed it was another deer that met its doom in that sumphole that used to be a pool."
"Says here he's completely skeletonized, with scraps of clothing and a wallet nearby. The cops don't have a formal I.D. yet, but I guess if there's a license or any other cards in the wallet they'll have an easy time of it." Clyde took off his ballcap and scratched his head, looking for all the world to Will like a clueless teenage detective from any number of formulaic Saturday morning cartoons. "Weird that we don't have any missing persons around town, though, huh? I mean, I'd hate to disappear and not have anyone catch on I was gone. I can't even imagine--ow!" He rubbed the back of his head where an exasperated Will had clapped him, hard.
"Then let that be a lesson, since you were so pissed I borrowed your car that night," he said sharply before softening his tone, alarmed at the panicked look on his worker's face. "It seemed only fair that if I insisted we deliver there against our own policy, then I should be the one to handle it myself, not risk your hide."
"Yeah," agreed Clyde, blinking in surprise. "Guess I owe ya one, and your customer probably had no clue some guy was gonna die right where he wanted to pick up his pizza, just a little while later that summer." He shivered abruptly, rubbing his arms to ward off the chill that overcame him and accompanied a disturbing thought. "We don't even know how the guy died. Maybe your customer offed him."
"So he could what, steal his pizza? Brilliant deduction, Encyclopedia Brown. Why don't you quit the sleuthing thing and stick to what you do best, scrubbing baked-on cheese off the pie pans?"
Abashed, Clyde obediently returned his attention to the dishes in the sink before him, grateful the cloud of steam rising from the piping hot water hid the deep blush he could feel spreading over his face. Will angled his face away from Henry before allowing himself to break out in a lopsided smirk. This was a far better power trip, meted out in measured doses, than letting his fury overtake him with fatal results against his work team.
When he glanced back at Henry, he was surprised to see his partner, a quietly religious man, with his head bowed, his lips moving noiselessly.
"Are you honestly praying for the poor sod?" Will sputtered, barely hiding the disgust from his voice. "For all you know, he could've had it coming, been a horrible person."
Henry looked up, startled, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Regardless of who he might have been, Will, it's not my place to judge his departed soul." He sighed deeply. "Things like this just make you want to hug your kid even tighter, y'know?"
No, I don't know, Will thought, unable to recall when he had last embraced any of his long-estranged children, unlike Henry who was openly affectionate with his young daughter. From the deepest cesspool of his polluted mind, the darkest idea imaginable emerged and his gaze turned to the kiddie-sized table set up in a corner of the kitchen, it surface strewn with the scrap papers and chubby crayons Charlie used to create her undiscernable portraits of the restaurant's mascots.
"Maybe you're right," he was quick to correct himself. "It always hurts worse when things like this strike...close to home."
submitted by Rollerwings to fivenightsatfreddys [link] [comments]

Regarding Fixed Matches

Hey guys,
I’ve seen a lot of people post recently about “fixed matches” and I’d really like to clear some stuff up.
Fixed football matches are out there, just as there are fixed boxing matches, fixed tennis matches, it’s not nice because it ruins the sport, but it’s there.
Now, if you had 99% assurance that, let’s say Aston Villa will beat Arsenal in the FA Cup 3-2, why would you tell everyone about it? Not only is it illegal to bet on a match you know is fixed, it is treated as a serious offence.
The chances of general punters knowing about a fixed match is very, very slim unless you know someone on the inside i.e. a player, a coach or whatever and even then how can you be 100% sure it’s fixed? You don’t know until the final whistle.
I got caught out, with a scam, I believed it because I looked at the guys history, he hit 11 in a row right and when I jumped on, I had to pay him a lot of money for his tips. And he had a very convincing back story! His dad knew the owner of a team with poor financials blah blah blah. I fell for it! I had a good run for a while, but then lost a lot more than I’d care to mention! I mean, c’mon, when a match is “fixed” you’d throw all the money you have on it right? Thankfully, I didn’t do this and only played with winnings, so I’m no better off or worse off than what I was.
Mostly all the people online claiming “fixed matches” is a scam, people who want your money. It works (more or less) like this -
You have a “fixed match” information. Say you have 30 people. 10 people you tell it will be a home win, 10 people you tell it will be an away win and 10 people you tell it will be a draw.
The game is an away win. You have 10 customers back, the rest are angry, complain or some will buy the next fixed match info. The next game you do the same, 3 people you say home win, 3 people an away win and 4 people a draw. It’s a home win.
Now you have 3 customers, you do the same process again until you have one customer left and then you advertise again “Fixed matches!!! First one for free! Guaranteed £££!!!!” And who can pass that up?
An amazing example of this is Derren Brown’s The System where he has a “Guaranteed way to beat the bookies and win on the horse races”. Check it out. It's on YouTube.
At the end of the day, gambling is a risk, every time you put your money on a team or back a horse, it’s a risk. So please, DON’T BET MORE THAN YOU CAN AFFORD TO LOSE.
And as the old saying goes "If something seems to good to be true, it usually is!"
The best way to beat the bookmakers is to have a system, LSSN had a system, essbeck has his own system. A lot of regulars on here have systems. But none of them is 100% perfect, because how can they be?
However, personally, I do believe that there’s a gap in the market. Poker was this relatively boring old game before the new kids came in and started 3betting and C-betting, doing a lot more pre-flop action. For me, I think there’s something out there, that no one has found yet, that will either exploit sports betting or change it, just like the new kids did for poker.
TL;DR - Go back and read this, it's important if you want to know more about fixed matches. But, let me burst that bubble and say it's probably a scam.
submitted by BradyBunch88 to SoccerBetting [link] [comments]

The Simpsons: Millhouse's Rampage

Growing up in the 80's, there were two things I loved more than anything else growing up-watching The Simpsons and playing video games. Plenty of kids my age were interested in video games, but not like me. I got my first system at the age of seven, a Pong machine from my dad's teenage years, and ever since then I was hooked. By '95 I had a collection of systems, ranging from raggedy Atari and Colleco scraps to pristine systems, still in original cartons. I was 13 when the Nintendo 64 hit the shelves, and of course I begged my parents for one. My paper route had paid for the cheaper systems throughout my childhood, but my pittance of a salary simply wasn't going to cut it with this one. Finally, my mother caved in and took me to Harrison's, the local electronics store, and purchased the system I so desired. I was instantly hooked. I fell in love with the N64 system, which grew to be one of the biggest parts of my adolescent years-right next to The Simpsons.
As I mentioned before, the only thing I loved more than playing video games was watching The Simpsons. I would watch any rerun that aired and recite every line perfectly, which drove my parents crazy when they were just trying to enjoy the show. Every Sunday night, the three of us would gather on the couch, just like the Simpsons did in every opening sequence, and we would watch Homer and the gang get into some wacky adventure. This was one of the only things we did together as a family (Dad worked long hours and Mom started selling some crap cosmetics from one of those multi-level marketing scams) so I learned to cherish those moments.
The year was 2002. I was 21 years old at the time and living in a small college town in Arkansas. Things were really going good for me. I was just two years from getting my degree in accounting, and as soon as I was done I would be taking a job at my dad's firm. I had a beautiful girlfriend, a redhead named Tina who loved The Simpsons as much as I did. We would spend most weekends watching reruns on VHS tapes I had recorded years ago. But sometimes Tina would turn on my adventurous spirit and we would find ourselves taking tennis lessons or cycling through the town on a tandem bike. It sounds cliche, but my life was just more complete with her. I was a man in love, and all my friends could tell. However, I never let my relationship get in the way of good times with them. As soon as class was out, you could find our little pack drinking beer and playing darts at the local bar. Afterwards, it was back to one of our dorms to play video games until the early hours of the morning. This was fine for me because all of my classes were after 12 PM, so that gave me plenty of time to sleep off any remaining hangover and eat a meal.
One afternoon, I was making my way down Main Street of my town when I saw a sign in the local junk shop window. Of course, I spent a lot of time in these kinds of shops, being the pack rat I was. As I got closer, it looked like the sign read:
Used Video Games Sold Here
I couldn't pass up this opportunity to find something valuable. I figured I would catch up with my friends at our favorite bar in a half hour or so. I wanted to take a look at their selection. I stepped inside the shop, which had a dirty linoleum floor and utilized old bookshelves to display merchandise. The air had a faint smell of must and the floor was so filthy that it sounded as though I was stepping on kitty litter. I was disgusted enough to leave right then and there, but I wanted to see all that they had. I walked up to the counter, behind which was a gruff-looking old lady. She still had curlers in her hair, which I found comical, and she had a cigarette dangling between her cracked lips.
"Excuse me," I asked as I approached the counter. She grunted and looked up from the romance novel she was reading. "The sign says you sell video games. Where might those be?" She lifted a finger to the very back of the store, looking annoyed at my question. I thanked her, to which she responded with another grunt, and made my way through the shelves of useless knick-knacks until I saw the video games. They were thrown carelessly into a single cardboard box with no sorting done whatsoever. I found a few Playstation games that my friends and I could play later and started to walk away when I saw a strange-looking N64 cartridge. I blew the dust off the bright yellow cartridge. There was no label, only tape and Sharpie that read:
The Simpsons: Millhouse's Rampage
Now, this is really something. I had never known there to be a video game based on my favorite TV series. I paid the old hag $5 for the games and ran all the way to the bar to show my friends the new treasure. We wasted no time chugging down our brews and took off to my friend Brian's dorm to play the Playstation. They all seemed disinterested in the Simpsons game, stating that it was probably some fan-made junk. I cursed them for being right and decided to wait until Tina came by the next day to take a look at the game.
Tina seemed much more intrigued than the guys were the night before. "Let's play it!" shrieked Tina. "I bet it's REALLY cool!"
"Hang on a second. Let me hook up the '64," I blew the dust off my favorite companion and shoved the cartridge into the slot. I grabbed my favorite purple controller and waited with anticipation. As soon as I turned on the system, I knew it was just a demo. This bummed me out a bit, because I couldn't actually play the game, but this was something I had never seen, so maybe it would be worth it just to watch the demo.
The game was an open-world 3D platform, not unlike Super Mario 64, but incredibly low quality. Millhouse's head was huge in comparison with his body and his hair wasn't the right shape at all. It began with Millhouse walking through Springfield, collecting tokens. Soon he was stopped by Nelson and beat up, causing him to cough up a token with every punch. The sound effects were obviously low budget, and very silly. Tina and I laughed at this. When Nelson was done beating him up, Millhouse ran home and a strange cutscene began.
The cutscene was animated in the 2D style of The Simpsons. Millhouse was bloody and his glasses were cracked. His nose was swollen even more than usual. At first he looked upset, but his face changed quickly to anger. He called for his parents to no answer. He then entered his bedroom and started to laugh maniacally. Not the usual goofy Millhouse laugh, but something entirely different. He reached under his bed and pulled out a handgun.
Tina gasped. I dropped the controller on the floor, too stunned by what I had just seen to pick it up. The cutscene soon faded and the gameplay demo began again. Millhouse was running through the school playground, collecting more tokens. Again, Nelson returned to harass him. But this time, he didn't get to throw a punch. Millhouse pulled out the pistol and shot him, spraying blood and tokens all over the playground. The awful sound effect of children screaming began, and soon the other children started running in all directions. Millhouse opened fire on them, blood and tokens flying all over the place. When there were no more children left on the playground, another cutscene began.
Millhouse was covered in blood. He wiped his glasses on his shirt and walked toward Jimbo, who was attempting to crawl toward the school. Millhouse held the gun to the back of his head and pulled the trigger. The animation of the brains and blood splattering on the pavement was unbelievable. It almost looked photo-realistic. I looked at Tina, who was now shaking and starting to cry.
"Turn the fucking thing off!" she shouted as she stood up to leave. "Wait," I said. "I think there's more." I was absolutely disgusted, but I had to see the rest. The cutscene once again faded into the gameplay.
Millhouse was outside the Simpson residence collecting tokens. A broken, distorted voice shouted, "Hey, Jerk Monkey!" A glitched Bart started walking toward Millhouse. He was soon shot down by Millhouse, and again the sound of children screaming began. The most terrifying thing about all that screaming was how real it sounded. As if it were coming through my old box TV and was in my living room. I felt sick to my stomach and turned off the game. The sound of the children screaming lasted for 5 more seconds after the TV went black.
Tina and I never spoke after that. I burned that game in my backyard during spring break and never told a soul about what I had seen. I sold off all my systems, including my beloved Nintendo 64. I just couldn't risk finding another game like that. I also haven't watched The Simpsons since then, which I heard hasn't been much of a loss. Apparently the new episodes are garbage anyway. The sound of those screams still haunts my nightmares 15 years after I had first heard them. I don't think I'll ever forget what I saw on that video game. I just hope that demo I bought was the only copy.
submitted by generic_spookywriter to nosleep [link] [comments]

Preview of my tennis gambling book. Feedback appreciated! Should I continue it?

Hi all, below I am copying the start of the first several pages of the tennis gambling book I started writing. I would love to know if you think I should continue or not, or any other feedback.
tldr: it's long, but let me know if it's something you like or not
Introduction
This is the story of how I earn my living from gambling on tennis. I hope this story never ends for me. This first volume will contain a detailed description of my first month actively tennis trading, chronicling June 18th, 2014 to July 17th, 2014.
I share this story partly because it will allow me to more deeply reflect upon and analyze each tennis match, player, and wager. Slowly, through the sweat of my brow upon e-inked paper, I hope to become better at this task. A better bettor, if you will. I strive to slowly hone my this enterprise into a repeatable system that will let me expand, amplify and ensure my positive results. Can you, dear reader, mimic my tennis betting systems and methods to share the same rewards? Perhaps, but this venture may all end in failure for myself, and for anyone who would dare to follow much too closely along. Thus, it is at this point, if I had enough money, I would have hired a fancy lawyer to write a several page legal disclaimer to dissuade you from doing what I do, and to disavow my liability in the event that you are foolish enough to try. In lieu of all that: I sincerely ask that you do not try this at home.
WTF is Tennis Trading?
At this early part of the book, you may be asking yourself, “WTF is tennis trading?” You are excused for your ignorance of the subject. There is not much written about tennis trading. There is no library filled with dusty tomes with titles like A Fortune in a Fortnight: A Gentleman’s Guide to Wagering on Wimbledon, 1886. Tennis trading is a well-kept secret, especially if you are not from a culture that heavily gambles on sports, like Great Britain. Yet on any given day in the year when there is tennis being played professionally, there are millions and millions of dollars being wagered on each match. There are outsized sums bet on matches between two tennis players with names that the general public that only tunes in four times a year to the Grand Slams is simply not familiar with. There is so much money at stake, so much to be won, that there deserves to be more written on the subject. This is my humble attempt to contribute to the literature of tennis trading. ‘Tennis trading’ is perhaps not the best phrase for the act it describes. Tennis trading is basically betting on a tennis match while the match is currently being played. The odds offered for betting on one player or another shift with nearly every point. It is with those shifts of the betting odds where profit is not only available to be made to the wise bettor, but even locked in and assured long before the winner and loser of the match has been decided. Handsome profits can even be ensured after only several points into a match. Once you have finished with this text, it is my wish that you will be well versed on the pitfalls and potential profits of tennis trading.
Structure of This Book
I am going to take you on a complete one month journey of tennis trading with me--as it happened. My first month, no less. Future volumes will cover subsequent periods of time, hopefully every match I bet. I am not going to only include my big winning bets, although, I have not had any big losing bets despite a few scares. I did have plenty of results where the wins were insignificant in financial terms. But there is much to be learned from every foray, and just the act of watching a single tennis match has deepened my knowledge of the players, how they are currently playing, how they match up against each other, and how they face pressure. I have already put this knowledge to use in later matches to good effect and knowledge of each player will benefit my betting until that player retires. I have read one or two books about gambling before and it always feels like the examples are cherry picked, and the books read like get-rich-quick, you-can't-lose scams. Those books never allowed me to feel the emotional roller coaster of betting large sums of money. They never taught me how to be a gambler--they only laid out a system that I could choose to follow like a monkey or not. So I hope to give you a sense of a realistic life of a tennis gambler, and not just give you a fish, but teach you how to fish for yourself. Wait, Jesus was not a fan of gambling, was he? So I will take you through my month, day by day, bet by bet. Hopefully you can absorb the principles of my strategy, lacking though it may be, in this fashion. I hope I learn as much as you do.
Spoiler Alert: How Much Money I Won If you do not want to know how much I won right now and are reading this as a novel and would appreciate some suspense, then you better close your eyes and skip ahead. It may be that some of you are wondering at this point how much money I won during the month I will be writing about. You may think it is not worth your time if I did now win at least $X dollars. Please keep in mind that this was all done in my first month of gambling on tennis. From June 18th, 2014 through July 17th, 2014, I won a total of $6,909. A modest, but respectable sum. Beginner’s luck? Maybe, maybe not.
The Stakes
My initial wager was always $1,000 on each match. The maximum I had to bet on a match was just under $30,000. So, if you have a greater or smaller bankroll and want to imagine what you could have earned with that sum if you had placed the exact same bets, just do some simple math in your head. You could have tripled my winnings if you had made a $3,000 initial bet on each match and had $90,000 available for the maximum bet I had to enter. The second bet I make is typically just to lock in the profit. It is usually risk-free in the sense that after I place the second bet, no matter who wins the match, I will make a profit.
My Basic Strategy: Part I
Here is the match betting strategy I used the most: I plan on betting on matches that I think are well priced, and that I feel confident in the pre-match favorite. Nothing unusual here, so far. I do not bet on the favorite pre-match and sit back and twiddle my thumbs hoping he wins. Instead, I watch the match live. I only bet if the odds go up on the favorite (the payout on the pre-match favorite becomes larger if he wins) within the first 4-5 games of the first set. When they do, I wager $1000 on the favorite at these more favorable odds. Now that the first wager is made, I still have some betting to do. I wait for the odds to rise on the pre-match underdog to the point where I can make a wager on the underdog and, no matter who wins the match, I make a guaranteed profit. If the odds never rise on the favorite from the pre-match odds within the first four games of the first set, I typically do not make a wager on the match. There are plenty of tennis matches, so I do not have to bet on every single one.. I used this basic strategy for 19 out of the 27 matches I bet on in the month -- 70.3% of the time.
The Rationale Behind This Basic Strategy
This strategy succeeds due to 4 key factors:
(1) Tennis is a volatile game. A point here and there can decide not just games or sets, but entire 4 hour matches. A recent case in point: The Djokovic vs. Federer 2014 Wimbledon Final. Djokovic won 186 points, while Federer won 180 points. Djokovic won a few more important points than Federer, and he got to raise the big gold trophy on the grass. It is not uncommon for the loser of the match to have won more total points than the winner.
(3) It can take time for players to warm up in a match. I make my first bet when the favorite essentially loses one or two early points or is broken early on. It is usually not a true sign that he will have a bad day. All players need time to reach form. Usually the odds can shift to a good price for the first bet if the favorite simply goes down 0-15 or 0-30 on his first service game, or if the underdog easily holds his serve early on. So I am staking money on the favorite when the odds are slightly more profitable, but the player’s chance of winning has not really truly shifted much.
(2) The in-play odds shift with just about every point in a tennis match, usually leaving at least a small window of time to make a second bet on the underdog to lock in profits on the match.
(4) I am making the first bet on the favorite, who is likely to win anyways. ATP Favorites win over 80% of Grand Slam Matches and over 70% of matches in lesser ATP events. There is a high statistical probability that the player I place the first bet on will win the match.
Bet #1 -- June 18th, 2014
Eastbourne, 2nd Round, Richard Gasquet 1.6 vs. Bernard Tomic 2.2
The Pregame Research
Time to jump right into the action, so you can see this strategy as applied in my first wager as a tennis gambler. After a tough clay court season that culminated in Nadal’s 9th Roland Garros victory, the tour is on to the grass court season. Eastbourne is a Wimbledon tune up. Richard Gasquet is ranked #14 in the world and the top seed here. He has been around the top 20 since 2005, a veteran now. He has an aggressive, slicing, precise game with a beautiful one handed backhand that makes him tough to beat on grass. Tomic, at 21 years old, is still a player early in his career with a current ranking of #82. He has a lot of promise that he has not yet delivered upon. His game is suited for grass, and he does well in Wimbledons, reaching the quarterfinals in 2011 when he was just 18, only to lose to eventual winner Novak Djokovic in four sets. Tomic only has a 6-8 record on the year coming into this match. Gasquet has never gotten too deeply along in Wimbledon, but part of that is due to his difficult draws. In the last 6 Wimbledons, he has been ousted by Federer and Murray twice each. Gasquet has a 4-1 head to head record over the young Aussie Tomic, but Tomic managed to beat Gasquet in the 2013 Wimbledon in five sets. So it will be no huge surprise if he topples the number one seed here, but it should be a close match. A close match implies that the odds may shift around a lot, which is good for my strategy’s purpose. Gasquet is the pre-match favorite with 1.6 odds for him to win, 2.2 for Tomic. If you do not know how to read those odds, it means that If you bet $1,000 on Gasquet pre-match and he goes on to win, you would receive back $1,600. That is a gain of $600. If you bet $1000 on Tomic at his pre-match odds of 2.2 and he were to win, you would receive $2,200, or a gain of $1,200. These odds imply that the market has priced Gasquet’s chance of winning at 60%. I like those odds, as I see it as being a close match with the veteran Gasquet having a slight edge due to experience and the fact that Tomic has not shown much this season yet.
The Match
It is Tomic’s turn to serve first and he serves a great game. He is a big server and this is not unexpected. Three straight aces and he holds at love. The odds rise on Gasquet to 1.8. I place the first wager of $1000 on Gasquet at these odds. Simple math tells me that If the odds rise above 2.25 on Tomic, I can place a bet on Tomic, and no matter who wins, I can lock in a profit. The calculation needed for this odds hurdle point is elementary: $1000 x 1.8 odds = $1,800 payout. We divide the total wager and payout by the profit to get the odds we need to make the second bet: $1800 / $800 = 2.25. So we need odds of 2.25 or greater on Tomic to make the second part of our bet. We want to to at least match that payout with our second bet on Tomic, so if the odds we wager at Tomic were 2.25, we would need to wager $800 to get a payout of $1800. This is calculated by dividing the payout we want to match by the odds we would bet for the second wager. In this case, $1800 / 2.25 = $800. So to determine our profit, we would just add up the sum wagered and subtract that from our payout, no matter who wins. So $1000 on Gasquet and $800 on Tomic = $1800 wagered. Our payout is $1800. So our profit would have been = 1800 - 1800 = 0. That is why we need the odds to rise above the hurdle odds of 2.25. 2.25 represents the breakeven point. The greater the odds are on the second bet, the greater the profit we can lock in. As it happens, after both players hold their first two service games, Tomic goes down 0-30 in his third service game, then it is advantage Gasquet, and Gasquet won that game for the break. I did not make a note of exactly which point I made the second wager, but it is in that sequence when the odds rose to 2.75 on Tomic and I placed the second bet. Doing our math, $1800 / 2.75 = $655 So I placed $655 on Tomic for the second wager. To calculate our profit, we add up the sums of our bet, and subtract it from our $1800 payout. So, $1000 on Gasquet, $655 on Tomic amounts to $1,655. $1800 payout minus $1655 equals a profit of $145. So, if Tomic wins I get back $1800 and if Gasquet wins, I get back $1800. I only spent $1655 on the two bets. The $1800 payout is guaranteed. Not bad for 5 games of tennis and about 10-15 minutes of work. A truly successful first bet. I do not have to watch any more of the match as the profit is locked in. There is now no longer any risk for me. But I usually watch the rest of the match to learn what I can from the players, and it is always enjoyable to watch the fleeting grass court season. Gasquet won 6-4, 3-6, 6-3.
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Missouri veteran who escaped Nazi prison camp gets medal

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Missouri veteran who escaped Nazi prison camp gets medal :: WRAL.com
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Published: 2016-04-03 11:55:17 Updated: 2016-04-03 11:57:35
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Political News Missouri veteran who escaped Nazi prison camp gets medal
 Posted 11:55 a.m.*You must enter the characters with black color that stand out from the other charactersfunction init_2cfeeb1355bcd1db642ff80238805d67(){if(typeof jQuery=="undefined"||typeof jQuery.fn.Zebra_Form=="undefined"){setTimeout("init_2cfeeb1355bcd1db642ff80238805d67()",100);return}else{$(document).ready(function(){$("#share_email_form").Zebra_Form({clientside_disabled:false,close_tips:true,on_ready:false,scroll_to_error:true,tips_position:'left',validate_on_the_fly:false,validate_all:false,validation_rules:{"from_email":{"required":["Your e-mail address is required"],"email":["Your e-mail address seems to be invalid"]},"to_email":{"required":["Recipient's e-mail address is required"],"emails":["Recipient's e-mail address seems to be invalid"]},"subject":{"required":["Subject is required"]},"message":{"required":["Message is required"]},"captcha_code":{"required":["Enter the characters from the image above!Edwin Shifrin's memory is fading, so his son Dan shared his story: 
Assigned to the Army's 30th Infantry Division, 1st Battalion, 117th Infantry Regiment, Company C, Shifrin landed on France's Normandy beach in June 1944 a week after the D-Day invasion and then fought the Germans in battles at St.Triangle Area Special Offers Get 15% Off of Terminix Termite Services 10% off lawn treatment package when you sign up in April Click Here to Search All Triangle Homes for Sale Get a $75 HVAC System Tune-up from BellCow HVAC Myrtle Beach Girlfriend Getaway Packages
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[Table] IAmA: I was a private investigator for two years. Life on the road, hilariousness to boot! AMA

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Date: 2012-09-13
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Questions Answers
What was your typical pay for a job? I had a base salary of $40k per year. I was also eligible for a bonus/commission depending on the video I was able to obtain.
What was the most you were ever paid for a job and why was that worth alot more money? I once received a $1500 commission for catching an attorney at a golf course while he was claiming disability. It was worth a lot because of the guys career and 'what he was giving up due to his disability'. He was BS'ing of course.
Plus expenses? Yes, the company paid all of my meals, lodging, etc.
How many of your jobs were typical "my wife/husband is cheating, etc."? I did maybe 4 or 5 divorce type cases. Those were the worst!
Were you ever commissioned by a corporation for a job? I was never really commissioned by any other corporations for jobs.
I noticed you said you worked for a company. I was always under the impression that PIs work exclusively, instead of a firm-like business. Can you describe how the economics of your profession work? We worked in the insurance biz, our main clients were the companies that insured the large freight companies (think semi-trucks). You'd be surprised at how big the industry is, especially with the economy being in the toilet. The company I worked for was a smaller company, maybe a total of 10 employees, we were ALWAYS SWAMPED! My job was to videotape claimants then put together reports we'd send to our clients. I was in the office one day a week at most. Lots of alone time.
Were you ever caught "spying" on someone by the person you were investigating? If so what happen. Claimant says, "I know you've been following me all day, I think it's time you get a real job and the fuck out of Aspen"
I say, "That's fine, but what about the last four days I've been here?"
The gears started turning in her head. I had caught the woman at the gym, landscaping around her house, hiking in the mountains, you name it.
She then says, "I've been in my house the whole time"
I then asked, "So, ya' going for another hike today"
She started crying and left ...
Once isnt bad going :) I am sure it the whole insurance thing is tricky, you can't really live that lie forever. Yeah the travel and being away from home all the time finally caught up to me.
What were the highlights of the Job and what was the complete downside, of course aside from being on the road every week? The best part was being in random cities and meeting so many people. I concluded that Denver has some of the most attractive women and Memphis is my least favorite place in the world. I also ate like a KING!
The downside was that I was fresh out of college and still in college mode. The job completely ruined the joys of travelling for me. I hate airports, suitcases, shuttles, etc. I also hate subway as a result of the job. Also, my friends always knew when I was out on surveillance because I'd blow up their phones when I got bored.
Blow up their phones when I got bored. I would call/text friends when I would get bored ...
What do you mean by that?? Then if they didn't answer I'd text them plastic explosives ...
What sort of basic "kit" I should say, did you always have on you? HD video camera w/100x optical zoom, voice recorder, binoculars, pen/paper, 32 oz. gatorade x3, granola bars, an occasional red bull/monster, change of clothes in case you needed to throw on jeans, and cash.
I also had a portable dvd player and would usually have a magazine of some sort. It was very frowned upon to read/watch a movie while you're on surveillance but everyone did it.
How about a .45? Did you ever need one? If we're talking malt-liquor, everyday! haha.
There was really only 2 or 3 times I thought I was in physical danger. Mind you, I played collegiate football and I'm not a small guy. Did you ever see Pineapple Express? I would occasionally have to do process server work ... that shit would get ugly real quick! People don't like finding out they're being sued! I had one guy in Memphis chase me for two blocks with a tire iron ... f'ng hate Memphis.
So you're saying you did have a gun? :) Haha just a nerf gun ...
Pfft, not a supersoaker then. Lots of liability issues w/supersoakers or something ...
How did you get involved in this sort of business? The girl I was dating at the time had a sister who was dating a manager at the company ...
They came to me, completely lucked out!
Most dangerous assignment? Garfield Park, Chicago. Not a great place to be a white boy. It made trying to go the bathroom really interesting.
The guy was a tow truck driver and typically would start work around midnight. It was horrible. Imagine how suspicious people were when they saw a white guy in his early 20's driving around in a mini-van while holding a video-camera ...
I live in Chicago and this does not at all surprise me. Yeah, some rough areas on the South Side.
So, has it changed you on how you view people? Are you a "paranoid" person? Ex. ops are always on the job even off duty does it happen to you? I've been away from it for awhile but it really opened my eyes to how much of a problem insurance fraud is in our country.
I'm a bit paranoid about people who sit in their vehicle for a long time. I'm also paranoid of unfamiliar vehicles on my block.
Thanks for the answer, IMO we do have a large amount of "frauders" i can't point fingers but some people seem to want to get the easy way out every time. It's everywhere you look to be honest. I followed an oral-surgeon taking home hundreds of thousands and I followed a cab-driver living in a closet-sized studio in the Bronx ...
Is this an easy job to get?/How much experience do you need for this job? - On a scale of 1-10 (10 being most), how boring of a job is this? - Do you enjoy traveling? - Do you feel like a spy/secret agent? Or does the act get old fast? I can't really comment on how easy it was to get the job, I lucked out and knew people. I had no experience, they hired me right out of college.
The job is either a 10 or a 2. It's a 10 when the claimant is out being active. It's a 2 when you're stuck in your vehicle trying to not fall asleep.
I'm indifferent on travel, I don't like the process but I like the reward of getting to a destination. I HATE airports, security, living out of a suitcase etc. The job turned me into a bit of a homebody for awhile ...
There were many times I felt like a spy, it's always fun to carry around a badge and flash it at the asshole that cuts you off on the freeway. It's also a lot of fun to casually flash your badge while paying for something ...
"There were many times I felt like a spy, it's always fun to carry around a badge and flash it at the asshole that cuts you off on the freeway. It's also a lot of fun to casually flash your badge while paying for something ... " If you had taken off the blinders you'd notice multiple times I stated the travel caught up with me and I began to loathe the entire process.
Really? In the State of Illinois? Good thing you didn't make it far in the business because that's actually a criminal act in many states. Then again maybe the reason you're no longer in it is because you were caught. You caught me ... I have a sneaking suspicion you're a Bears fan ... you mad bro?
Did you have to pay for you own van/supplies? It seems like a lot of job postings are requiring "Your own reliable vehicle, computer, etc. You should look into the staffing/recruiting industries. They like to hire people with CJ backgrounds ...
Tell some funny stories? I once followed an assistant volleyball coach at a Big 10 University. I followed her to a 'mega-gym' type place. She ended up doing some yoga/pilates class outside. Imagine me sitting on a park bench 40 yards away with a video camera videotaping a bunch of 20/30 something women wearing spandex. She was quite attractive ...
I once followed a girl who was a cashier at the Mall of America. I was paid to hang out at the mall for 3 days. I would walk by her place of employment about once every hour, pretend to be a tourist, take some video, then head back to the food court.
I followed a couple living outside of Atlanta to a Georgia Bulldogs football game. That was a good time, wish I could've gone into the game. I was down there during the huge gas shortage, while waiting to get gas once I must have 'budged' some woman in line. She was black, I'm white, she got out of her jalopy and started screaming 'McCain Lover'!
You weren't noticed walking the same bit over and over again? I already feel slightly watched if I double back where I came from once! Nah never noticed while at the mall, people have tunnel vision as they go about their daily routines and this girl was no different.
How do you stay inconspicuous? I would try to stay near groups of people and make sure she never had a direct line of sight with me ... it's easier than you'd think.
Haha. The Mall of America would be a good place to stake someone out- lots of random stuff to see when you're bored. Some solid people watching there, that's for sure!
This reminds me of blending in Assassins creed. Spot on!
I lived in Memphis for almost a decade and I can agree, it sucks. What are some of your stories about that city? I stayed at what I thought would be a nice Double Tree, I get in late and I'm climbing in the bed and find half a tuna sandwich in the bed.
I sat down at a BBQ joint just south of the city, have a table to myself and 3 black guys sit at my table, tell me I'm at the wrong place and I should 'get the hell on'. I showed 'em my badge and asked em if they wanted to try that again. They changed their tone pretty quick. If they only knew haha!
There just seemed to be a lot of racial tension in the city. I hated it.
Yeah im a white guy and I totally understand about the racial tension. I would have liked to have taken advantage of that situation and sit with them and ask them why do all that? I was thinking the same thing after the fact.
In their defense I should've known better, I was in black community and should've just waited until I was back near downtown to grab a bite. What can ya' do ya know? I'm lucky they dropped it when they saw the badge ... probably wasn't the smartest move on my part ...
This is so interesting! My boss works for an insurance company and she tells the PI's where to go/who to watch. I love hearing her stories about crazy shit that goes down sometimes in mediation after they're done gathering the surveillance. What would you say is the biggest fraud you've caught someone trying commit? Having to go to court/mediation was AWFUL!
I had to follow an oral-surgeon in Denver. The woman was loaded, had an awesome condo in downtown Denver, drove a real jazzy M6 BMW. Well she was claiming the accident she was in ruined her career. She was looking for a settlement in the millions, our client was set to pay it but figured what the hell, lets do surveillance for the hell of it.
First day I'm there she doesn't leave until about 6pm that Friday, she leaves with her boyfriend to some fancy steakhouse in downtown Denver right by Coors Field. I show up the next morning bright and early hoping to catch this tramp. A few hours later I see her 6 series leaving the parking garage with her driving and her boyfriend in the passenger seat. I follow them for about 10 minutes and they pull up to a park in the city. They both go to the trunk and start pulling out tennis equipment, jackpot! I ended up with about two hours of film with this woman playing tennis.
About what percentage of your subjects were guilty? Did you still submit evidence when a person was innocent? I'd say 9/10 were guilty and committing fraud.
And yes, we'd always have to submit the video we took, whether it was them playing golf all day or simply taking integrity video of their home ... we'd still always submit our findings.
What is "integrity video"? Does that refer to the integrity of the person making the claim or does it have something to do with their home? Integrity video is the process of taking video of the claimant's house/property every 30-45 min. It helps prove to the client that we're out there doing our job and watching the residence.
I apologize for not clearing this up earlier!
Mind if you tell us why you had to follow the stripper? Not a problem.
I mentioned earlier our main clients were companies that insured the large trucking lines. Well she was rear-ended by a semi-driver. Claiming she couldn't work, having troubles with her mobility, taking care of her kid, etc.
They (our client) then had our company look into her background, employment, etc. They ultimately decided they wanted to move forth with a 2 day surveillance on her ... so off I went.
Ahh ic ic! Your job sounds like fun! I always thought about doing private investigation after university for just a little bit. It had it's major ups and downs. There would be days when a claimant would never step foot out of their house. Imagine sitting in a van/suv by yourself for 7-10 hours.
You'd be amazed at the things you can come up with to entertain yourself!
Are you considered a police officer or a civilian? Police aren't to fond of PI's to be honest, especially in really rural areas. We're considered civilians.
What a boss. yeah, i feel like reading and xwords would be the best...other than reddit! did you ever smoke weed or anything on the job, or was it like drug test city for any potential employees? I never got into smoking weed honestly. I was drug tested almost weekly in college for athletics so it was never really an option. I've done it maybe 4 times in my entire life. The last time I did I was a wreck! I had a paper due the next day and when I woke up the next morning to read it ... holy shit! It was supposed to be a paper on the death penalty, I wrote about my favorite childhood cartoon, TaleSpin ...
Would you fly to locations generally or drive out to them? Act as casual as possible all the time. If I ended up following someone and would be stopped behind them at a stop-light I'd start air-drumming, pretend to be on my phone, and pretend the person in front of me didn't exist. Shorts and a t-shirt every chance you get, people always notice those who are dressed nice. Basically try to look like a slob ... I would fly to anything that wasn't in Illinois, Wisconsin, or Iowa. I would then grab a rental car from Enterprise, drive to my hotel, sleep, then start my surveillance the next day.
Thoughts on Salt Lake City, Reno, or Spokane? I loved Reno, I spent 4 days there following around a woman competing in some huge national bowling tournament. Luck would have it, my hotel room was actually right down the hallway from theirs. I've only visited Salt Lake to see friends, we spent the whole time snowboarding and getting drunk. So, naturally, I loved Salt Lake.
I would fly to anything that wasn't in Illinois, Wisconsin, or Iowa. Was the company you worked for in a far NW suburb of Chicago by chance? When I graduated college I interviewed for a private investigator job at a small company in a Chicago suburb and was wondering if it was the same place. Indeed it was ... Arlington Heights/Schaumburg'ish area ...
Wow, that wasn't the same company I interviewed at. The place I interviewed at was in Hampshire and practically in the middle of a field. Good ol' Hampshire, they were in our conference in high-school. Chik-N-Dip???
Can you elaborate on the badge you had? are PIs considered cops or do they just get a badge saying they are a PI and it looks alot like a police badge, so people just believe you when you say youre a cop? what actual rights, if any, does that badge you had give you? Link to images.landofnod.com
Looked something like the above link ...
In all seriousness, we were licensed through the state, had to have a valid PERC card. Carrying a badge was something our company had us do. I think it was a safety thing to be honest. I carried mine in a wallet built specifically for a badge. The badge gave me no rights whatsoever ... It said state of Illinois and had some numbers on it, it looked official but was worth fuckall ...
Nice. smart company. Did anyone ever ask for a closer look at the badge? I never had anyone ask fortunately ... I'm guessing I'd be in for a major ass beating if they looked closely haha!
Sounds like you've spent a lot of time sitting in a parked van or following people around - that would freak a lot of people out. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? I was 'made' twice in two years of doing the job. The cops will show up and you simply tell them what you're doing and they leave you alone.
The worst is in rural towns though. Everyone knows eachother so if you get caught, the whole town will know about it in a matter of minutes.
Do you have any interesting/funny cheating stories? I only did a few cheating/divorce type surveillances. The one that stands out was in St. Louis. The woman I was following stopped by a daycare to pick up her kids, she then drops 'em off at this HUGE mansion outside of St. Louis where a nanny answers the door, later confirmed this to be the ex-husbands house. On the way back to her car she keys the shit out of his car! The guy was driving a nice S-class Mercedes. I got the whole thing on tape, she ended up having to pay for the damages ... it was pretty comical...
Why do criminals always seem to have El Dorados? It's like a staple in a film that a crime boss or something will have one. El Dorado +10 to street cred.
Anyway, thanks for the answer. I'm going to go back to laughing at the clever pun in your name. Anytime, glad you were able to get a chuckle.
Were there ever legality issues regarding your recordings? I know some states require both parties to be aware an audio recording is takin place. Is that not true for video recordings? Or was it because you were typically parked and filming from a public area that it was all legal? I guess I'm just curious about the legality of an investigator filming someone's private residence, or filming someone inside a private business without their consent. Do you have some sort of warrant or something like that that gave you the right to film them as part of an investigation? Great questions ... You are correct about the audio recordings ... I never ran across legal issues. I once had a cop told me I wasn't allowed to videotape in public (which is wrong). I then asked him about his dash-cam and how about everytime you walk into a dept. store? He didn't know what to say ... guy was an ass. Anyway, I was told by my boss you can videotape anyone wherever one wouldn't expect to have privacy. Meaning if you're not inside of your house you can be videotaped. So if you're out in public you can legally be videotaped. You can also be videotaped in your home if the blinds/curtains or whatever are open. By leaving them open you're basically giving up your right to privacy is what I've been told.
What would you say your oddest "on the job" experience was? Following a bachelorette party into a gay bar was a bit odd ...
I didn't know anyone, I'm in a gay bar, with a camera ... I made up a story about how I was with an online company covering the party scene in major metropolitan areas ... they bought it.
Did you ever have a case after which you felt bad for the person you had to follow? May be if they were trying to go past the system because they had to and had no other way out? Honestly I never felt bad at all, more anger than anything to be honest.
I think he's referring to a scene in Silver Streak where gene wilder uses shoe polish to change the appearance of his race. Link to www.youtube.com. If you do that, may I recommend that you study how Wilder walks, that's what sells it. I would study Bernie Mac's character in 'Friday', I tried to act similar to that when in those rough neighborhoods ...
So is there a statute of limitations for insurance companies to catch people, or once the people get paid they're free and clear? Do the companies repeatedly send out investigators to collect evidence or do they give up eventually? And what if some dude just sits in his house all day, you ever have a really really difficult time catching someone because they were a shut-in? The companies seem to have a REALLY good idea of who is legit and who is not. They'll usually conduct 2-4 days surveillance max, if they don't have anything by then they give up.
We came across shut-ins all the time, those people made the job complete hell!
Is it possible the shut-ins are really injured or hurt and not trying to scam insurance companies? What happens with those cases? It's definitely possible they're legit. Those cases are usually resolved between the insurance company and the claimant with his attorney.
Thanks for the response - if I was trying something like that I'd commit to video games and take-out for a year. All they'd get is footage of me paying the pizza guy. And sadly, it really is that simple, I don't understand why claimants couldn't figure it out ...
Another quick questions can you or do you ever monitor cell phone or internet usage of clients? If so can you some how view everything they are texting or saying? Or is that a illegal for you to do and only reserved for government use (FBI, CIA etc) We would monitor social-networking sites. You'd be shocked at the dumbass information people will put on myspace, facebook, twitter, linkedin, etc. We never looked into phone records of any sort.
Teenagers are always dumb it's part of being one. If I could go back 12 years ago, I would have told myself how dumb I was and looked. I had a bowl cut in 7th grade ...
Easy to pick up girls doing this? stories? It actually was pretty easy. Hotel bars were the best, you knew everyone was their one business and most would throw away all inhibitions.
I met a woman in Charleston WV once. She was a total milf from San Diego. She was in marketing with one of the major auto-manufacturers. Well we started talking in the gym then she asked if I'd seen the hotel bar yet and if not I should check it out.
Being the idiot I was I didn't realize she was hitting on me. I told her her 'nah I haven't checked out, I'll prolly just pass out once I'm done here' ... She left shortly after, then it hit me once I got back up to my room to shower. 'SHIT, SHE WAS HITTING ON ME!' So I showered up and went down to the hotel barestaurant and sure enough there she was sitting by herself. I approached her, made small talk, then she invited me up to her room to rent a movie. She knew what she was doing, it was a struggle to keep up, not gonna lie.
What's your funniest story? Following a collegiate volleyball coach around campus, then following her to a yoga class. She's decked out in spandex and surrounded by other 20/30 somethings doing yoga. I'm the creep on a bench about 30-40 yards away videotaping everything ... I received some odd looks that day ...
Well a man in a trenchcoat with a long distance lens pointed at a female doing yoga wouldn't look so good. Boners in trenchcoats are tough to hide as well ...
Well next time don't have it in your hand. Dude ... yoga pants.
Whilst investigating someone. Did you or anyone you worked with stumble upon some serious shit? I came across a drug operation involving a 23 year old guy I was following near Overland Park (Kansas City). He lived with his parents but also rented out a 1br apt. where he was growing and selling marijuana. I did a fake package delivery to his apt. to try to confirm his identity, he had thought I was a customer and invited me in. I gave him a $100.00 and told him to take care of me ... I called my boss right when I walked out who then had me call the local authorities ...
Brilliant. What an idiot he is. Very friendly guy, but yes, he could've used a couple business courses ...
How many times were you asked to investigate someone but it came to nothing? Turned out the man wasn't having an affair after all, or the disabled person wasn't faking? Or was it almost always a case of someone having pretty valid concerns and just needing / wanting proof? 9/10 there was fraud going on. Insurance companies know what they're doing, they usually know who's legit and who's not. Like you said, the insurance co. knows there's an issue, they just want to cover their ass when/if it goes to court.
I didn't really do anything involving cheating spouses, the divorce cases I investigated usually involved finding out how much one of the parties was working. I think this went a long way in figuring out what sort of $$ they'd have to pay for alimony.
Thanks for answering. Great AMA and it sounds like your life was varied, interesting and at times risky! No two days were the same that's for sure! Thanks for stopping by.
Did you ever work any disability cases where they were claiming mental illness, and you found out they were faking it? Surprisingly enough I never had any cases involving mental illness. That would've been interesting.
How does someone get started in the profession? I lucked out to be honest. Girl I was dating at the time had a sister who was dating a manager with the company.
I majored in psychology and criminal justice, seems to be the background they're mostly looking for.
I'd recommend checking out indeed.com for various insurance fraud/private invest. type jobs.
I am just starting college and I am most likely going into criminal justice. Were you happy with your decision to take that major? In all honesty, not really. I wish I would've gone the psychology route, I'd recommend doing a few police ride alongs, there's a lot of misconceptions about police work.
Any cool LA stories? Followed a cab driver who did nothing but pick up people at LAX, 3 days of following him around, I wanted to stab someone!
I stayed in a Marriott right by LAX and went to the workout/weightroom they had there. I met a lady from New York while there and she ended up taking me all over LA, she had a Towncar chauffeur us all over. We went to Urasawa in Beverly Hills then a couple rooftop bars in LA, it was nuts and not my type of thing at all but it was cool to see how the 1% live.
She was probably in her mid-late 30's even early 40's I'd guess, real nice woman.
Sounds like something real raymond chandler. My mom used to tell me that all the time. After the 90th time of her telling me that I finally studied up on this Raymond Chandler fella, man was quite the novelist!
That's pretty cool. Did you dibble-dabble with her? We did indeed dibble-dabble ...
We ended up back at the hotel around 4am, drunk off our asses but still wide awake, don't ask me how. We had a nice drunken nightcap in her room then woke up and did it again the next morning.
She ordered this HUGE buffet of a brunch for us too after we 'cleaned up'. Champagne, mimosas, you name it ...
My man! Haha that is awesome. Sounds like LA treated you right. She was a classy gal, and LA definitely did me right. Now if something could be done about the traffic!
Thanks for the comments/questions
What was your most difficult assignment? Hmm, great question.
I had to follow a police officer in Boston. That was not fun, the guy knew what he was doing and knew what to look for. I was able to get him playing in his regular golf league. The guy lived about 5 minutes from the golf course but drove all around town before going. I bet I followed him for two hours before he went golfing. The 3 days leading up to that he didn't step foot outside of his residence.
Did you use any kind of photo\video equipment? I had an HD video camera w/100x optical zoom that was also capable of taking still photos.
We used windows movie maker to edit the video and cut out anything unnecessary. High-tech stuff lemme tell ya!
I guess practicality wins over quality, right? Which camera model was that anyway? It was a Sony camera if I recall. Retailed for around $450-500 at the time I believe. Most reliable camera ever, I beat the hell out of that thing!
From reading your comments, I can't figure out if you're a wanna-be cop on a power trip (which I tend to believe based on your college majors and some of your comments), or just a fairly normal guy with an interesting job. Which one is it? Very normal guy with an odd job. Trust me, I had considered being a cop and did a few ride alongs. That's all it took to turn me off from police work for good ...
Thanks for the reply. Good AMA, by the way. So, what do you do now, if you don't mind me asking? I'm a project manager with a telecom deployment company.
Last updated: 2012-09-17 18:17 UTC
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